(Closed) Is it worth it?

posted 5 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
470 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

I guess for me, I was “waiting” for about a year, then I figured it would happen when it happened and I needed to stop stressing. BUT. I knew he didn’t have the ring. He proposed the day he got it, so I guess that helped. I don’t know what would’ve happened if I knew he had a ring and was just waiting for the right time.

Post # 4
Member
463 posts
Helper bee

Not worth it to me. I don’t need or expect a specially set up proposal moment. It’s cool when it works out that way, but that ship has sailed for us now that each of us knows that the other wants to get married.

Post # 5
Member
9642 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

@beeeforeigocrazy:  Do you know why he’s had the ring since December but hasn’t proposed yet?  Is there some goal he’s working on (like graduation, getting a job, etc.)?  If you know the reason for the wait I’m sure that would make it much easier.  I didn’t have to wait but I can imagine it would be difficult.

Post # 6
Member
366 posts
Helper bee

This!

I really don’t get the whole “wait for the man to surprise me and I don’t get a say in when I move forward with this part of my life” thing.

There was a time when only a man got to propose, he decided, all on his own. There was also a time when only men got to vote, own property, and earn a living. Times have changed and both my partner and I are equally involved in making decisions about our future. We decide about budgets, vacations, decorating, cars, houses, … WHY would only HE get to decide its time for us to get married?

The fact that I’m still expected to let him take 100% control of this one thing is driving me nuts! lol.

Thankfully, he came to the same conclusion last night, so we’re moving forward on the engagement TOGETHER. *cue sigh of relief*

Post # 7
Member
2390 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I think the surprise thing is incredibly stupid.  Once you’ve mutually decided to get married – congrats!  You’re engaged!  You can’t unring that bell.

Post # 8
Member
3258 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Making the proposal perfect was important to me.  That said, once I made the decision, and knew I would ask her to marry me, I went about the planning and looked at the calendar and picked what I thought was the best moment.  It was almost a year from the first time I knew I would ask her until I did it, but in the first 8 months of that time I got scared by the magnitude of it, and so I actually made the decision and backed down again, more than once.

Anyway, creating the perfect moment, and doing it just how I wanted, was important to me.  I was trying to give her a proposal she would want, and remember, but I also wanted it to be special for myself.  You are both equal partners in that moment, and so it’s important for it to be how he wants as well.

But she didn’t know it was coming, or that I had a ring, and I kept it as closely guarded a secret as I could.  I’ve never understood when people say “we’re getting engaged soon.”  If you’ve decided to get engaged, you’re engaged.  We were at the point where we had a passive understanding that we’d get married, but I spent a long time (about 8 months) thinking about it and making sure that it was the best decision for me.  It’s huge.  It’s scary.  It’s worthy of that much contemplation.  Deep down, I knew all along it was right, but that feeling is emotional, and I really forced myself to think it through rationally as well, because I want to get married once, and I want it to be for the rest of my life.

So, there are a lot of reasons he might be waiting.  He might really need this time in order to be ready for the next stage of your lives.

Post # 9
Member
1541 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

The proposal is important to me, but it’s extremely important to SO. In his mind, the proposal and ring are his way of showing me how much he loves me (his words). Because he feels like way, it is important to me. The proposal really isn’t all about me (even though it’s for me), it’s about him too and what he wants.

Post # 10
Member
72 posts
Worker bee

@beeeforeigocrazy:  I think you are just saying it now, that you only want a proposal (because you probably waited long, or you just want a proposal lol )..

 

but I thinhk all of us deep inside want to be suprised… even if you helped pick out a ring and know approximately when it’s gonna happen… because that’s the idea of a proposal, that romantic moment of your life!

I want to be suprised about the place and moment. I hope my SO thnks of something memorable, not like my room …

Post # 12
Member
70 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I’ve always had a problem with this. So not worth it. A simple engagement is waaaaay better than waiting several more months for something big and special. Though if it’s special to your SO than…I guess it’s worth it in some way? My man can’t keep a secret anyway so I pretty much knew the whole thing was coming and was just waiting and waiting.

Post # 13
Member
352 posts
Helper bee

Hmmm, interesting question… Actually, the first time my boyfriend and I had a serious talk about marriage (there had been “forever” talk before that) and we both stated “yes, I want to/plan to marry you at some point” he said to me “uh, so, does this mean we’re engaged now?” and I laughed and said “no! that’s your job!” But yeah, as @Duncan said, I guess it IS kind of like being engaged. We KNOW we’re getting married.

i do still want a proper proposal, and a ring, and I have no idea when it’s coming, but I’m okay with that, I want it to be when my Boyfriend or Best Friend reallllly wants to marry me.

Post # 14
Member
4524 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

The actual proposal is probably 50x more important to my Boyfriend or Best Friend than most women: he is hell-bent on surprising me. 

Post # 15
Member
366 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

I don’t care about the surprise, seriously, he has the ring, he said he will marry me, but he says he is not ready yet to be engaged… so we are waiting. He is a smart, caring, wonderful man, so I just can’t understand this. I try to get him to explain me why he knows he will be ready before the summer (we are going on separate holidays this summer, since our families live 5 000 km apart…) and he said we would be engaged by then. But how does he know he’ll be ready then if he is not now? I don’t know what is going on in his head or if anything is going on at all about the proposal, and it drives me crazy when he says things like ‘It could be anytime!!” . I like yeah, well why not NOW (plus a few bad words in my head)??? I just want to be engaged, to know he is on board, and I couldn’t care less about the surprise!

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