(Closed) Is it wrong for me to be upset?

posted 6 years ago in Family
Post # 3
2559 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

@brandybelle:  Its not right. It is her second marriage. its my first (and ONLY) marriage.

That’s pretty judgy of you, I think – it’s not relevant whether it’s her first or second marriage, it deserves to be celebrated. Hopefully this is your only marriage, but hoping you don’t have to experience second marriage judgment later!

Otherwise, I see why you’re venting. You can’t help how you feel, but you can help how you act – be the bigger person. Your wedding is first, it will be special and wonderful, your flower girl will be thrilled and you Mother-In-Law will be too. It shouldn’t take anything away from your experience! I wouldn’t end my honeymoon early, but that’s up to y’all. Just concentrate on how awsome your wedding is going to be and put her concerns by the wayside πŸ™‚

Post # 5
341 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I would be much more upset if it was two weeks before.  Everyone knows you were planning yours first and the flower girl is going to be more excited for your wedding because it is the first one!  I am sure the weddings will be very different from one another and your Future Mother-In-Law is going to be more excited about your wedding too because her son is getting married.  That trumps sisters wedding πŸ˜‰

Honestly unless you really want to be there, you should not end your honeymoon early.  You had plans and she knew that when she planned her wedding.  That may have been the only date that worked for her so I am sure she will understand if you can not make it.

Post # 6
779 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I would be upset too.. As much as people are going to say like, no, the world doesn’t revolve around you, this is none of your concern, yadda yadda. They would be upset too if this happened, and if all their FI’s side couldn’t make it to their wedding, stuff like that.

Like my Mom as going to get married a month before me. It was her forth wedding. This is going to be my first. I was happy for my Mom, but I begged her to have it some other time, like a year in advance, or later. And she agreed! Happily! But then they broke up.. haha, so I guess it didn’t end well.

But all in all, I was upset, EVEN if I knew I shouldn’t have been. It’s okay to be emotional about this and feel a little let down. I’m not saying ask her to change her date or anything, but it’s okay to be upset about this for a time. But you can’t like this bring you down for your entire planning process. This is a happy time! Think of all the other people who are going to make it, like your side and all your friends together as a couple! And think, smaller guest list means less people to feed! πŸ™‚ Be happy! Don’t let this be a big grey cloud in your wedding planning process. You and your Fiance have each other. Even if nobody made it to the wedding, it would be you and him at the end, and the start of your happy lives together! πŸ™‚ Yay love!!!!

Also, if she can’t make it to your wedding, why should you have to make it to hers? Don’t cut your honey moon short for that! You only get one of those!!! πŸ™‚

Post # 7
6124 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

So second marriages are not/should not be as important?  I feel hurt since I just had my second marriage, now I know how people really feel. 

What if your spouse dies?  What if he turns into an abusive jerk after marriage?


I do not thnk you have to leave your Honeymoon early at all.  Afterall you had that time set aside for that?  Just send a card and or gift (optional as with all weddings) and wish her well.  There could be a chance that she moves the date.  I mean it’s still so far away.  Maybe she’ll realize there needs to be a little more gap if she wants similar guests to show up at hers.  Maybe she’s just having immediate family, who knows.

At one point I had two sisters that were getting married 3 weeks apart.  Yes, that was two flights, two hotels, two BMs dresses, two gifts.  But for sisters you do that.  Other people it’s not as required.  One didn’t go through with the wedding.  There’s still time, lots could happen.

Post # 8
1638 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@brandybelle:  I personally would not cut your honeymoon short. It’s not fair to you. I’m sorry but your aunt should have considered how family was going to accomidate both weddings.

Send your decline RSVP and a gift. If you get flack, Iwould tell them you’ve already made your honeymoon plans and nothing can change.

Post # 9
1513 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

i get feeling initially upset, but take a step back… are all these concerns you have about her wedding confirmed issues or just assumptions?

– do you even know what type of wedding FI’s aunt will be having? maybe its going to be incredibly low key and have a significantly smaller guest list than yours so those out of town people wont even be invited?

– did the aunt ever SAY she will not be able to go to your wedding since she will have to deal with her own? i know multiple people (as in 4 different couples) who attended weddings within 3 weeks of their own. including one couple who attended a friday wedding when theirs was on sunday.

-have you already booked your honeymoon? if so and the the aunt has not already booked a venue for the wedding, can’t you just point out to her that you’ll still be away then and you’d love to be there if she pushed it back a week or 2?

– does Fiance desperately want to go to this wedding? if not, and your Honeymoon is all set, then  ohwell. you miss it. if he does and she has already booked, and you havent, can’t you just go on your Honeymoon 2 weeks later?  

– did your Future Mother-In-Law say that she will be unable to help you with your wedding since she is Maid/Matron of Honor in her sister’s wedding? my guess is that being Maid/Matron of Honor in your adult sister’s 2nd wedding is probably not as time intensive as being Maid/Matron of Honor in your wedding (or mine for that matter). most 2nd time brides have showers that are much more low key, and the bride at this stage probably doesnt need as much help with the planning. she’s been through it before.

-did your flower girl say anything about not being excited about being a flower girl since she gets to do it twice? i cant see any little girl i know not being super pumped to get to wear not 1 but 2 awesome twirly dresses…

Post # 10
7403 posts
Busy Beekeeper

I wouldn’t leave my honeymoon early for it. I can understand feeling somekind of way because she made comments about your relationship and timing. But other than that, you will need to try you best to concentrate on the things that are within your control. I mean at least its after you wedding and not before.

Post # 12
3220 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

I agree, I wouldn’t leave my honeymoon early.  I think her wedding is just as special as hers and deserves to be celebrated equally, but you’ll be on your honeymoon so you won’t be able to make it.

Post # 13
947 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

You and your future husband shouldn’t have to cut your honeymoon short just because she’s getting married- that’s not fair. I would still go on whatever Honeymoon you were initially planning

Post # 14
6124 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

@bostongirl27:  Those are great points! I agree!

Post # 15
429 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I never think it’s “wrong” to feel one way because it’s difficult to control your feelings.  However, the feelings are being led by emotions regarding weddings.  It is not completely unbiased because it’s regarding your own wedding.  You don’t have to attend her wedding.  Go on with your honeymoon and don’t worry about her wedding.  

Post # 16
701 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I think it was pretty rude of her to decide her wedding date without finding out if it would interfere with your plans…Well I don’t know if “rude” is even the right word. I’ll just say that if *I* were the aunt, I would have made sure NOT to interfere with my nephew’s wedding. Since she didn’t, at this point there’s not much you can do. If I were you I would just go about my business and try not to let it bother you.

I would not cut my honeymoon short.

I would not worry that people won’t travel two weeks before another wedding. I’m assuming they all live by the aunt? I think they will travel if they really want to be at both weddings. I don’t take two week long trips when I go visit people in another state unless it is a planned vacation. Unless people have already told you for sure that they were not going to be able to make yours, I wouldn’t worry (yet).

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