Post # 1
OK, I know the title sounds weird, but hear me out.
Yesterday I received a baffling baby shower invitation. The mother and father to be were listed on the invite, but first names only. I had no idea who this was. I wondered if it was a mistake, but it was addressed to my married name, at my address (which is not published anywhere) so it had to be for real.
Well, the dad to be is my husband’s first cousin, who I have never met and with whom my husband is not close at all. My father in law is very close with his siblings (he has 7) but my husband and his cousins are unfortunately not close at all. That is really too bad because they all live in state. I am super close to almost all my cousins but we are all spread out over the country and sometimes years go by before I see them. I’m always pressuring my husband to make more of an effort to see his local cousins, and he is just not interested.
So, I want to go. I know for sure my husband’s aunt (who also gave us a baby gift last year) will be there, and I assume the other aunts (who I just met last year, my Father-In-Law has four sisters) will also attend, as well as a few other cousins. We just had a baby last year, and it will be a good chance for them to meet her. (Our baby is 7 months old, but the only one to have met her on my FIL’s side is her paternal grandma and one uncle).
Is that crazy for me to go? I mean, I couldn’t even pick out the shower honorees in a line up. I am guessing that at most, I will recognize 4 people, and I have only met each of them once. Was I invited with the idea that I wouldn’t attend and just send a gift? Is everyone going to see me and think, who is this chick and why did she come?
Post # 3
I guess you could go if you wanted to try to make more of an effort with his family on his behalf, but I personally would feel extremely uncomfortable going to a shower for someone I’d never met, especially if I didn’t know either parent-to-be.
I would send a nice gift and a note suggesting dinner or something once things settle down with the new baby so you can meet them.
Post # 4
My shower is coming up and I was just informed that one of my stepmom’s friends that I’ve never met is coming. I don’t know who she is and the only way I’ll know it’s her is that she’ll be the one that I don’t recognize!
If you do choose to go, kudos to you! I would opt for sending a gift and a card, myself.
Post # 5
Well the parents to be could just be gift grabby and inviting everyone they know. However, when little ones come into play, families seem to reach out more in my experience. I would look it as an opportunity to meet more of DH’s family. Plus it would look good for you to attend. Can your Darling Husband go with you?
Post # 6
It would definitely be weird, but if it’s family, I don’t think it’s a problem to go. Especially if you want to deepen your relationship with them.
Post # 7
Good for you for wanting to get closer with your DH’s extended family!
As for why they invited you, it could be that they have a rule that every female in the family must be invited to showers, or maybe it really is just a gift grab.
I also have to agree with the PP. I went to a bridal shower last summer where I knew only the couple, and not even that well. For my own bridal shower, Mother-In-Law had invited random relatives that I had never met, and I knew maybe 40% of the guests. So I know from experience that this can make an awkward situation for both sides.
Post # 8
I think it’s a nice gesture and they probably included you because you are family now. I think it’s great so they can meet your baby.
Post # 9
I don’t think it’s gift grabby. I think they were trying to include you as family, and that’s sweet. I’d go only if I knew that at least someone I knew (the aunt?) would be there. It could be a great way to get to know your in laws!
Post # 10
I would go, it’s a great way to get to meet and know the family.
Post # 11
I actually think it’s a nice that they reached out and included you. Sometimes that first contact is a little awkward, but I’d probably go.
Post # 12
I would go. It’s a great way to start bonding with your DH’s cousins even if he’s not willing to bond with them. I’m sure your Father-In-Law would appreciate it as well since he is close with his siblings.
By The Way, I’m like you, close to my cousins even though we’re spread throughout the world. Where as Darling Husband never even knew the ages and birthdays of his cousins who live a stones throw away until I entered the picture and started bonding with them. So I see nothing wrong with you becoming friends with your DH’s cousins.
Post # 13
It’s not gift grabby- it’s family. For all you know, the mom-to-be is pressuring HER husband to establish a better relationship with his cousins, just like you’re always bugging your husband.
This is a great opportunity to get to know your husband’s side of the family better. Go, bring the baby (such a great ice breaker, moms to be love talking to new mommies to get tips!) and have a great time!
And at any baby/bridal shower, there’s always people who only know one or two other people, or who don’t know anyone at the shower. So no one will be looking at you funny.
Post # 14
Thanks for the advice everyone. I decided I am going to go. Husband was actually kind of enthusiastic about me going and bringing our baby. I think he likes the idea of being involved in a family event without having to actually participate- we are his proxy. Not sure why he hates family events so much but that’s a different post. I am very much hoping we can still be close to his extended family with or without my husband’s help. I really miss my own family functions from when I was little, and would hate for our daughter not to have any of that.
Post # 15
I got invited to my cousings gf’s baby shower and I had never met her. I went. It’s a family thing and they wanted to include everyone. Makes sense to me.
Post # 16
Hey everyone, I just wanted to update this post- I did end up going last month and had a great time. I am really glad I went. Next month I am going to another baby shower for another one of husband’s cousins I have never met (she wasn’t at the first baby shower but lots of people from that one will be at this one). I will be bringing my sister in law (husband’s sister) who is about as into family events as Husband is.
Anyways, just wanted to thank everyone who advised me to go, I’m so glad I did!