Post # 17
It’s really his problem, not yours. Be yourself. Do what you want. There is nothing wrong in being strong.
For me this would be a dealbreaker. I don’t want children and I am not interested in domestic chores. When I was dating I promply asked if the man wanted children. And if he wanted them, I stopped dating him.
My SO and I split the chores at home and I would not live with a man who would not split chores. I have a good education and I’m intelligent. I would not give all that up for a man. My mother gave up a lot for my father and the example is too frightening. She has no life of her own.
Post # 18
you’re absolutely not wrong to be a strong, successful woman, but if your so doesn’t respect that…that would be a dealbreaker for me, personally. one of the things I love most about my dh is that he not only accepts my independence and drive, he encourages it. right now he’s the one with the higher salary because I’m in grad school, but he’s moved with me so I can go to school, and will be willing to go with me wherever I get the best job opportunity when I finish my phd. that doesn’t mean I never consider him in mutual decisions–not at all, where we are now was both of our top choices of my options when I was applying for programs, for example. but mutuality and an equal partnership are central to both of our visions of how our relationship should be and the goals we work towards together
Post # 19
@eloping: Hmm. this post really struck a chord for me. I’m the stronger, more driven one by far and one of my fears for my relationship is that my FH won’t be able to “be the man” when I need him. He shirks a lot of things, and I let it slide, but if push came to shove I worry that he wont be able to step up and proactively be my advocate.
Hmmm. Who knew reading this post would stir some things for me. Interesting.
OP – there is nothing wrong with being the strong one…go for it – don’t leave yourself too many regrats. including your education, before you start a family. 25 is still so young!
Post # 20
I disagree. I don’t think he has a problem. He prefers a woman with a more submissive nature. You are not that woman. There is no right or wrong. It is what each person wants out of a relationship.
What is wrong is 2 people preferring completely different things.
Post # 21
Thia post frustrates me. We aren’t in the 1950s anymore, and it’s 100% acceptable for a woman to go out, get a job, be able to support herself, and be strong, successful, and independent. Marriage should be a partnership, not a control/power-struggle thing, and for him to subtly suggest that you should put your dreams off and be the more submissive wife gives him all the control. If your dream is to get a doctorate, then get a doctorate. Your Fiance should be on board with your desires to better yourself and continue your education. It’s a huge dealbreaker for me when someone tries to challenge or limit my dreams.
I don’t think being strong and confident is a turn-off for men; I think it is for your Fiance, and that shows that there are some things for you to discuss in your relationship. If I was the submissive wife-type (no career aspirations. no drive for education, or shutting down my own dreams because my partner didn’t approve), my relationship would have imploded long ago. Fiance encourages me every single day as I trudge through my grad school work and juggle it with my job. If he didn’t, he wouldn’t be my Fiance.