Is it wrong to put in my own money towards my engagement ring?

posted 3 years ago in Rings
Post # 31
Member
1336 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2016 - Painswick Church and the Falcon Hotel

If he won’t be offended then I don’t see a problem with doing that however I would rather have a surprise and let him pick it completely

Post # 32
Member
665 posts
Busy bee

livkb :  I hear ya! That is what I want to do but am not sure. Can you offer to pay for something that you planned on splitting so he can but the savings toward the ring. As in you pay for the honeymoon and he puts the savings toward the ring? I might try to work that angle. Completely understand about not being a small diamond woman although it sounds so princess of us. I see a lot of smaller ones where my friends look awesome but I would rather wear a band than anything under 2cts. I am sorry if I sound like a princess but everyone likes what they like. If my bf couldnt afford anything I would still love him as much and ask for a plain band. 

Post # 33
Member
240 posts
Helper bee

My humble opinion: the man has the obligation to get his wife-to-be a respectable, modest engagement ring. If the woman has expensive/lavish taste beyond that, it’s reasonable for her to offer to pony up the difference, particularly if she makes more than he does.

This could also be a great opportunity to discuss financial expectations and how lavish a lifestyle you both want. Often these things are not just about the rings.

Post # 34
Member
5558 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2017

We couldn’t afford much, I found one that I loved on diamond nexus. Our finances are combined and even though it was inexpensive, we still do a monthly payment.

I tried to make the payments from his bank account at first (I guess it’s a joint account now because we added me to it while I was pregnant), but I pay all the bills except the phone bill from my account so I eventually gave up and pay from my bank account lol.

He has a teenaged daughter who lives with us and we have a 17 month old daughter in daycare which costs more than my mortgage 

If our relationship took a more traditional path, I would probably have been hesitant to pay for my own ring, but everything is combined so I really don’t think twice about it

Post # 35
Member
741 posts
Busy bee

I don’t think it’s wrong at all.  The people who say it is often have the view that it’s supposed to represent the husbands love and commitment, but in that scenario why does the future wife not have to show and commitment? I view the ring as a symbol of our love and our joint effort in building a future together.  We mutually decided to get engaged so for him to go buy a ring to give to me felt wrong. Plus we don’t have total joint finances, however we have joint savings for a house so anything he spent on a ring would mean he would contribute less to that, so in a way it would still be split, but it was important to me that it was split upon purchase and something we picked and bought together.

Post # 36
Member
751 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

If you want a bigger solitaire there is nothing wrong with having a convo about paying towards the ring especially since you will be wearing it everyday. You work you make money then help pay for it..2017 people.

Post # 37
Member
2341 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

livkb :  I would have been happy to and can’t see the problem. Better to contribute to get a ring you love than pressure your poor bf/fiancé to spend more than he can either afford or wants to spend. 

If he is super-keen to do it all himself I’d probably respect that, but to be honest, I find it a bit odd in this day and age. 

I sort of see the ring as a separate decision to getting married, you can be engaged without a ring, many women don’t give two hoots about engagement rings beyond following tradition and having the visible symbol of being engaged (in the UK at least),  but if a woman is either into jewellery, or isn’t but wants to wear her engagement ring daily for sentimental reasons and therefore is keen to get something she really likes, then I don’t see why it’s greedy to contribute finances if her tastes lean towards options that are a bit too expensive for her bf to cover or she wouldn’t want him to cover.

 

 

 

Post # 38
Member
488 posts
Helper bee

If you are going to get married its both your money anyway. So why not get something you really like. 

I offered to pay for either half of mine, or the whole thing, but my Fiance said no way and acted offended. But… then he said that since he bought the ring, I should buy both our wedding bands, and cover a few other costs for the wedding (we are otherwise splitting it 50/50). Which I am fine with doing, but its the same as if I just split it to begin with, so why the fuss.

Maybe your Fiance would be happier with some arrangment like this, where he technically pays but isn’t out any extra cash in the end. A little silly but so are a lot of wedding traditions I suppose. 

Post # 39
Member
16 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: May 2017

My fiance and I split my ring.  I paid about 1/3 of it.  I didn’t want him to spend that much on his own

Post # 40
Member
207 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2018

i am more traditional, so i personally wouldnt. but i don’t think that it’s wrong or frowned upon if it’s somethhing that you really want and are willing to do. Do what makes you happy, bee!

Post # 41
Member
3092 posts
Sugar bee

There is no right or wrong…it’s about what you and your boyfriend are comfortable with.

Personally, I would never do it.  It would devalue the experience for me (but obviously that’s in my case).

Post # 42
Member
924 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

I paid for my engagement ring entirely, and my Fiance is paying me back ($100/month). I make about 3x what he does so I had the cash available. Neither of us saw the sense in waiting ages for him to save the cash or running up credit card debt so he could buy it without my help. 

Post # 43
Member
2019 posts
Buzzing bee

I wouldn’t. I’m more traditional- I think it is a gift the man gives the woman when he proposes (or whoever proposes buys the ring). In my opinion, the fact that my husband saved up and picked my ring is more special to me than had I kicked in a few extra $$ to upgrade the size or whatever. In my opinion, it’s not a gift you buy yourself. It’s a gift that is given to you as a part of the proposal. Not a ‘well I know we want to get married, and I make more, so i’ll buy the ring I like (or chip in enough money that you can get me the ring I want’. 

Again, just my opinion. I love looking at my ring (even though it is not exactly what I would have picked for myself) and knowing my husband saved up for it and picked it himself. It’s far more special to me that way, and I never look at it and think I wish I picked it myself or chipped in more money so I could have had something different. 

Post # 44
Member
4232 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2015 - Hotel Ballroom

I don’t know if this 100% relates to your situation, but I thought I’d share:

Darling Husband paid for my engagement ring. When it came time to go and get our wedding bands, I ‘got stuck’ with the bill. The issue was we left getting them until a little too close to the wedding, we HAD to get them that weekend in order to have them in time for the wedding, and I had the money and Darling Husband didn’t. It was genuinely an oversite on both our behalfs and poor planning….but the fact of the matter is when we came to the cash register and DH’s card bounced, he looked at me expectantly….and never ONCE offered to pay me back (even in part). I even talked to him about it afterwords, and lets just say he wasn’t willing.

To be honest it has always bothered me a little bit that I paid for my own wedding band. I KNOW that may make me sound like a terrible person, but that’s the truth. 

Don’t put yourself in that position unless you are 1000% sure you’ll be ok with it down the line.

Post # 45
Member
205 posts
Helper bee

I paid for half of my ring. Fiance is still finishing grad school and has taken the brunt of the cost of us being long-distance, since he has a car and I live in the more-fun location to visit. I make twice as much as him until he graduates in a few months. It just didn’t make sense for either of us to ignore those facts.

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