(Closed) Is it wrong to put in my own money towards my engagement ring?

posted 4 years ago in Rings
Post # 2
Member
2859 posts
Sugar bee

Personally, I wouldn’t,  but I’ve read on this site other women have.

Post # 3
Member
555 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2017 - Lake Louise Canada

Many couples split that bill, and often women who out-earn their boyfriends buy the ring entirely. Only you know whether he’s the kind of guy who would appreciate or be offended by that offer though.

Post # 5
Member
4020 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

Only you know how your bf will react to the option. Some guys at very stubborn about them being the one to provide an engagement ring for their future wife. Others will view it as “it’s about to be ‘our’ money anyway”. I personally don’t see a problem with it, but maybe carefully broach the subject with your bf and see how he feels about it. 

Post # 6
Member
1122 posts
Bumble bee

View original reply
livkb :  I personally think that it would be fine to offer to chip in on a larger stone if it’s going to cost more than he budgeted! Now if he gets upset after you mention this then is definitely drop it and make sure he knows that you will be happy with whatever size he can afford to buy for you.

Post # 7
Member
469 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

View original reply
livkb :  I offered, and he didn’t take me up on it. However, I’m buying my own band (as opposed to splitting the cost) because I want something more expensive. 

Post # 8
Member
3860 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2017 - City, State

There is nothing wrong with discussing it. I wouldn’t have a problem with it personally and may do it if I decide to go ahead and get an engagement ring (he already purchased my band).

Post # 9
Member
7892 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

Some people do it that way. I would talk to him about what each of you is envisioning in the engagement ring. 

Post # 10
Member
3593 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

We paid for my ring together. I just felt like it was the right thing to do, especially since we already lived together and shared a bank account. I don’t think either of us even considered that he would buy it alone; it just seemed natural in our situation.

Post # 11
Member
36 posts
Newbee

I paid for half (maybe more) of my engagement ring, and I paid for my own wedding band! It’s not for everyone, but I certainly didn’t mind…it was actually my idea. We made the decision to get married together so, in my mind, we should purchase the ring together. We put money down on the ring, and then we both went when we could and made payments on the ring.

My logic was that I loved my fiance too much to let him go into debt over a piece of jewelry that I was going to wear everyday.  He couldn’t afford to buy it himself, and I didn’t think twice about buying it with him. It was only after we told people we bought it together that I started questioning if it was that weird. Obviously, I didn’t think it was too weird though because this past weekend I purchased my own wedding band (and he’ll be purchasing his own).

Everyone will have a different opinion, but the only thing that matters is whether or not you’re comfortable with paying for some of the ring. I don’t think it’s wrong at all. 🙂

Post # 12
Member
274 posts
Helper bee

Only you know if he’d be ok with it. Talk to him about it. If he’s super traditional it might bother him, but if you can explain it in a way that doesn’t make him feel like you don’t think he can afford a ring you’ll love, he’d probably be ok with it. You’re planning on getting married, are you pooling finances eventually anyway? 

 

I do love my “smallish” ring because it’s just from him, but size didn’t really matter to me. If it did matter to me though I wouldn’t hesitate to communicate my wishes with my partner. 

Post # 13
Member
378 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

We own a house together, so all of our bank accounts are shared. The ring came out of out joint account. I firmly believe that the tradition of a man solely buying the ring is outdated. 

It is 2017, and it’s no longer “your” money or “his” money, it’s both of your money now.

Post # 14
Member
161 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2018

Thank you for posting this!!!! I have the same situation and have thought about this alot, so stick with me, I have alot of points….

1. You need to be happy with something you are going to be wearing for the rest of your life because no matter what people tell you about trading in or up, if you do, you are going to loose ALOT of money!!!! Sadly diamonds do not maintain their value. So make sure you are getting what you want.

2. Intrest alone could be the diffrence between your dream ring, dont believe me, add it up. So think about saving up first before you buy and put that extra money towards your rock!

3. Do not buy from a jewlery store!!!!! Buy from James Allen, enchanted diamonds, blue nile or a pawn shop, they are half the price of a retail store.

4. Diamonds are a bad investment, it doesn’t mean you shouldn’t get one, but that is a fact you should know before you put money into one. They cost a bunch of money, and you can not get that amount back, also you usally have to buy a lower quality then you’d like to have. So consider diamond alternatives like Forever one Moissanite or Amora gem Ultra and the left over money you could put in a bond, toward a house, on the wedding, vacation, car, etc. I am still struggling with that choice myself, because I want to make a smart decision and also have an amazing stone but social pressure to get a diamond is a Be-och!

5. Finally, if you want add money to buy a nicer stone I think he should not have a problem with it, because obviously it is important to you or you wouldn’t have posted, its okay to spurlge on something you will be wearing everyday for years. He especially should be fine if he is paying for most of the ring. Just be sure that you make it clear you’d be happy with what he can get but this is something you really want and explain the giant downside to trying to trade up later, so it is smarter for you to buy the size you want now.

Goodluck I hope something helped!!! I myself never thought picking a ring would be so hard or expensive, and I blame the movies where middle class people buy giant diamonds of perfection!!!

Post # 15
Member
315 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

Knowing my Fiance, he wouldn’t have liked that idea at all. But that’s just him! If your Fiance is comfortable with it and so are you, why not! I would just make sure you get your boyfriends true opinion because he might feel hurt or think he can’t afford to give you the ring you want.

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