Post # 1
I’ll try to make this as short as possible.
Due to a sports injury my SO had to take about a year off work. After factoring in living off one income plus extra interest on the mortgage and car loan that we would ordinarily not have to be paying as we generally pay extra and far in advance but now can’t, this essentially put us about two years back.
As a result although we would have been engaged by now, it means that SO hasn’t had a chance to pay off the ring yet. We feel as though we’re engaged in spirit but haven’t gone through the actual proposal process. He has said it will definitely be before my birthday (in May) so it’s only a few months away.
We have already discussed a wedding date and are hoping for November 2016 (Spring in Australia). We will be paying for everything ourselves and as we live in a regional area it’s harder and a lot more expensive to source everything we need for the wedding that we want.
Because of this we have already started planning. We’ve started writing guest lists, picking a colour scheme, venue, invitations, etc. No final decisions have been made as yet and no deposits paid however we are definitely already planning.
We have gotten a few comments like, “Omg, you’re not even engaged yet!!” and “Ummm, don’t you think you’re jumping the gun? Perhaps wait until you get a ring first”, and from the people too polite to actually say anything, I still get a “That’s so weird” kind of look.
So I guess my question is, is it really that weird? Should we be “calming the f*ck down” as one delightful colleague has said? Has anybody else started planning before the proposal?
It’s certainly not the ideal situation or the order in which we would have wanted things to happen but that’s life.
Sorry for the long post, I tried to make it short but it just kind of got away from me.
Post # 2
The way I see it, if you’re already planning a wedding, and agree to get married, you’re engaged. I’d tell the other people to keep their noses out of your business.
Post # 3
Yeah, as long as both you and your SO are into the planning (and it’s not all one person with the other person being disinterested), I don’t think it’s weird. It’s not my place to judge other couples’ situations. What makes sense for one couple given their circumstances makes sense to me. Happy planning!
Post # 4
Keep planning, just stop sharing with these people.
Post # 5
If you guys are that committed to the wedding planning already, I agree you’re practically engaged already. You don’t need a ring or a formal proposal to be dedicated to spending your lives together. If you really want to do the ring stuff now, maybe you could have a placeholder proposal with an string ring or something.
Post # 6
A ring doesn’t make you engaged, two people deciding to get married does. Congrats, you’re engaged!
Post # 7
I think it’s a bit crazy when the woman is doing all the planning without having a discussion or idea of timeline with their SO (I knew a girl that bought a dress and her SO dumped her two months later when she thought he was going to propose!) But I think if it’s a mutual thing, then you are engaged. The ring doesn’t make the engagement, the agreement to get married does. Congratulations and happy planning!!
Post # 8
A ring doesn’t make an engagement.
People are snarky jerk. Press the ignore button and if there isn’t one..make one and keep it in your pocket.
Post # 9
I learned on the bee here the fact that everyone is mentioning above…you are not “ring official” but you are engaged. You are planning the big day and there is nothing wrong with that! We had our venue picked out and the day set before we had a ring, and we actually shared the date with our parents before I had it as well. You will remember your “ring official” day, but enjoy every moment of planning.
Post # 10
Thanks everyone, I really appreciate it!! I usually don’t care what people think but for some reason this was really getting to me.
I just mentioned this thread to my SO and he said, “Ring or no ring, you’re my future wife” so, well, I guess I can now say I’M ENGAGED!! =D
I’ve always had this silly impression that you need an actual proposal and ring to be engaged but you guys have really opened my eyes and my SO seems to agree!! Thanks again!! xx
Post # 11
You don’t need a ring to be engaged. If you are planning it than that is official enough. I hate when people butt into other people’s business. You dont know the situation so why you asking. So if you do explain everything you said to us they can be like oh i am sorry i didn’t know. Yeah cuz it is not your business or your life. People always going to judge though and have an opinion. Its not weird so just ignore those people
Post # 12
I think they’re being rude. I was engaged for three weeks without a ring. My husband proposed to me, we realized it was too large, and so we sent it back to have it resized. And then I spent the first two weeks of marriage without the set becuase we went and got it soldered.
Ther are always going to be people that are just rude wherever you go. So like Taylor Swift says, and Mrs. Doubtfire does, “Shake it off”
Post # 13
If two people decide to get married, plan a wedding and then get hitched but never exchange a ring, were they never engaged? Of course not! Because no physical object is necessary for people to be engaged. It might be traditional but it’s not mandatory. If you’ve decided to wed and are planning a wedding, you’re engaged. Remember there are people all over the world, including the U.S., who get engaged and never exchange rings to signify that. So if you do it, it’s not weird. It’s actually perfectly normal.
Post # 14
If you guys are mutually planning a wedding, you are engaged, even without a ring. Congrats! In sure a ring will come in time
Post # 15
My DH and I were engaged for almost 3 months before I got my engagement ring (I did have a ring I wore temporarily though). I think it’s “weird” to think you can’t be engaged without having an engagement ring 😛
Personally I liked having the formal proposal and then telling everyone about it before we started planning, but for everyone else, whatever works!