(Closed) Is it wrong to invite people to coctails after dinner?

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
1045 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2008

I think you should limit your invites to those you’re hosting for the entire thing.  If people try to invite themselves, just explain that you’re having a small, intimate family wedding, and can’t invite as many friends as you’d like.

Post # 4
Member
913 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

This girl I knew sent out a Facebook message/invite to everyone on her friends list saying….”Join us after the wedding recepetion for cocktails @…..”.  She gave the start time as 1/2 AFTER the wedding at a local bar/cocktail lounge. 

Personally, I thought it was kind of tacky since 75% of the people she messaged were NOT invited to the wedding.  I think it felt like, “Sorry you weren’t good enough to take part in our special moment BUT come party w/ us and buy us drinks after!!”.

Post # 5
Member
619 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2010

we invited friends to the reception after our seated luncheon was over..they totally understood why and were happy to be invited to anything that day! Because we couldnt invite everyone because of space issues, we told some friends to join us after our lunch was over for drinks and cake, they loved it!

people have to understand that you can’t invite everyone and if they want to be a part of your day, whatever that is, they’ll love the invite!

Post # 6
Member
14186 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

I’m not a fan of this. I, too, was involved in a sorority and many made comments like, “oh i can’t wait to come!” but i think they all realized after they didn’t receive an invitation that they weren’t invited.

Now, if you’re having a cocktail party, separate from the ceremony and reception…that is where the line blurs a little bit. But I think they should be in separate places. It’s just very awkward to invite people to a wedding shindig but not to the actual ceremony and reception.

Post # 7
Member
104 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

As a fellow sorority member, I feel your pain; a lot of people want to come. But really, you have to be honest and cut your list down to what you can afford. Even though people are inviting themselves (which is rude) you have to let them know you can’t accomodate everyone. Don’t invite people to a wedding related event if they aren’t invited to the wedding.

I would personally be less offended to not get invited to someone’s wedding than to be invited for something afterwards that I’ll be footing the bill for (I assume) to celebrate a wedding/rec. I wasn’t invited to (this would be even worse if I had to travel and get a hotel room just for cocktails with you after your wedding). I’d rather send a card. 

Post # 8
Member
619 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2010

if they don’t have to travel and if you’re picking up the tab for their drinks…that is what I meant when I said it was ok…ours was different because it was local for our handful of people that wanted to come to have a drink with us, we picked up those drinks on a tab and they didn’t have to get a hotel room…they loved stopping by the restaurant we had it at to say hi and to celebrate with us…

yes, if they had to travel, get rooms, pay for all that, then yes, inviting them to something after the actual thing might be weird Smile

Post # 9
Member
654 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

We’ve having a very small reception with pretty much family and a couple of friends only but we’re hoping to get our friends together for a after party that night. We’ve been honest in saying that we’re just doing a small reception because of money and space issues but we’d still love to celebrate with everyone on our special day. I personally wouldn’t invite them to the reception after dinner was served because it just highlights the fact that they missed out on certain parts but having a seperate after party or gathering seems like it would be fine.

Post # 10
Member
1078 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2009

I also had the same dilemma with my sorority sisters, and a lot of posters here have great advice. Just communicate with a few of them that your guest list is minimal, and while you’d like to invite everyone, it’s just not financially feasible.

Those that genuinely care about you will not take offense to it. I know I wouldn’t! And those that get bent out of shape over it, well they were probably just coming for the social aspects anyway.

Post # 11
Member
2030 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

It sound slike you are proposing having the dinner and coctails in the same room and inviting some people to show up after dinner. This would be so awkward for all your guests. Usually by the time dinner is over the decor is rumpled and no longer looks fresh. It will be painfully obvious to the later guests that they are second-rate. If I were ivited this way I would not attend. If however you are proposing a ceremony, reception, then a seperate cocktail event at a different location then I guess that would be ok. It’s better to cut your guest list then to make some guests feel second-rate.

Post # 13
Member
1465 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Yes that is rude. If you aren’t able to send them an invite to the ceremony and dinner, then cut them from the list. Only invite those nearest and dearest to you who care about you and your current relationship, not someone you haven’t spoken to since 6th grade.

Post # 15
Member
1465 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

If the venue only fits 230, then you only invite 230. Lots of people have 100% attendance and you don’t want to be stuck in that position where you are violating maximum capacity laws, in which case you can be fined.

If you are closer to the friends, then cut out the family you won’t miss and are not close to. Being related does not obligate anyone to an invite unless you are really that close to them that your day will be a disaster if they don’t attend.

 

Post # 16
Member
14186 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

No you are not bridezilla. In fact, the “venue is too small” excuse isn’t really an excuse–it’s REALITY.

You’re doing the right thing. I didn’t talk to a LOT of my sorority sisters like 6 months after I graduated. Very glad I didn’t “waste” a meal on them since we didn’t keep in touch.

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