(Closed) Is it wrong of me….

posted 7 years ago in Bridesmaids
  • poll: Can I ask my friend to not invite her on again/off again bf to the wedding?
    yes : (11 votes)
    39 %
    no : (17 votes)
    61 %
  • Post # 3
    3522 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: December 2010

    Yes, it is bridezilla-ish. You don’t get to give conditional plus-ones.

    Post # 4
    3175 posts
    Sugar bee

    I don’t think it is bridezilla of you. This is your special event and if it detracts from your day to have him there, and there seems to be GREAT potential that things may go south on the wedding day between them, don’t invite him in the first place. I am giving “conditional plus ones” if my friends are still with their longterm boyfriends when the wedding roles around (we know and like them all) then they can bring them, however if this is not the case, please don’t bring a stranger (or in your case, someone worse than a stranger).

    Post # 5
    61 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    Normally I would say that you don’t get to dictate who people bring as a guest. This sounds like a special case though. I would say talk to her. Maybe this is a good time to talk to her about how you feel about their relationship and your concern for her physical and mental well being. The whole night will be much more stress free and fun for you and her if he doesn’t come.

    Post # 6
    157 posts
    Blushing bee

    hmmmm, in the interest of avoiding drama on your wedding day: 50% of me would ask her not to invite him.

    The other 50% of me thinks you would be alienating her if you asked her not to bring him.

    My reasoning behind this? I was in an abusive relationship and NOBODY in my family wanted this guy around. He wasn’t ever invited to a family function, holiday, wedding, barbeque, graduation, etc. in the entire 7 years we were together. Yes, 7 years! While I was “smart” enough to realize why they didn’t want him around and accepted that fact, a part of me was seriously resentful that they didn’t love me enough (I know how crazy it sounds but that’s where I was at during that time of my life) to want to include the person I was sharing myevery day life with. Furthermore, I stopped talking to my only brother for 2 years because he refused to accept my relationship. 2 years I will never get back. So while I completely understand where you’re coming from, there is a bunch of deeper issues that she’s dealing with that may push her over the edge and DIRECTLY into his abusive coercive ways. Tread carefully on this.

    Post # 8
    9029 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2011

    I think it should be her decision… if you have space for her to bring a guest, she should choose who that guest is.

    Post # 11
    921 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2011

           In this case as they aren’t dating I would mention to her that you would prefer if she choose someone else to bring. I wouldn’t make a big deal about it if she did.. I would just mention it to her now while there is time. I had a similar situation where I don’t like one of my BMs on/off exes (she used to be my roomate.. and there is a lot of history) I told her I would prefer it if she didnt  bring him as her date.. she was fine with it as she knows Fiance and I aren’t fans of him and she is bringing someone else.

    Post # 12
    4336 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: October 2011

    wow, that’s a hard decision. normally, yes, I think the whole Wedding Party, and def the Maid/Matron of Honor gets an automatic “plus 1,” but if there is some serious abusive or manipulative concerns with him… you might have to decide between alienating her from yourself if you say he can’t come and having him around…

    maybe you could say to her, “look, you know how I feel about him. I just don’t think it’s good for either of us if he is there. I’m not going to forbid you from bringing him, but really, it’s just one day, and it’s also my wedding day. could you please try and bring someone else?”

    Post # 13
    13099 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: July 2010

    I think if you give her a +1, you cannot dictate who that +1 can or cannot be (no matter how much you hate this on again, off again BF).

    The topic ‘Is it wrong of me….’ is closed to new replies.

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