(Closed) Is it wrong to get married the month after your sister?

posted 7 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
1205 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

Did you ask her how she would feel if you got married a couple months before her (say, June)?  Peanut and I are having a very long engagement, and both our siblings got engaged after we’d set our date.  They’ve both gotten married now, too, and we’re still chugging along.  I was worried when Future Sister-In-Law set her date for just shortly before mine–since I worried that her wedding would steal my thunder a bit (even though cerebrally I am 100% aware that each bride only gets one day)–but, as it turned out, everyone at her wedding was talking about how excited they were for my wedding and asking how the planning was going.

In short, I think she’s right–if you have your wedding just a month after hers, guests will definitely be talking about your wedding at hers.  At the end of the day, though, each bride gets ONE day, and you have to do what you have to do.  Maybe a long chat with your sis is in order so you can both express your feelings and preferences and come to a compromise?

Post # 4
Member
10288 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011

I know everyone will say you only get one day and while that’s true, I do think some exceptions should be made for immediate families. One of my best friends sisters got married about 3 weeks after her and while she put on a happy face and said it didn’t really bother her, I know it did. Two weddings so close together don’t only affect the couples but also the family. If you’ll have a lot of guests coming in from Out of Town, they may have to pick and choose which wedding they’ll attend. I imagine this would result in a lot of hurt feelings and some bitterness towards whichever sibling the family chooses over the other.

I’m an only child but if I had a sibling, I would not be very happy if they decided to get married a few weeks after me. That’s just me though. I know a lot of bees will say it’s fine and to go for it. I guess it comes down to you, your sister and your family and how they feel about the whole thing. As the second wedding, yours may be the one to suffer since your sister has already been engaged for a long time and I imagine everyone has already penciled in her date. 

Post # 5
Member
6824 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

Is it wrong no, as many people will tell you. A bride gets one day.  As the PP said though guests probably will talk about your wedding also. To keep the peace and probably sanity of your relationship someone should probably move their date. 

Post # 6
Member
1110 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I chose September for the same reason as you, I didn’t want to get married in the winter, and May-August is not and option for Fiance the farmer. You do have the right to pick your own wedding date… I can KIND OF see where she’s coming from, but I think it would be insane for all of the guests at one wedding to spend all of their time gushing about another wedding that’s in a month. I went to weddings this summer and people definitely asked me about my planning but I just made a point not to talk about it much… It’s unavoidable, people WILL ask you about yours, but they won’t be like crowded around you like paparazzi’s and ignoring your sister. Just talk with her about why you chose the month you chose. And promise her that you’ll keep any conversations about your wedding to a minimum, by saying something like “yeah planning is going well, but it’s really nice to take a break and get to focus on my sister’s wedding”.

She will have her day and you will have yours.

Post # 7
Member
3788 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

It’s not “wrong” (whatever that is supposed to mean), but I wouldn’t do it. Not because of stealing her spotlight or anything like that but because it is hard to deal with logistically. It’s a lot of money and time for your family and guests. As a PP mentioned, some may have to choose between your weddings, and as a warning to you, most people pick the one they get invited to first — not yours. The weeks leading up to a wedding are hectic on the people involved, and your family is going to be burning out! I feel like you’re cheating yourself. And while I think the spotlight isn’t such a big deal, it does seem to matter to your sister, so I would probably try to be more considerate of her feelings.

What’s more important, having a short engagement, fall wedding or being considerate of the family and guests who plan to support you? If you choose the former, good luck with it. If you choose the latter, the question then becomes which is more important, a short engagement or a fall wedding? Could you get married in November? That’s still a bit of breathing room between weddings but accommodates the fall aesthetic. Good luck.

Post # 8
Member
526 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I agree with Amaryllis- not only will one or both of you be sacrificing some wedding attention, that may be a lot to ask of some guests.  People who might want to give you both nice gifts may be financially unable, people who need to travel may not be able to make both trips, people may need to look for 2 new wedding-guest outfits, etc. etc.  Also, close friends and family who might help with things like DIY projects, addressing invitations and thank-you cards, and dress shopping will be burned out or unable to give up that much time.  

Post # 10
Member
1696 posts
Bumble bee

What ever happened to the archetype of sisters-and-best-friends; who shared everything growing up and rejoiced in one another’s marriages. Back in the fifties, if two sisters happened to find love and want to marry in the same season, their parents planned a double wedding for them, and the resulting party was the gala of the season! Every ladies’ magazine that ran an etiquette article on weddings, included several paragraphs on the special considerations for a double wedding, since those were such a well-anticipated special case.

The amazing thing to me is that those sisters back in the 1950’s and 1960’s really
did seem delighted to have each other’s companionship in this adventure
of a lifetime: often they stood as maid-of-honour to one another. Yet in only half a century the idea has become almost unthinkable. Yet, is it?

In my extended family, there are surprisingly few families with more than one daughter. My youngest two grand-nieces are under six, so they don’t count. The other two pairs I can actually imagine would seize on the idea with glee: both pairs adore each other and see the advantages for the extended family (who only have to travel once), care a great deal more about achieving the limelight in other domains (two rodeo competitors, one classical ballerina, one scientist-historian). But the proof of the pudding is in the baking, and none of them have yet had the amazing fortunate coincidence of meeting the man of their dreams and choosing to marry him at about the same time. And, I’ve had time to realize that my darling grand-nieces are not standard-issue for the twenty-first century.

Still, it gives you a strategy to try: bat your eyelashes at your sister with a loving sisterly smile and suggest a double wedding. I am sure that when she has supressed her gag reflex she will see that having your wedding a whole three weeks away is preferable. Which is unfortunate for the out-of-town guests, who are going to have to travel twice whether you agree on three weeks apart, or three years apart.

 

(@lavender rose: completely off topic, did you take your username from your china pattern? That’s Sophia’s pattern too, if so. Very pretty.)

Post # 11
Member
1110 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@aspasia475: I love this. What happened to being happy for each other??? Weddings are turning into competitions.

If her wedding is a destination wedding I don’t understand the problem… in fact your reception can kind of double as a chance to celebrate her wedding as well. My reception will be the first time people see my brother in a year, and in this past year he got married and had a baby… We’re excited to share our celebration with them and are announcing/congratulating them during the ceremony. Guests will always appreciate a gracious bride no matter what the situation over a “it’s MY day” bride.

I went to weddings every month this summer, so I don’t think making your weddings close together will affect the guests. It’s wedding season, they’ll have lots of weddings to go to whether it’s two sisters or not. It may work out well, family members can swap turns being the designated drivers for each other or picking up your gift from the store 😉

 

Post # 12
Member
7416 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@lavender rose: Well with all those details. screw it have your wedding. Its freaking Croatia… how in the hell would your in town weddding is going to steal the spot light from that? Please. She clearly has no problem with the financial hardship of her family to fly off to another counrty. So she can’t pull the its gonna be hard on the family card if your doing it local.

Post # 14
Member
6015 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2012

My brother’s wife, the older sister, got married two weeks after her younger sister.  No one cared.  I mean we all used to live in the same place so it wasn’t like travel considerations came into play.  I do know they spent about 40k on each wedding…

Post # 16
Member
162 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: March 2012 - Marie Gabrielle

Obviously, it’s your decision, but I’d put at least two months between your wedding and hers. It really is a lot to ask of people, because you and your sister will not only have major events right next to each other… But showers and Bach parties. The week before any wedding is exhausting, too (for the whole immediate family). Really for the sanity of all, you might be thankful for a little downtime in-between. You’ll be in Croatia the month before your own wedding, when you’ll be crazed with all the last-minute fires. More time in-between is for you, too!

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