Is it weird to….

posted 1 year ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 48
Member
13606 posts
Honey Beekeeper

So you still physically have the dress but have already shared a photo of it with the mom and presumably the flowergirl herself and told them you are giving it to her. And now you want to take that back and say sorry, I liked it so much I’m keeping it myself, for a child who hasn’t even been born yet? I just want to get the facts straight. 

The only way this would be acceptable is if you had only shared that photo as one of many possibilities and had not yet committed to it. 

Otherwise, rude and strange. 

Post # 49
Member
5757 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: July 2018

This just gets weirder. How long ago did you buy the dress and how long ago did you tell your friend that you had picked the flower girl dress? 

Just keeping it and buying a new flower girl dress is the better option but it’s still bloody strange to keep the dress for a person who hasn’t even been born yet and to tell your friend that you are not having her daughter wear that dress even though you already purchased it. What if your daughter is more of a tomboy and doesn’t want the dress either?

Then there’s the fact that you got pregnant months after getting into a relationship with this guy after planning to get your tubes done, despite the fact that he cheated on you twice in the beginning. 

Post # 50
Member
871 posts
Busy bee

I’m going against popular opinion here (lol what else is new) in saying I’m not seeing a problem here if OP wants to keep the dress herself & buy a different one for the flower girl, which she has said she’s willing to do. OP has fallen in love with the dress and wants to keep it for the daughter she’s pregnant with, she hasn’t even given the dress to the flower girl yet, it’s not like she’s ripping it out of her hands. All OP has done is show a picture of it to her friend, the flower girl’s mom, and didn’t even get a response about it, so I doubt the flower girl’s mom is majorly attached to the dress. So OP keeps the dress she loves and says she’ll pick out a new flower girl dress she thinks her friend will like better. Sounds like a win-win to me. 

And I’m all for kids choosing their own fashions and agree that some girls may not even like wearing dresses, but I think several Bees are missing the point that this dress fits a toddler not an older child. How many toddlers pick out their own clothes and have their own fashion sense when they’re just learning to walk? We’re talking about 9-18 months here. OP can use the dress for a special occasion, a photo shoot, etc. 

Post # 51
Member
356 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

View original reply
MrsNeutrino :  Oh, well if that’s the case, then just buy another dress for the flower girl and keep the dress. I hope you decide soon. I know many may find this “weird” . Personally, I’m sad that you’re putting so much time into it and that it is bothering you. Make a decision that will make you happy and move on to something else. Best of luck to you. 

Post # 52
Member
502 posts
Busy bee

View original reply
MrsNeutrino :  I don’t understand why everyone thinks it’s so strange to purchase a dress for your unborn daughter? People buy clothign and other items for babies/toddlers before they can actually wear them, literally all of the time. Like that’s what a baby shower is. 

I’d just let your friend know you’ve decided on another dress for the flower girl, maybe give her a couple of different options to choose from in hopes that the little girl will wear the dress again and it wont be a wasted gift.

Post # 53
Member
943 posts
Busy bee

i actually don’t think it’s that weird. Just say you changed your mind on the flower girl dress and give her the different one. 

Or, give it to her then ask if she would mind hand-me-downing it to you and your daughter once hers grows out of it? presumably her daughter will grow out of it before very long and then yours could wear it? My friends and I would totally do something like this. I don’t really get why it would be as weird and horrible as everyone is making it out to be. 

Post # 54
Member
637 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2019

Why would you put your daughter in it.. 

Post # 55
Member
3154 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2021

This just seems like such a strange thing to even be an issue. 

You picked a dress you loved for your flower girl. You sent a photo of it to her mother and have not recieved any response to it. Instead of picking up the phone and just asking her “hey, did you get my pic? Did you like the dress? What would you think about me keeping this one and getting a different one for your daughter for the wedding?”, you’re assuming she doesn’t like or care about the dress and want to just change out the dress and inform her about it, rather than doing the normal and polite thing, which would be gauging her feelings about it?

I mean, it’s almost a 100% chance she will be fine with it if you simply explain you fell in love with that dress for your own daughter and the designer stopped making it. But it would feel super weird to just inform her you’ve changed your mind about the dress. It’s not a huge asshole move or anything, but you asked if it’s weird and the answer is yeah. 

I guess I just don’t understand “problems” that pretty much 100% boil down to people simply not engaging in a basic level of communication. 

This woman’s daughter is your flower girl. Presumably that means you are quite close with her. Why is it so hard to just talk to her? Did you even send a follow-up text about the photo? Hell, she may not have even received it properly lol … something that would be quite easy to find out and then rectify simply by talking. 

Post # 56
Member
579 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2019

View original reply
MrsNeutrino :  Keep this one and buy a similar one for the flower girl.

Post # 57
Member
13889 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Another vote for this is super weird.

Post # 58
Member
1939 posts
Buzzing bee

I don’t get the hate for the OP. She loves the dress and is interested in keeping it because it’s her taste, and she asked if it was weird. People said it was. I personally think that’s something to run past her friend first to see if it’s weird to HER. It may not be. If the friend wants to keep the dress afterward, then OP can get a new dress that the mom thinks the flower girl is likely to wear again, and OP can keep the original dress. 

Post # 59
Member
3436 posts
Sugar bee

It sounds weird at first, but if I had a daughter, why would I want to keep the dress she wore as a flower girl? I’d happily give it back just to have less stuff in the closet.

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