(Closed) Is it wrong to be sad if someone's pregnant? LONG!

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
7641 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2012

@alohapanda:  First, if you’re getting married in May why is your wedding date August 31? Either way the baby will be old enough where your Future Mother-In-Law won’t dote on it so much. Besides, I think the birth of a baby is way more important than  wedding, personally.

That aside, just plan your wedding. You don’t need your Future Mother-In-Law to help plan your wedding. You plan it with your Fiance and your bridesmaids, if you have any and if they are willing to help.

Post # 5
9538 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

You always have the right to feel whatever emotions you feel. What you have to be careful about is whether you express those emotions to others. I think it is totally normal to be jealous of those that are pregnant when you want to be pregnant but aren’t. That’s how jealously works. But I would absolutely advise against saying anything about this to any of your fiance’s family as it will likely come off bad. Recognize your jealousy and then you just have to get over it. Her having a child has no bearing whatsoever on you having a child. Children will be welcomes whatever their gender whether their the first or tenth grandchild. And I would try to put a nix on worries about your Future Mother-In-Law being occupied with the baby instead of the wedding. Think about if it was reversed and it was you that was pregnant! And I’m sure your Future Mother-In-Law is capable of being excited for both events.

You’re not stupid or mean or a bad person. You’re just reacting to jealousy. Nothing wrong with that or with sharing that on the boards. But you need to get it under control so that it doesn’t beocme apparent to your Future In-Laws. So think about how nice it will be to have another niece or nephew and congratulate everyone profusely and absolutely do not turn it into an attention competition of baby vs wedding. It’s like anything else. It hits you hardest at first. I think it will get easier for you to be happy for your SIL with some time. Just keep it together until that point.

Post # 7
105 posts
Blushing bee

Babyfever combined with prewedding stress will get your emotions all over the place. Refocus, you are thinking about this to long. You want a baby and they are having one, you are afraid they will steal your thunder somehow (either at your wedding or when you have a baby). Just dismiss all the other things, those are other peoples worries.

I totally get it, I would love another child but my SO doesn’t. My sister is pregnant right now. I cried when she announced it, got really cranky when I first saw her finished babyroom. But never when I was with her, I only expressed my happiness. And with my SO I cry and be angry 🙂

It’s okay to feel this way, cry for a bit, talk to your fiance and then let go. And focus on your wedding! It will be a fun day full of love and your Future Mother-In-Law will love your wedding.


Post # 8
2115 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

If you are that connected with his mother than i dont think she will ignore you or your child. i have a rocky relationship with my FI’s brothers wife.. we started out friends but ended up in what i felt like a compition. she got pregnant within months of their relationship. and they ended up with 3 weddings. in which everyone helped out. my Fiance said he wanted to wait till ALL theyre wedding we done before he asked me. his girlfriend of seven years. (not to mention how much everyone showed how sorry they felt for me at all her weddings cuz he didnt ask me yet) i didnt even feel bad about it untill i got so much “ohh dont worry you will be next or dont feel bad.” i wish he didnt wait till all of them were done but it is what it is. he wanted them to have their lime light. sweet. the story goes on and on.the compitition continues. what ever i want she has to go and get. i want to learn how to play guiter now she has to…before me. i wanted a my friend deer. she went behind my back when i couldnt go due to work and got hers. i dont think it will ever end. she acts like we are great friends but then does all this other stuff. like purposly excluding me from the family sport team. you mention it to her she has no idea what youre talking about.

but now it seems like everyone is stand off ish about helping out with my wedding.  like theyre sick of weddings or something. idk

but my advice is to just try to get over it and focus on the two of you. dont count on anyone too hard cuz you will prob get disapointed. try to kill her with kindness cuz i just dont know if her compitition is ever going to stop. like the step sister you never had:) You gotta hope that one day she might change. And be happy that you found the love of your life and try not to let anyone spoil it for you guys. 

i try not to let her rile me up or suck me into the chick drama. i hope you do the same but its easier said than done.


Post # 9
2408 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

Well you can’t help how you feel. It’s what you do about it that matters. For what it’s worth- I had the first granddaughter on my husband’s side. My Mother-In-Law still favors her younger granddaughter- husband’s sisters kid. You just never know.

Post # 10
2246 posts
Buzzing bee

I have serious issues with my Brother-In-Law and his wife, as well.  Honestly, I’ve been struggling so hard that I feel that I could benefit from therapy.  The best advice I can give you is to not let these feelings consume your life.  At least you clearly have the better relationship with your Mother-In-Law and it doesn’t look like your FBIL’s wife is threatening that.  My BIL’s wife coming into the picture has damaged my relationship with my Mother-In-Law, and I am close to my Mother-In-Law like you are to yours.  Don’t worry, it’s not like this is their first grandchild or something.  Usually, they chill out after the first one.  So, they won’t ignore your wedding!

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