(Closed) Is it weird that I am hurt by this?

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 48
Member
337 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

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@happilyeveraftergirl:  Your parents may not be fully calling the shots but it seems they are definately holding things back for you. 

i would arrange a dinner with your FI’s parents and send your parents an invitation with a note to say something like ‘as much as you dont approve, i AM marrying my Fiance. if you dont support that then thats your choice however i love you both and would love your support’ 

if they dont turn up,yes that will be hurtful as hell but you will know once and for all where you stand and can plan your wedding accordingly

good luck xx

Post # 49
Member
1826 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

Does it matter if they meet? At this point, chances are that my parents and inlaws will never meet and honestly I don’t care….it’s not like they will ever see each other without us.

Maybe the fact that you’re letting this get to you so much (crying, etc) makes them think that you are too young to be married? I would just tell them that this is the way it is and go ahead with planning your wedding. Once they see that you are serious and not asking for ‘permission’ they should come around.

And another thought…how old were your grandparents or aunts and uncles when they got married? Could you use them as examples?

Post # 51
Member
1826 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

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@happilyeveraftergirl:  Due to health issues my FI’s parents will most likely not be attending our wedding now. Other than that day there is no point.

You will find after you are married that there are very few times that most families will ever see each other after that. During my first marriage my parents saw his parents a total of maybe 6 times over 20 years.

Post # 52
Member
1826 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

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@happilyeveraftergirl:  Just tell them that you are more like your grandparents! lol

Post # 53
Member
1409 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

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@happilyeveraftergirl:  *hugs!* Sweetie, if I had mind control powers, the first people I’d use them on are your parents. But sadly I don’t, and for the record if you did elope, or have a tiny wedding I wasn’t able to attend, I’d completely support you in your decision! I just want you to be happy 🙂

Post # 54
Member
1078 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

@happilyeveraftergirl:  i almost would say start wedding planning with out them, if tell them this is my life. If you wont be supportive you dont have to be but don’t expect to be the grandparents our kids are close to if you cant even be cival with his parents. 

 

tell them how hurt you are they wont meet his parents but meet your sisters new bfs express to them your feelinds and point out how they would feel if there parents had told them how unsupportive of them they are …. put them in your shoes and be real be grown up about it and inform them they are being childish and stubron and refues to let you get on with your adult life 

 

sounds like they had you older and dont wanna let you go yet 

Post # 55
Member
1004 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@happilyeveraftergirl:  I’m not sure how to convince them, since they are being so stubborn simply based on age. Maybe just learn to be okay with them not meeting for a while. Eventually, your parents will have to accept that you are engaged, and will be with you Fiance, and get married before 30. I’m sure they will eventually want to meet his parents.

 

I really don’t understand their age issue. MANY people get married before 30, and are still successful and happy. Were one or both of your parents married young, and divorced before they got together? Does one of them resent giving up a career for marriage/kids?

 

Where I live, 24-27 is the average age to get married. I had a lot of friends married before me, and I was engaged at 24 (long engagement, though). I think mid-20’s is a good age for marriage! You are not too immature, you have plenty of time to be together before trying for kids, and you are probably already done with school and into a career.

 

If you are a very driven person, in a difficult and competitive career path, and you don’t want to sacrifice your career success depending on what your partner does…. eh, I could see a reason for waiting until later to marry. But then, most people would rather be with their SO and have a good job, than be alone and possibly, maybe in the future have their absolute dream job. Some people never want kids, too, so waiting would be fine for them.

 

Your parents are being silly. Are they somewhat antisocial in general? Maybe they figure they will have plenty of time to meet his parents, so they aren’t worried about it right now. Perhaps they only meet your sister’s boyfriend/parents in hopes that she will settle down and stop being a “wild child”, and more like you.

 

Eh, my parents are not the nicest/friendliest people. I tried to KEEP them from meeting the in-laws for as long as possible! No need for the in-laws to form bad impressions of me based on my family!

Post # 56
Member
1030 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

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@happilyeveraftergirl:  Ugh that is so annoying and horrible of your parents. And it is so silly of them – they should judge your marriage based on you and your fiance together as a couple, and how you make each other happy – not by your ages. 

And as far as supporting your sisters choice because she says shell wait… a) again, shouldnt it be because they like the person she is with rather than when she says she will hypothethically get married and B) If it works with her current bf, i bet she will want to get married earlier than she is currently promising because after a few years, it will feel like she has “Waited”.

I’m sorry OP….sometimes parents just suck. 🙁 

 

Post # 58
Member
4655 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

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@happilyeveraftergirl:  I had this issue too… my parents are a little reclusive, our families didn’t meet until the wedding, despite his parents trying to get them to meet. There were no hard feelings. Honestly that was fine, I don’t think anyone had any issues with it.

Post # 59
Member
4044 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Maybe they think that by delaying the meeting, the are delaying the engagement and marriage. 

In your shoes, I would just go ahead with the wedding plans. Don’t expect or ask them to contribute. Don’t ask who the want to invite. If they can’t be supportive, they don’t get a say in it.

Once you pick a date and sign the venue contracts, etc, then it will seem more final and their (childish) tactics won’t work. Maybe there will be some event in the future where everyone can be invited (like a NYE party, baby shower, etc).

And if it comes to it, they can meet at the rehearsal dinner or the actual wedding. Alot of people’s parents are in different locations and can’t make it to a meeting (I’ve been dating my SO for over 10 years and our parents have never met!) so I would try not to worry about it.

Sure it would be nice to have the fairytale extended family where everyone is best friends, but it doesn’t happen for most people. Take what you got and move on, hopefully your parents will come around eventually.

Post # 60
Member
1030 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

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@happilyeveraftergirl:  I had a cousin who I was really close with before the wedding and engagement – and she accused me of being too young to get married (me – 26, him 30). She actually told me that I would miss out on my life and that we should go on a break for 5 years or so, get our lives in order, see other people and if its “meant to be” we would find each other again later. She said I would grow and change too much in the next 5 years, so we shouldnt get married so young. like WTF??

You know because both of us having our masters and the fact that we would rather grow and change together in our lives rather than seperate…and that he’s the best thing that ever happened to me…didnt matter… 

Ugh…

Needless to say, she has serious committment issues, has cheated on her SO many times. She also accused me of getting married for the sake of the ceremony and ended up turning on all my friends and family and calling me a plethora of horrible names…So we are no longer friends. 🙁 

So in a different way, I do know what it feels like.

Just treasure the relationship you have – and know you are in it for the right reasons. You could be 35 and in an abusive relationship – lol would your parents prefer that because youd be an “acceptable age”! *rolling eyes*. People are just weird sometimes.

Congrats that you have such an awesome sig other!  

 

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