Post # 1
Hi bees! When my FI and I got engaged, his family started to plan everything (throwing venue ideas, guest list, etc at me) and it freaked me out. I don’t like crowds, and his family is huge so I had a panic attack just thinking of standing in front of all extended family. I come from a tiny family and my parents are a little odd and told me to elope. Fast forward 5 months and we are planning on eloping in March! My FI picked the date and is very excited. My mother then said that I should have a wedding and shouldn’t elope (she also said she won’t support us being married until I am in grad school, but that’s a whole other can of worms). Now I kind of want a wedding, but FI still really wants to elope in March as well (financially and with FI’s work schedule, we couldn’t fly back home to get married until Summer 2016).
Basically, I think it’s a little odd to elope and then have a wedding a year and a half later, but at the same time, it would definitely reduce my anxiety of having the bigger wedding, but I don’t want our guests to find it odd…if that makes sense. Have any of you had, essentially, two weddings?
Post # 2
I say if you want to elope go ahead and do that. Instead of saying wedding you can call it a vow renewal.
Post # 3
hwo0801: I haven’t but thnk it’s a great idea and kinda wished it’s something we’d looked into.
Post # 4
CatyLady: If you don’t mind me asking, did you end up with a big wedding or a more intimate one?
Post # 5
I’ve been to three weddings were the couples were already married. But they only got married a few months prior.
I’m really not a fan of it myself, so I voted Yes in your poll. But I felt it was relevant to tell you about all these people I know that eloped before their wedding. At all of them, they were trying to keep it a secret that they were already married. I suppose most of the guests were fooled. The ones that weren’t were a lot more understanding of it all than I was. 🙂
Post # 6
- Wedding: Santo Domingo, Dominican Republic
hwo0801: If you want to elope you should just go ahead and do it. I think it’s okay to have a wedding later. A lot of people actually do this and keep it a secret so that they can save up or for other reasons. My fiancé and I are going to the court house before our wedding first of all because we’re having a destination wedding and a lot of times when you come back with your paperwork it turns out that you’re not even married because is not valid so we don’t really want to go through that.
Post # 7
I don’t think it’s weird at all. I have a few friends that did this. They had to get legally married as soon as possible because their FI’s were in the military and they wanted to be able to live on base with them out of state/abroad, but wanted time to arrange for a traditional ceremony with all their family and friends that would happen later on.
And they called the ceremony a “wedding” and again, I didn’t see it as weird. Honestly, I would have thought it was weirder if they called it a “vow renewal” because it had only been about a year after they eloped. I think of “vow renewals” and think of either couples who have been married awhile or couples who have gone through some struggles and want a re-commitment ceremony-type thing.
Post # 8
I think it’s disingenuous to call it a wedding when you’ve been married a year and a half- id just call it a vow renewal or a marriage celebration.
Post # 9
Are you going to tell people you eloped? I don’t know, I guess I just don’t understand the point of both. Elope and have a party with friends and family to celebrate and take the pressure off of a “wedding” if you want, but to actually go through the song and dance of a wedding when you’ve been married for a year and a half already…..
Post # 10
FI and I are marrying on our own in the winter and then having a small celebration in the spring. Our family and friends are aware of how we’re doing it though initially some were confused. I think it’s the best of both worlds. However, in your case, since it will be more than a year between the official marriage and the “wedding,” I would call it a vow renewal or something else. Your perspective on your marriage will probably be much different a year out compared to when you were first married.
Post # 11
I don’t know. I can see eloping and then having a traditional ceremony within a couple months, but a year and a half. After that long, presumably everyone will already know you’re married and calling it a wedding would be a bit weird. Perhaps a vow renewal would be better.
Post # 12
hwo0801: No not at all. We had 51 people, where I guess the average for a UK wedding is 70 – 100. It was a struggle getting to that number, but all the people there had had an impact on my life at some point or throughout.
Post # 13
Meh. I guess people here care more about what it’s technically called than I do. I don’t care if it’s called a wedding, a vow renewal, a ring around the rosie — potato potato.
Whatever it is, it’s a celebration of love and commitment with loved ones there to support you. And cake. (I hope.) I can understand wanting that and I can understand that with timing difficulties, it might not be possible for this to coincide with actually getting legally married. So it makes sense to me if the two things might not occur at once and I guess I’m in the minority that doesn’t care what the invitiation says it is.
Post # 14
I agree with TheGridMonster:. I don’t personally see a problem and think you should call it whatever you want! I’m going something similar – we are having an intimate cerermony in Feb (10 people) and then doing something bigger in July. Do whatever makes you happy and your friends/family should understand!
Post # 15
Thank you for your input ladies! I should also add that my FI will be turning 26 in February and will no longer be on his parent’s health insurance, and he can get on my plan then, so that’s weighing in on eloping! We wouldn’t be keeping it a secret from anyone!