Post # 1
Member
606 posts
Busy bee
As the title says, is it weird to ask your Maid/Matron of Honor and Bridesmaid or Best Man together? I feel like I should set a day aside for both of them to ask, go for lunch etc but I also don’t want to give one more time of knowing and keeping their status in the wedding a secret until the other knows they are in the party too.
The three of us are close friends but one is Maid/Matron of Honor and one Bridesmaid or Best Man. So it will be really hard once the first knows for her to not freak out and tell the other.
Stuck between giving them each their own time to shine and not wanting them to freak out and ruin the surprise for the other. LOL
Post # 2
Member
7570 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
I think you’re over-thinking things. Just ask Susie not to tell Jane because you want Jane to hear it from you, then ask them however you want. quick phone call is fine. It doesn’t have to be a big deal. It’s not a “time to shine” or “freak out” type of occasion. I mean obviously they will be flattered, and they’ll be happy for your engagement, but it’s not a ZOMG AMAZEBALLS type of conversation.
Post # 3
Member
3464 posts
Sugar bee
I agree, ask them separately. Personally if I were the Bridesmaid or Best Man and there are only three of you, I would feel a little bit less special if you ask the Maid/Matron of Honor at the same time as well. Just ask them at different times and ask the first person to keep a secret for one day, I’m sure she will understand.
Post # 4
Member
2141 posts
Buzzing bee
I want to tell mine together… I think it would seem rude like one was an after though if you ask them at different times (I dont mean asking one at 9am on wednesday and the other at 2pm on thursday when you see them in person etc… but if one knows for weeks it seems like you just hadnt made your mind up on the other)
im not sure how to do it as they dont live near each other (I have though about asking them via post) but in the UK bridesmaids dont have ‘budgets’ as the bride pays so thats not an issue here
Post # 5
Member
47431 posts
Honey Beekeeper
lesbimarried : It’s not a “time to shine”. It’s an opportunity to give them some privacy and time to ask questions(e.g budget?) and make that decision wihout being pressured by someone other than the bride.
Post # 6
Member
2163 posts
Buzzing bee
I asked all of mine together.I guess technically my sister (MOH) already knew but the other girls (4 + flower girl) are all family and I asked them all at a family event. For me, it was convenience purposes since it was the first time I’d seen them all since getting engaged. I think you are overthinking this. Invite them both to lunch and ask, but you don’t have to ‘set a day aside’ for it. My girls were super excited, we took a picture, and then went about our business doing normal family stuff 5 min. later. Its not as big of a deal to them as it is to you.
Post # 7
Member
3324 posts
Sugar bee
Id ask them separately – not because of what you said, which I think is a bit silly lol – but because I wouldnt want anyone to feel obligated to say yes if they couldnt afford it/didnt want to/were planning on TTC and didnt want to say anything. If everyone else is saying yes and jumping up and down, no one wants to be the debbie downer haha.
Post # 8
Member
9237 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
lesbimarried : I asked two of my girls at the same time and it was great. we all got to be silly and excited together. however, the two I asked together are super good friends so that helps. I asked my Maid/Matron of Honor on the train during our commute since she was nagging me about picking a bridal party already – we cried and hugged and were ridiculous and it’s one of my favorite memories even though it wasn’t planned.
Post # 9
Member
606 posts
Busy bee
LilliV : I love that!!! Thank you for also solidfying the fact that it is a moment to enjoy together.
Thank you for all your feedback ladies. I have decided to do it separately but on the same day one for brunch and one for dinner, my treat of course.
I am obviously a different bride and think that the moment you ask your bridal party is all about them and not me. It is their moment to feel appreciated and loved. I want to thank them for being so important to me (and my fiancée) and ask if they would do the honour of standing with us as we bind our lives together.
I don’t know why brides think it is a minute of their day to ask. To me that is selfish. They have done you the favour of sticking by you through the ups and downs and you can’t give them a meal to thank them for all they have done and will continue to do in your life?
Post # 10
Member
1168 posts
Bumble bee
lesbimarried : I asked my party via text because we are not sappy, emotional people. It is not selfish to do it that way. My friends would wonder what the hell I was doing asking them to lunch to appreciate them through the ups and downs lol. They know I appreciate them based on the simple fact that we are friends. Just because you and your friends would like a big show of bridal party-askingness doesn’t make it selfish for other people to not want that.
Post # 11
Member
3898 posts
Honey bee
lesbimarried : Ask Maid/Matron of Honor first and tell her you will be asking Bridesmaid or Best Man soon so she keeps quiet about it till you ask Bridesmaid or Best Man.
Post # 12
Member
606 posts
Busy bee
ana2017 : Good idea on the order!
Ziggy2112 : You think manners are emotions? I guess we did not all get the lesson that it is considered rude to ask favours, give condolences or congratulations by text message. I am sorry you think it is appropriate. I do not in the least.
I am glad it worked for you though. Congratulations on your wedding.
Post # 13
Member
1168 posts
Bumble bee
lesbimarried : I consider your passive agressiveness to be incredibly mannerless. Judge me all you want, but at least get off your pedestal and own it and cut the “congratulations” crap.
Post # 14
Member
1115 posts
Bumble bee
- Wedding: September 2017 - Mississauga Convention Centre
We asked our bridal party together. It happened at our engagement party
Post # 15
Member
606 posts
Busy bee
Ziggy2112 : You are the one that is classless. If you can’t take it don’t dish it. Read your etiquette book before thinking someone wants a giant emotional event. That is not what it is about. My friends don’t owe me anything. You don’t have to like everyone. You don’t HAVE to be there for people. So yes, I do think that when I am asking them a favour I should ask in person. You could have left it at “I texted my party”, instead of shitting on my plan. I do think a text is selfish because it is easier for me, it is a favour, I should not be doing what is easier for me.
I actually genuinely hope your wedding is lovely. I’m also sorry you can’t wish the same for someone whose idea you just pissed on. Everyone deserves the day of their dreams.
Please just leave this thread, you have nothing constructive to say. We have a difference of opinion and that is that. You did not have to be rude.