(Closed) Is it wrong to NOT want help?

posted 5 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 2
5152 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2014

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onthefritz:  I am somewhat like this as well. I honestly did not ask many people for much help – really only a couple things (like putting invitations together) and a couple things right before the wedding. Honestly, I found that too many opinions annoyed me (some people liked some things, others hated it) and I learned to just do what I wanted. I would suggest telling people, “right now I have things under control, but I may need some help as we get closer”. Trust me. You’ll be HAPPY to have help in that week leading up to the wedding!

PS – I totally kind of planned my bachelorette as well. I chose where I wanted to go and found the condo we stayed in. In fact, I think my Maid/Matron of Honor was happy I did that (she’s busy and was fine with me assisting).

Post # 3
781 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

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onthefritz:  I get it, I am a DIY yourself kinda person as well. In highschool I would always do the group projects by myself because I never trusted anyone else to do as good of a job as me. LOL. Kinda the same with the wedding.

But, like you, I do get lots of offers for help, so I have been taking them up where it doesn’t bother me. Ie. Dress shopping, floral appointments, etc. For the DIY stuff, I have been designing them all by myself and I will likely only use their help for the put together part of the invites.

I would just try and include people when you can, but don’t feel guilty if you end up doing most of it by yourself. There is nothing wrong with that! And in my experience a lot of the time when people offer their help, they could really care less if they actually do help.

I had one bridesmaid come and help me put together my STD package and honestly she ended up watching TV and keeping me company while I put them all together myself lol. It worked out though, and I was thankful for her company.

Best of luck! Try not to get too stressed out over this. Weddings are stressful enough as it is! And cut your people a bit of slack, they aren’t trying to annoy you. They just care enough to want to be helpful to you, that is something to be thankful for! There are tons of brides who have no one to help them do anything. (Watch 90 day Fiance for reference lol) .

Post # 6
4697 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

I didn’t want help either. In fact, I’m not sure what exactly people need so much help with.

People asked what they could do and I usually said, “Nothing but, perhaps I may as the day gets closer. I’ll let you know. Thank you so much for your offer.”

ETA: Also, mentioning that everything is done and ready to go and that you have nothing outstanding at the moment may help too.

  • This reply was modified 5 years, 5 months ago by  KC-2722.
Post # 7
240 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2014 - Sedona Golf Resort

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onthefritz:  I did Everything myself! All I asked my DH to do was finalize the DJ. I am a control freak and really didn’t care about other people’s opinions, I just like doing things my way without conflict.  Was I stressed-just a bit, other than brining more people with me dress shopping-I did this alone too, I don’t know what I could have delegated. 

However I will say-do nothing yourself the big day. Give everyone assignments and just focus on being prepared, mentally, spiritually and emotionally for taking your vows and enjoying the moment. 

It’s ok to hold on to controlling things, just know when when to let go. Good luck!

Post # 8
1221 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

I can understand wanting to work on everything yourself. What’s so annoying about saying “No, thank you” when people ask to help? Short and to the point. 

Post # 9
2257 posts
Buzzing bee

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onthefritz:  Nah, I like doing things myself. It’s how I know things are going to get done right, or get done at all. You may just have to keep repeating yourself, and say “no, really, I got this.”

The Bach party/shower situation is definitely something you should leave to them. Planning your own just looks a little odd. It’s hard to let go, but it’s how it’s done.

Post # 10
1754 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

I am exactly the same way! I want to only be mad at myself if something goes wrong, so I’d rather do it myself. I also have friends/family that tend to do something, it’s not right, but they just go “oh it’s fine!” and move on. While I wish I had that attitude, I don’t, so I don’t mesh well when I want something done a certain way and others “seem” to not care as much. 

I agree with PP that saying everything is done or set or whatever is a good idea if possible – and bringing up that you’ll need help closer to the wedding. 

Post # 11
2690 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

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KC-2722:  this… everyone keeps asking me to help nut I’m thinking “with what!!????”

Post # 12
2330 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

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onthefritz:  I am exactly like you. I rather do things myself because I don’t want to be disappointed if someone messes up and does it different. My bridesmaids, SIL, Mom, they all always gave me a guilt trip because I’m not asking for their help on anything. What they don’t know is that I’m an only child, I’ve been independent my whole life and that’s just how I am. I rather put on a funny movie, get some Starbucks and start working on invitations or favors in front of the TV. That’s my way to relax, I absolutely LOVE doing that. But everyone took offense to it. 

You do what makes you comfortable. Don’t feel obligated to ask for help if you don’t need it. Besides, what a blessing for your bridesmaids!!! I have a cousin that’s getting married soon and she is treating her bridal party like minions.

Post # 13
7895 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

I am also very independent, and we’re having a simple wedding. My mom and other family have been nice to offer to help, but honestly, it has been all quite manageable for Fiance and me.

Post # 14
288 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2016

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onthefritz:  Seriously, you and I could be identical twins! Personally, I just want me and FH to plan our wedding. Don’t get me wrong, I know they mean well, and will do their best. But I already know I will not be satisfied and will only do it over. And yes, I to hate to repeat myself. However, I have taken them up on the offer when we were looking at invitations. They were an enormous help. I have already enlisted their help with the flowers, vases and linens.

Post # 15
7310 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast

Mr. LK and I did everything ourselves. I invited people (Mom, Maid/Matron of Honor and bridal party hotties) to fun things, like seeing the dress I decided on, getting a venue sneek peek and meting with the florist, dress fittings, hair/make-up trials, etc., but I didn’t need anyone there for help. It was more the social aspect of it all because I already knew exactly what I wanted and had a plan for every element.

I will tell you that life went to hell in a handbasket 9 days before my wedding without warning, and I was glad that I had a DOC who was fully up-to-date on the plan and every last detail of it. If I was the only person who knew it all, we would have been screwed. So no matter how much you want to control and do it all yourself, make sure that there is someone else who knows everything and can take over at a moment’s notice. You never know when you are going to have a non-wedding related disaster days before your wedding. Life doesn’t stop just because you are getting married.

Also, you may want to check your annoyance level, because people offering to help is most definitely not worth getting annoyed. And learn to let go of some things (like your bachelorette and shower). Other people are just as capable as you are. They may do things differently and on a schedule that doesn’t quite align with yours, but that is okay. It will turn out fine and will be a true reflection of their love for you if you can just let go of the reigns long enough for them to do their thing. You cannot control everything in life. Practice the art of letting go. It will free you in the end.

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