(Closed) Is it wrong to feel hurt about this?

posted 5 years ago in Money
Post # 4
Member
9614 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

Sounds like my dad!  He’s pulled the rug out from me more than once in my life in the same way, so I feel for you.   (And favored my sister over me many times, too!)

I’ve learned to let it go.  I’m an adult now and I pay my own way for everything.  Try to look at it this way – once you can let it go it’s a liberating feeling!  I understand feeling upset but it’s only worth so much negative energy.  Try to focus on something more positive if you can.  Some men just suck at being dad’s, sad to say. 

Post # 5
Member
6746 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2014

Why don’t you talk to him about how you feel?  Don’t make it about the money, make it about the fact that he insisted to pay and now he’s not and that he isn’t as helpful as he was with your sister and ask him why that is.  I have a pretty open relationship with my parents and I think I’m pretty open with everyone in my life.  If something hurts you, let them know and don’t let it fester.  Just let them know in a nice, calm manner.

Post # 6
Member
6746 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2014

As a side note, just know that lots of people offer to pay and then don’t fork over the money.  I’ve seen it happen many times, so I would say – never anticipate the money coming in and always plan like it won’t.  If it comes in, great that’s very helpful, and if not, well at least you’re not out anymore than you would have been had they never offered.

Post # 7
Member
3569 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

Yes I think it’s wrong of your Dad to do that. If he insisted on paying for it, both you shoud have sat down and discussed what he thought a reasonable budget was. 2k is more then reasonable. I may be wrong but I thought I say another post that you wrote? Why don’t you use the money you saved.

Talk to Dad about the bind you are in, and if he doesn’t change his mind you can still use the money you orginally saved.

Post # 8
Member
12624 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I think you need to sit down and have an honest discussion with him about how you feel.  Tell him about the other expenses you have (something about a house, I guess?) and that you would really appreciate the help he promised. Did he give you a reason about why he’s offering less than he originally said?

Your wedding is in 2014 though, so you have a LOT of time to save, get a second job, etc to get the money yourself.  Keep saving, and don’t count on other money until it’s in your bank account at this point. 

Post # 11
Member
1513 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

i would be hurt by that too 🙁 could you ask your sister if he had a similar reaction when she first gave him her budget? maybe he just got stressed by seeing so many figures and you can talk him down?

hopefully thats the case because it really isnt fair that he said he would pay and isnt, nor that he forked over more for your sister. sadly, i’ve learned life is far from fair much of the time! doesnt make it less hurtful though! and i agree with mrskopp2be that its usually best to count on money from no one. i saw it happen at my bff’s wedding last year. her dad promised them 10k (the bulk of the wedding budget) but only gave them 2k. it definitely made things tough

Post # 13
Member
1513 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@FluffysMama:  dont stress!! getting married is a happy time – once the planning and budget are out of the way! i know that figure sounds unreachable, but i think you could totally do that in 2 years with second jobs and creative saving. we’ve already saved more than half that in 6 months and i promise you we are not rich by any means.

ETA: just saw you post with incomes… thats def tight. im sorry your dad threw such a wrench in your plans!

Post # 16
Member
386 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

One of my Aunts offer to help, even encouraged me to add some cousins to the list of invited guest and then backed out, adter the invitations went out.  

I am still livid.

Talk to your dad, and if anything cut back, I hope you haven’t sent out your invites as yet.

The topic ‘Is it wrong to feel hurt about this?’ is closed to new replies.

Get our weekly roundup of the best of Weddingbee.
I agree to receive emails from the site. I can withdraw my consent at any time by unsubscribing.

Find Amazing Vendors