(Closed) Is it wrong to get married the month after your sister?

posted 9 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 18
Member
2948 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

i dont see anything wrong with it. Its your and husbands day. Not hers.  its not going to matter that your anniversaries are a couples weeks apart is it? nah dont think so! LOL. Do what ya want!

Post # 19
Member
1046 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

Some brides crack me up.  She’s upset that people will be talking about your wedding at her wedding?  Maybe she should make a list of appropriate conversations in her program and security guards to kick people out if they speak of something unacceptable. 

I mean really, just because we are all obsessed with our own weddings doesn’t mean everyone around us is! My wedding is in April, and at a family wedding this June it was the only thing my table talked about.  What does it matter what the people at your wedding talk about? Does she really think everyone will be there like ‘omg lookat the bride, she just ate a pear, omg look, she scratched her nose!’  >< 

 

Post # 20
Member
1501 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

You have to do it when you want and when works best for you and your Fiance.

I would at least talk to your sister about it and let her know why you are choosing this date. I mean if she is going away for her wedding and not inviting anyone but immediate family then there won’t be double traveling.

I have a cousin, who is one of my BM’s, she got engaged a month after me and she already got married in July. A lot of family has to travel for both but we chose our dates for what we wanted and did not worry about anything else. It was fun to go to her wedding and hang out with my extended family, and yes there was talk about my wedding but if I didn’t go on about it the conversation would change. And she is looking forward to my wedding as she will be able to visit with family that she didn’t really get a chance to visit with at her wedding.

It is what you make of it. So talk to your sister and choose for it to be fun and have fun planning together.

Post # 21
Member
1692 posts
Bumble bee

View original reply
@murmur: Very much so!

People will talk about

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lavender rose‘s wedding at BigSister’s wedding regardless of timings. They’ll also talk about BigSister’s wedding at Lavender’s. They’ll talk about weddings from the last fifty years, and about upcoming weddings that may or may not happen for thirty years into the future.They’ll talk about the crop report at BigSister’s, and about harvest conditions at Lavender’s. They’ll talk about second-cousin’s Bar exam, and the new-baby-once-removed, and the house that somebody just bought, and their new shade of lipstick.

It really is a myth that the attention will all be on the bride, or that she can ever guarantee that nothing “takes away” from her thunder. Even if she hires all her guests from broadly scattered orphanages to ensure they don’t spend her wedding catching up with one another or sharing the details that come with actually having lives — they’ll probably focus on the money she’s paying more than on the bride herself 😉

Having guests implies having a community — and a community is full of people who have rich complicated lives that in turn enrich yours. But they don’t tend to be adoring automatons.

Post # 22
Member
869 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2011

My Brother-In-Law got married a month after my SIL and they are fine. Since she got engaged first she told him that she didn’t care when he got married as long as it was AFTER her and not in the same month. They asked her if the date they picked would work and she was fine with it. My wedding day was the day before my sisters birthday and, since it wasn’t an important birthday (24) she didn’t care. You should ask her how she feels about it because if it will ruin your relationship maybe you should wait a little longer. Since she was engaged first and has waited so long to have her wedding I think she should have her day first but a month later shouldn’t bother her too much.

Post # 23
Member
2095 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

View original reply
@lavender rose: I don’t know where you live as that will make all the difference in outdoor pics or not. But October can be a beautiful time for pictures. Then again I am partial since it is my birthday month..lol

Post # 24
Member
1036 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I agree with PP’s what happend to sisters being happy for each other.  My sister and I are best friends, she has been with her SO for almost as long as Fiance and I have been together.  If they decided to get hitched next week, two weeks before our planned wedding.  Not only would I help her, but I would be delighted for her.  I don’t understand this competition or worry at all.

Having said that, you just have to follow your heart, but also think of your family; including your sister.  Don’t do anything that will cause long term hurt, for anyone.

Post # 26
Member
553 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I would wait. I think it is unfair to schedule it so close to your sisters. Plus, it is a big financial burden on your family. You both will hae so much more time to enjoy each other’s weddings & activities if you space them out more.

Post # 27
Member
939 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I’m sorry, this might sound selfish, but I really don’t understanding putting off major life changing moments for other people.  I would never wait longer to get married just because my sister wanted/needed a longer engagment.  Whats next? When she finds out she’s pregnnant she’ll ask you to wait at least 3 years to have a baby so her and her child can have the spolight? I mean really.  Its ridiculous

I love what PP said about sisters being happy for each other.  My grandma had a double wedding with her sister and I love looking at the pictures.  I wish I had a sister getting married around the same time I am to share the day with.  

Also, being that these two weddings are completely different and your sisters is only immediate family, I don’t see the big deal at all.  Unless your family is paying for everything for both and they need time to save up .  Thats the only thing.  But if you want your wedding in sept 2012 and you’re paying for it, then do it!

Post # 29
Member
1684 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Your sister was was engaged first and set her date first (before you were even engaged) so she has a right to expect that you’ll arrange your wedding a reasonable distance from hers. (What constitutes a reasonable distance is open to interpretation, of course. And I don’t, personally, think a month in between is a huge problem if family and guests don’t have to travel.) If she’s planning a wedding in another country, I think a long engagement with plenty of notice to give people time to save up was considerate of her, and I understand that you may feel she blocked out a huge chunk of time, but what else could she do? You said your family doesn’t have money, so they’d need the time to save.

If your sister says she doesn’t care, then clearly she’s trying to put it aside. You should do the same. She told you how she felt, and you didn’t care. So now she’s trying not to care. But you still did something that hurt her, and it’s unreasonable of you to expect that she be super excited about this thing that you’re doing that hurt her and you didn’t care. And it hurts you that she’s not excited for you…

The whole thing isn’t until next year. Give it some time, and understand that you did hurt her too, no matter how unreasonable and selfish you might think her feelings are, and that both of you need to get over the “all about me” thing and your self-justifications and spend some time thinking about how it would feel to be in the other spot. And try to be kind to each other.

Post # 31
Member
1363 posts
Bumble bee

Regarding October and outdoor pictures, that’ll be a pretty solid no.

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