Post # 1
My best friend is getting married! She asked me to be one of her 4 bridesmaids, which I happily said yes to.
The bride wants to have 2 bachelorette parties. Her Maid/Matron of Honor is not old enough to drink yet, so she wants one party now where we can go out to a bar and drink, and one closer to the wedding where there won’t be drinking because of her sister.
My question is: Are the bridesmaids expected to pay for the bride at both parties? The other BMs and I are all just out of college or still in college and don’t have a lot of money to spend on extravagent nights out. Even the bride is just out of college and unemployed but wants to have us get a hotel room for a night, take her to dinner, and buy her drinks at a bar for the one, and pretty much the same thing for the second, except subsitute bowling for drinking.
I understand that she’s getting married, and the bachelorette party is part of the experience, but with all the expenses for the wedding I’m already paying, it seems like a lot to ask to treat her for both parties. Would it be rude to buy her drinks, but ask her to pay for her portion of the hotel room and dinner?
Post # 3
In my opinion, a bachelorette party is not a requirement and the bride shouldn’t demand when it is or the activities. I think it’s up to the BMs to decide what a fun evening would look like (incorporating the fact that not everyone may be old enough to drink) and plan according to their budget. I personally would get all the BMs together, pick a date and then tell the bride to “keep the evening free” but not tell her every little detail.
Post # 4
hmm..here’s what we are doing (though i dont know who is paying for what..doesn’t matter to me). my Maid/Matron of Honor is 19, and i have an 11 year old junior bridesmaid. we are going to go out for dinner somewhere that they can attend, and then go out after that and drink (though it’s a surprise WHERE we are going). could you do something like that? it wouldnt be as expensive.
Post # 5
Well, I understand her thinking that she wants to have 2 nights out so she can have the ‘real’ bachelorette experience at bars, but also include the underage Bridesmaid or Best Man as well. But if she’s asking you to do something you all can’t afford right now, there’s a problem with that. You should plan on going to an inexpensive restaurant and cheap bar with some kind of drink special so you can all still treat her but it isn’t draining your wallett completely. And for the bowling night, bowling is really expensive so I would probably ask her if she could contribute. At that point it’s the 2nd bachelorette party adn she’s calling the shots with the planning so it’s appropriate for her to pitch in. But try as best you can to make the first one affordable to treat her. I think that’s a good compromise.
Post # 5
Could you combine the two nights into one? Have dinner, bowling, and THEN go out (and send underage Bridesmaid or Best Man home at that point). Would it be cheaper to taxi home or rent a limo/town car/whatever than to rent a hotel room? Or even arrange with one of your SOs to come pick you guys up at the end of the night. I think there are a lot of ways to cut costs here. To answer your question, I think it’s nice when the BMs pay for the bride, but I don’t think it’s a requirement. Maybe don’t pick the nicest restaurant in town (but find something nicer than McDonald’s LOL!), see if each Bridesmaid or Best Man can agree to buy one drink each for the bride, I think you could make this work without breaking the bank, and without having two seperate nights.
Post # 6
I think since she’s dictating the activities, she should expect to pay for her share.It just seems against the spirit of the party for her to plan everything but then expect you all to pick up the whole tab.
If the bridesmaids decided on their own to throw a party for her, and the bridesmaids planned everything and had control over the event, then that would be different, and I wouldn’t expect the bride to pay anything.
Post # 7
I don’t get why she would be telling you how to organize a party for her… A bachelorette party is not an obligation, it’s something the friends of the bride organize if they want to, so her requesting two parties is just something I can’t understand.
So no, I wouldn’t foot the bill for two different parties. I would organize a nice bachelorette party, and if she wants to celebrate again after that, she can organize that herself.
Post # 8
My friends paid for the majority of my b-party, and we went out to dinner/hotel room, but I certianly was buying rounds during the night for everyone.