(Closed) Is it wrong to get married one month before my fiancee's brother?

posted 5 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
1716 posts
Bumble bee

I’d do it. Especially if he said it was okay. 

Post # 4
Member
1813 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

@aharvey9:  Speak to his fiancee and gauge the response.  Explain the issues etc and ask her how she feels.  maybe BIL was a bit closed because he was wondering how the heck he was going to explain to his W2B…

Post # 5
Member
8116 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

@aharvey9:  Maybe he was uncomfortable with the fact that you guys felt they might have a problem with it?

Post # 6
Member
1902 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

A month is plenty of leeway between weddings, as far as I’m concerned. If he said it’s okay (regardless of body language) I think just do it – I have no patience for people that say something’s fine when it really isn’t. You’re not a mind-reader, so you’re just guessing that this bothers him, and he’s told you it doesn’t, so go ahead!

Post # 7
Member
1269 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Many will say that a couple only gets one day. The only family affected really are the groom’s families and friends, because they’ll have to attend two events.  I think a month a part is fine. 

Post # 8
Member
115 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

Since you’ve already lived together for a while (meaning there’s no drama about SO’s apartment lease running out, one partner moving from another city, being in a hurry to see each other all the time, etc.) just figure our what is most important to you. Sometimes, keeping the peace is worth more than getting what you want. And somtimes you just have to say, “Screw them. We’re doing it whenever it’s best for us!”

I think two months earlier is a little easier to swallow, but if it is going to cause family drama, you just have to decide if it’s worth it. And perhaps his brother was a little awkward because while he really wouldn’t care, perhaps he was thinking his fiance might get a little upset. I’d ask around & make sure if you’re really worried about it.

Post # 9
Member
3081 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

If you sense that there might be drama, while you don’t NEED to (because they have their one day), it might be a really nice thing to sit down or call both of them and get their genuine input and have them really ok it. 

I wouldn’t mind if it had been my wedding, but some people might care, and I think it might be worth taking the extra step. 

Post # 11
Member
1082 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

Ohh.. Tough! I know there have been lots of posts on weddingbee about brides being upset about a friend or family member planning their wedding close to theirs.. But I would do it.. You can’t put your life on hold!

 

Post # 12
Member
12621 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Is it a local wedding?  If a lot of people have to travel, I could see that being an issue.  If it’s local, I would just sit down with FBIL and his fiance and tell them your concerns, your wish to have a summer wedding, and see how they suggest handling it. 

Post # 13
Member
205 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

I wouldn’t care I would just have the wedding when I wanted. That’s my only child syndrome. I say go for it!

Post # 14
Hostess
7564 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: January 2013

I would wait. Couldn’t you have a fall wedding instead?

The rule tends to say the person who gets engaged first should get married first. Your FBIL may be ok with it, but his bride could be very upset. I’ve seen many posts on the Bee where brides are complaining about this exact situation. 

Post # 15
Member
332 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I would definitely sit down with your FBIL and his fiancée and talk it out.

I’m sure you guys can work things out.

Good luck !

Post # 16
Member
4047 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I’d definitely pick the earlier date if you could, just to put more time between the events.

It’s not a competetion, but family weddings are a lot of work, and the other couple will most likely be very busy for a few months leading up to the wedding, including weekend trips here and there, meeting with coordinators, showers, etc. So give yourself as muchtime as possible.

Is there anyway to have your wedding earlier, like May? Still summery but even more time?

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