Post # 1
Member
3569 posts
Sugar bee
At dinner tonight one of my girlfriends mentioned she is currently in a fight with her Husband. They have been together for five years I think, and having the same fight for about half that time. My friend insist on dragging her husband shopping with her. She thinks since its a couple times of month she isn’t asking for much and he can put with it, and as a couple sometimes you have to do things your spouse enjoys but you do not like. He of course doesn’t understand why she wants him to go and has a lot of other things he could be doing.This weekend he basically refused and said he rather sleep in, and well they got in a big argument over it.
I just don’t get it, what is the point of dragging your spouse out to do something they prefer not to, but you enjoy? I think if was buying stuff for the house or grocery shopping then I would say he needs to contribute and help with that as it’s a responsibility to be shard by the couple. But it’s shopping for her, and her trying to get him to shop for himself when he clearly has no wish too. I personally think it’s not worth getting into arguments over, or developing a little resentment over. I know I like to linger, try things on, compare prices, and I rather go alone or with a friend when I know it’s just going to annoy Fi to spend hours at the mall or a store, and make him grumpy, or having him ask me every five seconds if I am done yet.
Love to hear thoughts on this, do you force your spouse to go to events or do things which they don’t like?
Post # 3
Member
642 posts
Busy bee
Unless it is something that really needs the both of us there I don’t force my Fiance to do things he doesn’t want to do. Really to me it’s not worth the arguement and I don’t like to feel rushed if I am out shopping. He’s gone on average 5 days a week and I understand that when he gets home all he really wants to do is spend time with the family and his big screen.
Post # 4
Member
5843 posts
Bee Keeper
No, because then he’s just miserable which makes me miserable. It’s not worth it. Plus, when something is really important to me its easier to get him to go to/do things with me.
Post # 5
Member
6511 posts
Bee Keeper
I voted it depends on what it is. I definitely never force him into doing something he doesn’t want to (with the possible exception of registering for china lol), but sometimes we will do something the other person doesn’t love because we like being together, i.e. I’ll watch some baseball with him, and the poor guy has sat through quite a few episodes of Say Yes to the Dress lol
Post # 6
Member
915 posts
Busy bee
Sometimes I guilt Fiance into running errands with me, like grocery store, but he is pretty willing. I would much rather go shopping with my friends though. I don’t think I would ever Make my Fiance go shopping, but at the same time I don’t think my Fiance would ever skip out on anything that I felt was really important that he tag along for…..
Post # 7
Member
11324 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
Stuff like that? Absolutely not. But I do think there is a certain amount of give and take. For example, I don’t like concerts. At all. But my husband still asks me to go with him because he really enjoys them and he wants someone to go with (and we’re talking once/year– max). Similarly– on occassion I’ll ask him to do something I know he doesn’t want to do. Usually this involves some sort of outting with my family or my college friends I know he doesn’t love. Again, this kind of stuff is rare so when it comes up we both deal and attend as cheerfully as we can fake it 🙂
Post # 8
Member
5148 posts
Bee Keeper
I do not “force” my husband to do anything and vice versa. Even if it something we do like, if we just are not up for it for whatever reason we are freely able to choose not to go! We do not own each other or each other’s time or autonomy.
There are times we may each willingly choose to participate in something we are less enthusiastic about in general as we want to spend time together and/or support each other, and that takes primacy over the less-desirable activity, though I cannot think of anything either of us dislikes that much that it would be a huge sacrifice to do in order to spend time together either! My husband is pretty up for anything, more so than I at times I admit. I am the one that gets talked into bungee jumping and the like even though I have severe reservations…lol. Okay, now that I think about it I would not do that again, but I would still hang out with him as support when he did it again.
Post # 9
Member
3569 posts
Sugar bee
@corgitales I think that is part of the issue, it’s something she does frequently and lets be honest it not really good quality time if he is annoyed or they are bickering. I think she should invite a friend or go alone, and instead meet him for dinner or coffee or something after. It’s not worth it to argue over such a petty issue. If it was once in a while like you and your husband, he probably wouldn’t mind as much
Post # 10
Member
4334 posts
Honey bee
It sounds like there is sometihng else going on there, like what if her love language is quality time or something, and that’s how she wants it expressed, but she is not able to explain that to him? Or maybe she resents him “forcing” her to watch sports with her (Every night for example,) and feels like she should get to have him go shopping once in awhile with her.
Post # 11
Member
2413 posts
Buzzing bee
I don’t force Fiance to do anything like that, buuutt….he cooks, cleans, takes the garbage out, goes grocery shopping etc and I’m sure he doesn’t like any of that. In fact, he was so bad at it that I’m in the process of making a chore chart for the both of us that we need to adhere to…
Post # 12
Member
9815 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
I don’t force things I know he hates. I might strongly suggest things I think he might enjoy though. Like last time I took DD to the art museum my husband didn’t want to go and I pushed the issue. Afterwards he admitted that he really enjoyed going. So I try to be selective about what I ask him to do, because sometimes he honestly thinks he won’t like something, and then ends up liking it.
Post # 13
Member
748 posts
Busy bee
I don’t force Fiance to do anything he doesn’t like. I was single for a long time before him and very content to do things by myself, so if he doesn’t want to do something I have no qualms about going out and having a good time on my own. He tends to be the opposite, and wants me with him for everything regardless of if I’d rather stick my head in the microwave than watch him play video games or sit through another fight practice.
He does have to do the laundry but other than that he doesn’t even have any chores. He just helps out when he feels like it. I’m starting to think he’s freaking spoiled! lol
Post # 14
Member
3569 posts
Sugar bee
I agree with doing things which you don’t like every once in a while for your spouse. However I think asking them to consistently do something which they dislike is a bad idea as it creates resentment on both sides. I suggested to her that she find something they both like to do. I don’t see a point in dragging him around or trying things and asking for his advice on what to buy when he clearly has zero interest in shopping.
Post # 15
Member
5540 posts
Bee Keeper
Things like dishes and helping with laundry? Yes. But generally no.
Post # 16
Member
2521 posts
Sugar bee
Most of the time not. I’m not married yet but there are times when I insist that my Fiance join me for something or do something. He insists that I do things sometimes. However, going shopping does not require both of us unless he’s specifically asking for my input or vice versa.