(Closed) Is it weird for me to plan while I'm 'waiting'?

posted 5 years ago in Waiting
Post # 31
Member
1552 posts
Bumble bee

 I never looked at anything wedding-related until after I was engaged. I didn’t really think I’d be getting engaged anytime soon, and to be honest, I’ve never been crazy about the whole wedding idea until recently. I wanted something quiet and small (I’d be happy saying “I do” in sweatpants) but our family wanted to be involved and now it’s some big thing.

Even if I had originally been excited about a big wedding to begin with, I would never have started planning before getting engaged. Feels presumtuous.

Post # 32
Member
7081 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2015

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shadowysewist:  My now Fiance and I would openly discuss details of our wedding. It started with time of year, then specific year and month, then the WHERE part (domestic destination), what we wanted to eat, the type of ceremony we wanted, the size of the guest list, and the wedding party. We ended up settling on a date and venue 2.5 months before he proposed. 1.5 months before he proposed, we decided to book the venue since the wedding was less than a year away… we then booked all the crucial things and ordered save-the-dates. I did the Pinterest thing too, and shared with him the ideas I had. Then we didn’t touch anything wedding related for about a month before he proposed. 

Lots of women plan their wedding before they’re even in a relationship.  My advice is… if you want to move forward and buy/book things, make sure he is 100% on-board.

Post # 33
Member
31 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2015

I’m kind of in the same boat. My boyfriend and I have decided to get married in the fall of next year. He’s currently saving up for a ring, and he said he’s going to propose before the end of the year. Since it’s pretty much a “done deal,” I’ve started looking at venues because many places get booked up fast and I didn’t want to lose out on a great venue. I have talked it over with my boyfriend and he’s fine with it. I just had to explain to him that good venues go really fast and I don’t want us to be stuck with a hole in the wall, as we’re also paying for this ourselves. He’s fine with it. He doesn’t want to really be involved in the inital looking – what guy does? – but we agreed that I would create a short list of about 10 venues and then we’d go and see them together and then decide. We know how many people we want to invite and have a general budget that we want to stick to. 

 

I don’t think there is a right answer on how to do things. Just do what’s right for you guys. What I would recommend is that you don’t tell your friends or family about it yet, because you may get unwanted opinions. As long as you and your SO are on the same page, that’s all that matters. It shows that you’re communicating well with your partner as well, which not a lot of couples are able to do. 

Post # 34
Member
7 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: April 2015

My fiancee and I did things a bit backwards.  We had been talking and planning what we wanted in our wedding for at least a year.  We had already talked about our wedding and what we both wanted and we agreed that we were ready to get married.  He considered us engaged from the time we had that talk though I didn’t really consider it official until I had a ring.  My friends also didn’t consider us engaged without a ring though his friends did.    I was getting a little impatient though because we have been together for a 4 and a half years and I still didn’t have a ring lol.

We are both older students working our way through school and money is tight so we intended to wait a bit longer until we could afford a nicer wedding.  However, all my post graduation job interviews have been for out of state jobs and most of our family and friends are in state so we decided that it would be best to get married before I graduate.  So, we sat down and made a realistic budget in excel, called different places for ideas on costs and available dates, and started planning the wedding.  He did just as much of the planning as I did (he actually wants a fancier and bigger wedding than I do).  The ring and official engagement came about four months after we sat down and planned our budget.  

By the time I had the ring, we had already picked a date and put down deposits on our chapel and reception venue as well as paid the dj deposit and photographer deposit.  So I think it really all depends on your circumstances.  My friends were a bit judgemental I think if I would talk about our wedding plans even though they never said it.  Most people just don’t consider it a real engagement without a ring.  I think it all just depends on the communication between you.

Post # 35
Member
36 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2017

I definitely don’t think it’s weird to start getting plans rolling. I’m not yet engaged (hopefully within the year), but I’ve been looking at venue/caterer websites to try and get an idea of how much a wedding in my area would cost. 

Post # 36
Member
312 posts
Helper bee

A few months ago my SO and I got into a almost argument when he told me what he wanted to do for our wedding (not engaged). My idea was totally different. He told me that I need to figure out a budget to see if what I want was even doable. Sooo I do have a basic guest list and researched some vendors to try and get a basic budget…but that is only because HE told me to. I don’t bother him about it day to day and I am not going to bring it up again until he officially pops the question.

ETA: My pinterest board is private because I don’t want people bothering me about it 🙂

  • This reply was modified 5 years, 4 months ago by  MrsVC2015.
Post # 37
Member
2393 posts
Buzzing bee

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shadowysewist:  This situation doesn’t really apply to me because Darling Husband and I made the decision to elope for a lot of reasons I won’t go into here.

BUT. I understand the temptation to start planning while you’re waiting.

I think if you know the proposal is a done deal and you are 1,000% sure it is coming, it is OK to start planning ahead. I would stop short of making deposits or putting down money. But getting inspiration on Pinterest, making phone calls to vendors? Absolutely.

If you were unsure of the proposal, unsure of the engagement/wedding timeline — no way would I plan anything. I would be afraid of jinxing it. 

 

Post # 38
Member
4504 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I personally would not (and did not) plan anything before gettung engaged. If you can’t resist, though, I would stick to Pinterest-type stuff, and certainly don’t mention it to your guy. Guys get weirded out by that. 

Post # 39
Member
9581 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2015

I was a “waiting bee” on here. I knew it was coming and I was freaking out as well- it’s just so exciting. I did Pinterest (on a secret board) and once he asked my parents for their blessing and it was even more real -I emailed vendors for quotes. By the time we were engaged I just pulled the trigger on all these people I had already picked, it was so easy. Im planning from afar so I went of recommendations, reviews, portfolios and email interactions. Planning has been a breeze because I didn’t have to research at the same time.

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