Post # 1
So I was thinking I want my wedding party to consist of friends/fam that have been my besties throughout different stages of my life. I want to ask a close cousin, my longest childhood friend, my highschool best friend, my closest friend and soror from college and my closest ex co-worker from my first REAL job.
The good thing is, I’m still close to and speak to everyone on a very consistent basis through phone or meetup EXCEPT my high school best friend. We both went our separate ways after highschool but I still consider her a friend. But during highschool we were inseparable. She’s just not a very close friend today where we are meeting up and chatting on the phone and things. We talk through facebook, but just silly things like commenting and such. I went to her baby shower about two years ago and that was the last time I saw her and we spoke like nothing had changed.
She’s really cool, we’re not “cold” towards one another we just don’t call each other and hang out anymore. Is it weird that I ask her? Will she be like “Ok…we don’t really talk like that anymore but fine.” I know people have different perspectives on friendships and I wonder if she would care or be awkward about it. Is it really a good idea to ask someone that is no longer really in your current circle, but you still think fondly of them?
Post # 3
No I don’t think it’s weird. I have a couple of friends whom I was very closed to in high school. Now we live on different continents! So yeah, it’s hard to keep in touch sometimes. They couldn’t make it to my wedding (continents! visa!). But if they ask me to be in theirs, and I could make it, I would feel very honored.
Post # 4
No it is not weird. I have friends like that. I can just pick up where we left off like nothing happened because we still have that bond.
Post # 5
I think if you really want her to be in your wedding party, then you should ask her. But be aware that she may not feel the same way. Being apart of someone’s wedding party is a financial commitment for some and it usually involves a huge amount of volunteered time.
I think it would be a nice gesture to include her, especially if you really want her there. It may be easiest to just tell her that she doesn’t have to commit because you don’t see each other as often as you used to – but would love to have her. Ball’s in her court then.
And if you two were close and seem to “pick up where you left off” everytime – I dont see a problem in just discussing it with her.
Hope this helps. Good Luck.
Post # 6
I think it could be kind of wierd… but really it is up to you. I would choose the closest people to you (or to your fiance). If I were her, I’d be honored but may feel a little uncomfortable, especially if you are much closer to the other girls. Also, if there are any other girls you are closer to but not asking to be bridesmaid, they may feel a little hurt. But… it is completely up to you and you shouldn’t feel bad with whatever choice you make!!
Post # 7
Yeah I thought about making her feel obligated financially. I was thinking of asking in a very casual way, like I would want you there, but you don’t have to commit to it.
I was close to another friend in HS that was I considering that used to live in my community but we got close the last year of high school and a bit during college because we lived closer. The problem with her is that she’s been engaged to a guy since high school almost ten years ago and she’s extremely wedding orientated and she was already in her best friends wedding last year (and her best friend was only with this guy for three years). I can tell she’s upset she’s not yet engaged and I don’t want to make her feel all “27 dresses”. She’s alluded to me she’s not happy with him not proposing yet and I dunno how she would feel to be yet in another wedding…maybe she wouldn’t care but my impression is that she does.
As far as my fiance, I would love to have his one and only sister involved, but she doesn’t like dressing up. I don’t want to make her feel uncomfortable. He says I can ask her but I don’t want to make her feel obligated. We’ll see.
I dunno. Whatever I choose, she’s still getting an invite at the end of the day.
Post # 8
As you still have over a year until the wedding, I would hold off on asking the people you’re not sure about. If you’re questioning the decision now imagine what could still change. And when you decide who you want, just ask them – don’t worry about whether or not they can afford it or want to dress up or are sad about not being married themselves, the main thing is you want them by your side. They will say no if they don’t want to do it. I was asked to be Bridesmaid or Best Man for a high school friend in a similar situation to you – but to be honest to this day I wonder why she asked me as we are not in close contact anymore and her wedding album must be full of pictures of a person she no longer speaks to very often (i.e. me). I feel slightly awkward about it especially as I didn’t ask her to be my Bridesmaid or Best Man and I think it upset her (even though I stuck with family members for this exact reason). So in short, wait a little while before you decide 🙂
Post # 9
I think if you decide to ask her she would be honored…but just keep in mind you guys have lost touch…so the chances of her being really involved in your wedding is not very likely. if you are ok with that then do it…but if you wanted her to help you out with things then I would think about it some more…
Post # 10
Thx Mountain Bride. I will go with your advice and select later in the year. For now I have a definite Maid/Matron of Honor and two other for sure bridesmaids. For now I will hold off on the other three, including my cousin who lives in another country but will be staying with us during the wedding.
Post # 11
I don’t think it would be weird at all. One of my BMs is an old highschool friend who I was extremely close with back in the day, but now, 12 years later we only see each other maybe once a year if even. But we’re still extremely close in that when we do see each other or talk to each other, it’s like we never missed a beat! To me, that’s true friendship and those are the people I want to stand up with me.