(Closed) Is it weird to ask your maids together?

posted 5 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 17
Member
4259 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2016 - Manhattan, NY

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lesbimarried :  When I went dress shopping with my friend, she asked me and her other friend there to be her maid and matron of honor. She asked with a ring pop inside a box where the lid read “He popped the question, now it’s my turn! Will you be my maid/matron of honor?” She’s a total Pinterest queen! lol It was super cute, and we both happily accepted. It wasn’t a competition and neither one of us felt anything but happy. So I think that asking at the same time is fine. I didn’t have a bridal party at all, so I never had to think about how I would ask. Just like a proposal, I think the actual asking is the important part, and the delivery is secondary. Best of luck!

Post # 18
Member
4313 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

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lesbimarried :  I don’t really think it is that big of a deal either way. Most of my bridesmaids already assumed they were in the wedding, so when I did ask them, they were like, “Duh.” And as for the others, I sent them a card asking them to be in the wedding. Six out of the eight already figured they were in the wedding and the other two I eventually had to text and make sure they accepted. 

They will probably be exicted either way, but giving them time to shine is not really necessary. 

Post # 19
Member
1988 posts
Buzzing bee

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lesbimarried :  Well you’re clearly not into opposing ideas….so won’t bother to tell you what I did or my opinions…lest you think I’m classless. 

Really though, I think you’re making it a bit bigger of a deal than it needs to be. Yes, it’s important that they stand up with you, but they don’t need a time to shine or be propped up on a stage. They’re the supporting characters, and their only duties are to show up and look nice. Based on your post, it sounds like you’re planning to expect a lot out of your bridesmaids, which you should probably tell them when you ask them so they can decline if they want.

Post # 20
Member
1962 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

I’m not even engaged yet, but I know who I want to stand by me and have for a long time. I told one in person to quote “unless something happens to where we hate each other, I want you as a bridesmaid.” the other I said in a text that I would ask her formally when it was official, but I would be asking her to be a bridesmaid. 

It didn’t need to be a big thing. 

Post # 22
Member
571 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Wow.  You ask advice then you call those people selfish.  

Post # 23
Member
1167 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

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lesbimarried :  You opened yourself up to opposing ideas when you called any opinion but your own selfish.  I’m not actually shitting on your plan, and that’s the point. I wouldn’t have said anything if you didn’t bring up the fact that you consider everyone else’s way selfish.  There’s many ways to go about this, but you insulting everyone who doesn’t do it your way is classless, manerless, close-minded, and in itself, selfish.

You are acting on a public forum like you need validation for your idea, which is why you waited about six posts in until someone agreed with you.  You’re now asking me to leave because I’m calling you out on your bullshit.  Like I said, do what you’re going to do, it’s not bad at all.  But don’t insult people who have the gall to do it differently, or who have differing opinions.  My bridesmaids don’t give a flying fuck how I ask them, but apparently you and yours might.  Nothing wrong with either situation.

Post # 24
Member
504 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

I don’t think it’s rude to ask them at the same time.  One of my friends did a breakfast with all her bridesmaids and handed out little candles that said “XXX, Will you be my bridesmaid” or “maid of honor”, etc.  It was a cute idea.  If you are worried about hurting one’s feelings over the other, you can just tell them that they are both your BMs but you haven’t decided on the Maid/Matron of Honor yet.  Then you can wait a week and tell them them separately.

My BMs don’t live nearby so at first I sent them all a text.  To me, this made sense because they all already knew that I was going to ask them when/if it happened.  It wasn’t a super sweet surprise.  But then my sister (MOH) called me out on it LOL so I turned around and mailed them each little care packages with a ring pop, a personalized card, and a couple of other goodies.  I also did this to ask my last 2 BMs that I didn’t text beforehand.

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