Is it weird to have a no-gifts wedding shower?

posted 3 years ago in Parties
Post # 2
Member
1481 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2018

You can call it a bridal luncheon if you want, and you can definitely serve whatever type food you prefer. A shower implies gifts, so I would avoid calling it a shower. You can write “No gifts please” on the invitation and then people will probably not bring any gifts. (Honestly though, some still might).

Post # 3
Member
9804 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2016

Have a bridal luncheon not a shower. A shower implies gifts, people aren’t going to show up without one since it’s the whole point of a shower. The easiest way to avoid gifts is to change the name of the event.

Post # 4
Member
4608 posts
Honey bee

Don’t call it a shower.

The fact of the matter is, a wedding gift actually isn’t required (though tradition makes it seem as if it is), whereas a shower is by definition a gift-giving event.  The intent is to ‘shower’ the bride with gifts to set up her home.  And your friends aren’t going to spend twice as much on you if they are planning to get you a (not at all mandatory) wedding gift.  All it means is you’ll likely get two smaller gifts totaling the same amount they would have otherwise spent on one wedding gift.  People aren’t going to blow their budget just because you invite them to a second party.  Nearly everyone I know splits the expense between the shower and wedding if they are invited to both.

So, your options are to:

a) decline the party

b) accept the party, but don’t make it a shower (girls day out or what have you)

c) accept the party as a shower and just suck it up and make a small registry of things you can upgrade or are lacking

d) accept the party but perhaps request they make it a themed shower, so bring a recipe to share or bring a date night idea and small item for a date night (a DVD, a board game, a bottle of wine, etc.), etc.

 

As for the events (except for gift giving/opening – which is the definition of a shower really), it can be whatever you want.  Don’t want games?  Don’t have any.  Want pizza and beer?  Have it.  Doesn’t really matter.

Post # 5
Member
1412 posts
Bumble bee

Easy, don’t call it a shower and people won’t bring gifts!

Post # 8
Member
399 posts
Helper bee

I would just roll with it. Honestly family loves weddings and Im sure they would have no issue getting you a gift (I think most people budget in for a shower gift when attending a local or family wedding). I am sure there are some smaller things you can use (if you are worried about people spending money, pick smaller things instead of 150-200 dollar gifts)

Post # 10
Member
4608 posts
Honey bee

wolfeyes :  To answer your question about registries, I think people use registries MORE for showers than they do for actual weddings (since showers are exclusively for gift giving and weddings not so much).  Since the shower is usually to help the bride (couple) set up their new home, the registry is intended to give the gift-giver the idea of the couple’s style/colors/etc.

For weddings, some people prefer just to give cash or will go off-registry to pick out a more sentimental gift for the couple of their own choosing, rather than a household item like for the shower.  When you don’t register, people will make the assumption that cash is preferred for the wedding.  However, giving cash or gift cards would be inappropriate for a shower – which is why if you’re having one and are very particular about your style/colors/etc. registering is better than not.

So in your situation, where you legitimately cannot think of a single thing you could use that would be appropriate, you’re better off not having a “shower” and just having a party or some up with some alternate theme where people are maybe giving you ideas/advice or things like their favorite cookbook.

Post # 11
Member
745 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

wolfeyes :  My FI’s family is insisting on throwing me a shower. In their family it’s tradition for the male’s family to throw a shower for the bride (I dk where this comes from). The biggest issue is 1. I don’t have local friends and 2. we’ve lived together for awhile, I’m 32 and he’s almost 30. We’ve both lived on our own for a long time and don’t need anything (or want anything). 

I told them I would do a shower if people brought books to donate to after school programs. Or made donations in memory of our dog who passed away 2 weeks ago to the rescue I got him from, but absolutely no gifts. If that didn’t fit with what they were willing to do then, “thank you, but no thank you”.

Post # 14
Member
251 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2017

I’m in the same boat! Fiance and I have lived together for over 6 years – we have everything we need, have no space for new items, and are doing a Destination Wedding so we absolutely don’t want people get us gifts.  However, Stepmum really wants to throw me a shower as she had all boys so I’m her only girl to do this stuff with.  I too would love a pizza & beer bridal shower 😉 but I think Stepmum wants tea & finger sandwiches so we’ll go with that, but I’m definitely taking advice from this thread on calling it a luncheon rather than shower.  

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