(Closed) Is it weird that I just don’t like all the attention?

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
107 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Not at all. I get panic attacks when I’m the center of attention, and the thought of our first dance has me terrified. It may be a little late now, but you need to put your foot down and explain why you feel uncomfortable. Sometimes when I say “thanks for offering to throw me a shower, but it makes me uncomfortable,” people think I’m just being polite. I had to explain that I get anxiety attacks and the thought of a roomful of women staring at me is scary because of the possibility of an attack. 

Maybe if you sit down your Father-In-Law and explain what exactly makes you uncomfortable, they can work with you. A wedding is a lot of everyone else having a good time, but that’s no reason you should dread your own wedding. 

Post # 4
Member
667 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

yeah I feel the exact same way you do. 

Post # 5
Member
1844 posts
Buzzing bee

not weird at all, join the “I love weddings when they aren’t mine” club. I told Darling Husband that I would probably only last 5 minuets standing up in front of people and the only words I want to say are ‘I do’ its not easy, people expect so much… but Im doing it darnit. fast little ceremony, then a long dinner and music time.

Post # 6
Member
7173 posts
Busy Beekeeper

I was more uncomfortable at my showers than at the wedding.  The shower was ALL EYES ON ME.  While the wedding was all eyes on us – but everyone was also just having fun with other people and I was focused on Darling Husband – so I really didn’t care what any one else was doing.

ETA: I get the not being super excited about it – that was me.  I think you have to find what it is about the wedding that does get you excited (ie: marrying FI) and focus on that thing!

Post # 7
Member
2 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: May 2013

I’m the same way…I wanted to elope!  lol  I want to get to through the ceremony and get on with the eating dinner in peace.  And then I want to eat my cake in peace.  And then I want to leave quietly while everyone is in a sugar coma… 

Post # 8
Member
273 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

What you’re describing is totally normal, in my opinion.  I struggled with the wedding feeling like ‘a show’.  It was almost something that I thought should be something private between people that I know REALLY well, not just some random aunt that I haven’t seen for 10 years but she gets invited out of familial obligations.  

I agree with the PP that the shower was the most uncomfortable – and I even had a really small pseudo-shower.  Walking down the aisle was a pretty nervous point for me as well – but luckily my Dad is a calming influence on me so that helped.

What does your Fiance say about your FIL’s opinions and involvement?  Can Fiance be any help in settling things down a bit?

Post # 10
Member
472 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I can’t even tell you how much I can relate to these feelings. I was extremely excited about the wedding/planning until about 6 months into the planning I realized that EVERYONE IS GOING TO BE LOOKING AT ME! Since then, the wedding has just been a source of anxiety for me, and I’m just looking forward to the honeymoon. My OBGYN (of all people, lol) actually gave me really good advice. She said that on the day of the wedding, just focus on the man you are marrying. Don’t pay attention to anything else, or whether everything is perfect, just get lost in each other. And that’s exactly what I intend to do! Good luck, and hopefully you can get them to tone down the celebrations!

Post # 11
Member
273 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

@InATizzy:  I’m sorry that things are spiraling out of control to a point that makes it seem like it’s not really ‘your day’ – despite the fact that I’m sure everyone is telling you that it is ‘your day’.  It’s one of life’s sad realities…

If you are able to surround yourself with as many awesome and supportive friends as possible during your shower and everything else, that is probably the best way to approach the massive bridal shower.  It seriously was the only way I got through everything.

Post # 12
Member
4193 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry

I’m assuming Future In-Laws are financially contributing to this wedding, that’s why they are influencing so much of the day? Can you say to them:

“Everything surrounding this wedding has made me depressed (besides my FI/actually getting married to him). I feel bad because I’m just not excited about it.”

The day is about you and Fiance, not them. If you say “I don’t want this”- will they back down? Obviously they’re excited, but it should be YOUR party, not theirs.

Post # 14
Member
4193 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry

@InATizzy:  Okay, then since you two are paying, you can stop this crazy train right now! 🙂

If you want a small wedding- figure out the number, and divide the invites. Ex: for 100, 25 guests are invited from FI’s family, your family, FI’s friends, your friends. That’s it. (People can have a B-list, if necessary)

If Future In-Laws aren’t respectful of your plans, don’t volunteer details to them-or “We’re still working on that,” if they press, or “It’ll be a surprise.” You can keep your rehearsal dinner small- just the wedding participants, SOs, and immediate family. (Ours might have 20)

Who’s hosting your shower? I gave my MOHs a list of the women to invite- the shower is supposed to be an intimate event- every woman invited to the wedding, doesn’t have to be invited to the shower. (Had 16 at mine, which was perfect.)

I think if Future In-Laws heard from you- this isn’t what I want (better “isn’t what WE want”-if you can get Fiance on board), it would make the next 6 months a lot easier on you. No one wants to intentionally stress the bride! Hope that helps! 🙂

Post # 16
Member
667 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I’m right there with you. I hate being the center of attention for anything and I’m dreading having everyone watch me all day long! I wish we would just elope to forgo the attention but Fiance wanted a wedding so we are having a wedding. Oh and I’m an only child so there’s no way my parents would have gone without a wedding for us. I will need some liquid courage that day lol

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