(Closed) Is it wrong that I am tryin to out do my sister in law

posted 6 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
4887 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Yeah, sorry, I do think it’s wrong that you’re making a competition out of this, and “rub it in her face”.  Your weddings were originally an entire year apart?  And you let your feelings about her wedding affect your own event so much that you canceled plans, lost large sums of money, and now harbor some serious ill will and… revenge?  

 

My apologies, but this sounds ridiculous to me.  Completely immature and just… kinda nasty on your part.  I hope your event is lovely in the end!

Post # 4
Member
1542 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

@almost mrs: I’m going to be honest with you, I don’t think it’s wrong. We’re women and we’re competitive human beings, we want our things to be as good as everyone else’s.

Getting married a year appart from each other is hard enough, but her getting the same church and venue?? Talking about a peach, that’s a slap in tha face in my book.

Post # 5
Member
4803 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@KristenGotMarried: +1

 

I do think it’s weird she’d book the same venue and if I was your Fiance I’d ask her why the heck she did that. But she is going to be your family forever, so being so petty about it and talking about rubbing it in her face and how extreme your feelings are just seems really wrong. You’re taking a happy event and turning it into taking revenge on your Future Sister-In-Law. Come on now, you must know that’s wrong.

Post # 6
Member
14402 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

I dont think it’s really wrong to want to either.  But the only person that really cares is you, so there is nothing to truely gain from it.  I doubt if  anyone else would really compare.

Post # 7
Member
4803 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@Coffee cup:  How is getting married a year apart from eachother hard? If you have a four year engagement there is absolutely no way you cannot expect that a sibling might end up getting married first. And there is absolutely nothing wrong or inconvenient about having weddings a year apart. I think saying that woman are competitive is kind of a cop out, weddings should not be a competition! If you are basing your wedding decisions about making sure it’s better than a specific other persons’, I think your priorities are way out of order.

Post # 8
Member
4887 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

@Wonderstruck: +1 x1,000

 

Since when is getting married a competition?  Shouldn’t we all be happy and supportive of each other, regardless of the circumstances?  I mean come on.  It’s one thing to be a little upset/envious/jealous of someone else’s situation, but it’s a whole different ballgame to harbor such ill-will and negativity about a wedding that was an entire year ago.

Also, do you think your sister in law is really going to be jealous?  Maybe she’s perfectly happy with the way her wedding went and is actually happy for you and excited to attend your event.  

Sorry, I just dont get it.

Post # 10
Member
107 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: January 2012

@KristenGotMarried: I agree with you.

@almost mrs: I do think it was horrible of the SIL to book your exact reception venue after you asked her not to.  But it’s over and done with now and you really should not try to make a competition out of this. Seriously, it was almost 5 months ago – time to get over it and move on to your own wedding. I don’t think it’s going to look like copying if you get married in the same church – especially if it’s in the same family.  

Also, if you had such a long engagement, I’m sure it was bound to happen that someone in your circle of family/friends would have chosen the same venue as you before you have your day.  I’ve been to two different weddings at the same venue and they could not have been more different.  I even went to the same church for two weddings that were two months apart and it was not even the same sermon!  

Good Luck! 

Post # 12
Member
4803 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I think it’s quite a stretch to say that your Future Sister-In-Law changed her sexual orientation, had a baby, and got married all to take away attention from your Fiance. If that is actually true, it sounds like her life is sad and crazy enough that I do not at all understand why you feel like you need to have a better day than her and win, clearly you already have if her self worth is low enough to go through all that just for attention. But it seems extremely unlikely.

Post # 13
Member
2053 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

@almost mrs: I can understand your feelings on this. I had a wedding “stolen” from me about 10 years ago. I had called off a wedding but my parents turned around and gave all the info. to one of my brothers who was marrying next. I know my parents were just trying to help but I don’t think they ever realized they just handed over my wedding to my brother and his wife. I don’t think my brother/sis-in-law realized how much that hurt for them to just accept it. Same venue, caterer, baker, band, the works.

We were living in Long Island, New York where weddings are such huge business, so it wasn’t like good venue and vendor choices were limited, and they certainly had plenty of time to plan. I am still very angry that happened, but in looking back they did nothing to personalize their wedding. They had the foundation of a wedding I had already set up but they did *nothing* to make it their own. So, in planning my own years later, I made sure to have lots of personal touches and it made such a difference in the experience.

I admit that there was a small part of me that wanted my brother and his wife to be pea green with envy in seeing my wedding. As it turns out, this brother and his wife did not attend my wedding — he claimed he couldn’t get out of teaching even though he had a year’s notice. Lame! It is just as well they weren’t there. But a piece of me smirks knowing they’ll see the lovely photos of my day and be jealous. 😉

However! I strongly suggest that you to distance yourself from the competitiveness. It is just healthier for you all around. How much will this additional agenda overshadow your wedding plans? Seriously, to what end? Find a way to keep yourself in check, dismiss her and her shenanigans because she isn’t worth your time, and just concentrate on what makes you happy for your day. Good luck!

Post # 14
Member
14402 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

@almost mrs: if she’s already apparently jealous of just about everything regarding your Fiance and his life, then who the hell cares?  why even bothering trying to “compete”, you guys are already “winning” and she’s just always catching up and following.  I wouldnt have bothered losing depsosits or a second thought on her.  Who caares???  Screw what she is or isnt doing to try to one up you.  Just do whatever you want to be happy for youselves.

Post # 16
Member
3220 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

By competing with her, you’re letting her win.  If you let her get to you, it’s only making you the more bitter and less-happy person. 

If you let it go, she’ll do whatever she wants and live her crazy, unfulfilled life, but you’ll get your life back.  Don’t compete, don’t base your life off of hers.

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