(Closed) Is it wrong…?

posted 7 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
4162 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

No it’s not wrong for you to have said that at all!!  Stick to your guns lady.

Post # 4
2863 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

Not wrong at all. If his 5 years max doesn’t fit in with your education then he needs to readjust his timeline. Thats life, things don’t always happen on some pre set 5 year plan. You getting your degree is worth putting children off for awhile longer. 

Post # 7
320 posts
Helper bee

Absolutely not wrong! What I think is wrong is you feeling like you have to tailor your life to the timeline of an SO that is so much older than you. Finishing your schooling and starting your career is important, you shouldn’t rush yourself to fit in babies too, before you’re comfortable or ready. And then to top it off, feeling like you should be okay with having your children out of wedlock and without commitment from your SO, just so he can have things his way. Wtf?

Post # 8
1013 posts
Bumble bee

Stick to your guns. Your young and you have accomplishments to make before you have children and ONE of them is marriage.  You have a right to want marriage first for the security of the child. 

Post # 9
344 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

one question: Who is carrying the baby for 9 months?

Post # 11
3798 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Stick to your guns! Nothing wrong with saying you want marriage before babies.

I went through something similar lately. Fiance told me he does not want to have kids past the age of 35. Then one day I finally broke down and started crying because it had been weighing on my for a while that I had to choose – either dont go back to school and have kids NOW, or go back to school and risk not being able to have kids b/c of his dumb timeline.

Then I realized that, ok it’s nice that he has a timeline, but I’m the one that has to get pregnant and put my life on hold for baby. And what if there are complications? I finally told him this after my crying fit and he realized that he was not being supportive/reasonable. He admitted that he never ment for me to feel pressured to choose and that we can talk about it once I’m done school. My program is only 2 years, though.

You just have to talk to him. You are 20…if you want to be a vet or do something else with your life, he should support that, and then worry about a family. He might realize that he is being unreasonable. Or you might realize that his demands are not working for you.

Post # 12
4477 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

Stick to your guns, honey.  You’re so young and have goals and plans.  He’s had lots of time to accomplish those things, it’s unfair of him to cut your time short for this stuff because of his timeline.  If his timeline’s so important, he should have dated someone who was already at the point of being ready.  Instead he chose you, and because of that, tough cookies if it’s not soon enough for him.


Congrats on your program, btw.  🙂

Post # 14
823 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

It’s your life. Don’t make any decisions that you aren’t behind yourself 100%. Otherwise you might end up resenting your boyfriend/future husband and even your children. You are so young, get your education, live your life, and then let everything else fall into place. My mom (who is now divorced from my dad) got married young and had children young. She always goes on and on about going back and redoing her life. She would have stayed in school, would have put off children for later. I would hate to live with that kind of regret, especially when you have so much time. If he isn’t willing to be flexible, then he isn’t a very understanding partner. Just because he happens to be so much older, it should not mean that you are on a tigher timeline. He’ll have to wait, and as another poster said, that’s just life sometimes!! Best of luck to you though! 

Post # 15
1278 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

I think you know the answer – you want to wait until your program is complete. But who says you can’t get married before you finish your program? That way you can finish your program, start work, and then begin thinking about having a baby.

I would say though that babies dont have to complicate or change your life – a lot of my friends have returned to study part time after having their children. 

I am sure he will be fine with this – 5 years is still a long way away!

Post # 16
290 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

I agree that a five year timeline is a bit unfair to you, especially considering age and how much you still want to do before then.

On another topic, if you are waffling about your vet school dreams- reconsider. I say that with the best intentions and a good bit of experience. The 8 year plan works out for the vast minority of people, most take longer and vet school is not something to do half heartedly. Even the most enthusiastic people get burned out at some point, and those that aren’t 100% sure end up miserable.

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