Post # 1
to demote a maid of honor for another?
please read rant before answering!
ok so FH has friends. I dont. i used to. but when i graduated high school i had to move to another state. 13 states or so away. and then my friends when off to college and what not and we drifted apart. well i moved back and the friends i had are still gone kind of. some are here. we talk occasionally on FB but thats about it. i would really love to reconnect with these friends. 2 girls i was best friends with in particular.
what Im getting at is this..FH has his best man and groomsmen picked and I by default picked his 2 sisters. i did however get kind of close to them and closer to one than the other and she was closer to my age so i picked her for my Maid/Matron of Honor and the other for a Bridesmaid or Best Man.
well, it has been 5-6 months and things have changed. i barely talk to the Maid/Matron of Honor and she never comes around any more and i feel like she has a whole new list of priorities that dont involve my wedding. shes asked me one in the 5 months “how the planning is going” and thats about it.the other sister (BM) has helped me with favors and planning and what not.
im young. and ive never been married before but im pretty sure the definition of Maid/Matron of Honor entails at least being interested and helping planning right….
ive been talking recently with the girl i used to be best friends with on FB and she even offered to help with anything if i needed it. (and like i said the only reason we grew apart is because i moved and she goes to school a couple hours away) i feel that she and i could reconnect and possibly asking her to be my new Maid/Matron of Honor would bring us closer together again. what do you think?
Post # 3
Ok here’s the deal.. I was a Bridesmaid or Best Man for a friend who picked a Maid/Matron of Honor who didn’t really do anything. She knew that would happen, but didn’t want to hurt her friend. So, she just explainend to me that she didn’t want to cause rifts but asked if I would take up Maid/Matron of Honor duties for planning stuff.. and of course I understood and would never want her to have a terrible wedding experience because someone hated her now or because she never had a shower or bach party. That being said, explain the situation to your closer friend and ask her if she would be wiling to TACTFULLY pick up the slack so that you don’t have to hurt someone’s feelings. I’m sure she will say of course 🙂
Post # 4
you could ask your Maid/Matron of Honor if she would mind having a co-MOH to help her. She will probably say yes, then you can have another Maid/Matron of Honor without demoting anyone.
Post # 5
missbitsnpieces that could work but as i said she lives in a different state (couple hours away) so i wouldnt want to ask her to do it but not actually be doing it.
and the other one will notice because shes talked to me months ago about my bach party and bridal shower so shell know when she mentions these things and i say oh theyre already planned and what not.
and like i said shes FH sister and shes really touchy/emotional so i know it will not end well.
but even he says i should pick someone else
Post # 6
mrscandy but her schedule is really tight and she never has time to even meet with me so that wouldnt work
Post # 7
@cllyons: I think that you should fully reconnect with this girl before you offer her any kind of role in your wedding. I have a number of high school “friends” that I lost contact with over the years but who have recently come back into my life. I already have my Maid/Matron of Honor and bridesmaids (my 3 best friends since 6th grade) but if I didn’t, I wouldn’t offer an old friend a role in my wedding until I once again considered her one of my “besties” (I don’t really use that term but it seems fitting here). I also don’t really think its ever okay to demote someone unless you want your relationship to be seriously impacted.
Post # 8
I agree, you shouldnt demote your Maid/Matron of Honor. She didnt do anything wrong to deserve a demotion. And it sounds like she is already planning your bachelorette party and bridal shower? It would be incrediably rude to demote her in this case. It is nice that your other friends want to help though.
Post # 9
I would advise you to do what you feel you need to do. Take it from me, if your Maid/Matron of Honor is not involved now she never will be. My Maid/Matron of Honor is EXACTLY what you described and I still totally resent her for not even bothering to ask me how things were going, much less helping with anything.
If you feel you need to demote Maid/Matron of Honor to a Bridesmaid or Best Man, then do so. But if you are still not sure who you want as your Maid/Matron of Honor then just hold out a bit. I know you don’t have an insane amount of time, but I really wish I would’ve waited until 4-5 months before the wedding to pick a Maid/Matron of Honor.
Post # 10
CaitMarae thats what i am worried about most…our relationship. but like i said, we got close and now i never see her. maybe once in the last couple months. she has a new job and new friends and therefore new priorities. she doesnt seem to have trouble finding time to see her friends but our schedules never match to get together
mrscandy there hasnt been any planning yet. she just asked me if i wanted them.
she also went to the Bridesmaid or Best Man dress appointment knowing we were getting the dresses that day and she was 20 min late. and didnt bring any money. i ended up paying for her dress and have yet to see a penny of it back.
CaraMia10 i now wish i would have waited too. it stinks because ive already done most of my planning (i like to plan and be prepared =) and ive done it alone. aside from help from FHs other sister