(Closed) Is it wrong to put in my own money towards my engagement ring?

posted 4 years ago in Rings
Post # 46
Member
630 posts
Busy bee

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livkb :  I didn’t because I was happy with whatever, but I also don’t see a problem with it. However, I wouldnt word it as you did in your post. I would say something along the lines of you know the ring is expensive and you dont see why he should have to pay for the entire thing, but you both split the cost of both your rings… rather than word it that he cannot afford what you really want 

Post # 47
Member
367 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

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livkb :  It depends on your Fiance. My Fiance would have been a little hurt if I had offered to pay for part of it. What I did do, however, was pay for the resizing it needed. Maybe you could pay for any upgrades later down the line but leave the initial ring buying to your Fiance. 

Post # 48
Member
2610 posts
Sugar bee

Of course you can chip in! I think it depends on the dynamic of the relationship. The traditional/old fashioned dynamic where the man is the sole or main provider would assume that this meant that he was failing to provide his role. However, that is definitely not the case for many couples these days. Many marriages are more like partnerships now though how each person contributes varies. I actually make more money than my Fi while he does the cooking (former chef) and is handier around the house/generally a more useful human than me (apart from my earning power) haha. I’ll probably be chipping in for the wedding band and would have been fine with helping with the engagement ring, but I wanted something quite small so he got it himself. 

If you and your Fi are partners and you want something that you know that you’ll be happy wearing the rest of your life then definitely go for it. You will feel better about the purchase because you won’t feel like you’ve put him out too much and you’ll still be happy with the ring/have no future regrets. 

Post # 49
Member
4250 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: February 2009

I didn’t but I would have.  I took what he gave me, but then I wanted larger, so we upgraded…  Which was then “our” money anyway, so pay now or pay later.  

Post # 50
Member
108 posts
Blushing bee

This is the first of many money talks you two will have as a couple. IMO, it’s fine to bring it up and hash it out. I don’t believe there is a hard and fast rule that the man has to pay for the ring alone. And it’s not anyone’s business whether or not the ring was purchased jointly. You two decide, and compromise.

Post # 51
Member
283 posts
Helper bee

We just decided that it was time to get married, and there was no proposal. I still wanted an engagement ring so we got an heirloom diamond from my mom (I know this can be controversial too!) and are working together with a jeweler to create a setting. The cost of the ring is getting rolled up into all of our other wedding costs, which are being paid out of joint savings so I am technically helping to buy my ring. I don’t mind at all, but a couple of friends I’ve mentioned it to have definitely seemed surprised. 

Also, in case it wasn’t clear, our finances are already partially combined and will likely be fully combined before or soon after our wedding. Since it will all be “our” money in the near future, it reall doesnt matter to me who is paying now.

Post # 52
Member
924 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2016

 

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livkb :  I’m old fashioned I feel like that’s one thing he should purchase on his own.  You have you’re entire lives to split bills and other things along the way… 

Post # 53
Member
11 posts
Newbee

ii also wouldn’t. it’s kind of crazy thing for me

Post # 54
Member
568 posts
Busy bee

Depends on how you think BF will take that idea. some guys might be offended or stubborn, while others would be cool with it. I’m pretty sure I ended up paying for my Ering LOL I’m the “saver” for our accounts and we had just merged our accounts when we got engaged  and was told I needed to “transfer” funds. Bonus time is in March and that’s when I’ll that account is going to get reimbursed LOL

honestly IDC. At this point our funds are meshed. Hopefully he’ll see things as you should have something you love and will wear every day of your life, and you’re also not trying to burden him with the financial burden of it.

 

Post # 55
Member
992 posts
Busy bee

I would not.  It’s a bit of an insult to the gift giver, but that’s the opinion of one woman.

Post # 56
Member
40 posts
Newbee

I like the idea that the ring is something special and a gift from your future husband….BUT, if it is between being unhappy with the size and adding some money in to get a larger stone then I don’t see the problem with that. I would rather do that then be unsatisfied in the future and want an upgrade quickly.

Post # 57
Member
5 posts
Newbee

Even though my fiancé paid for my Engagement Ring and I personally wouldn’t have chipped in, I don’t see anything wrong with you helping him get what YOU will be wearing for the rest of YOUR life. Of course it would take some discussing so he doesn’t get offended. Whatever happens good luck!!

Post # 58
Member
79 posts
Worker bee

My man says if he has to buy me a ring I have to buy him a Rolex.  Soooooo I bought him an engagment Omega 🙂

Post # 59
Member
7 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: November 2016

It’s interesting to know your opinions, in our culture (an Asian country) we don’t have engagement ring and even I did let him know that I wanted a… Tiffany, he didn’t get me one, he just bought the wedding band and now I’m planning to get a diamond solitaire by myself. He is investing in buying a house so doesn’t have much money now.

It’s a little bit upsetting but we can’t always have what we want 🙂  

Post # 60
Member
1 posts
Wannabee

My opinion might be a bit out there so I just want to apologise in advance and let everyone know I respect there right to make their own decisions and form their beliefs, but in my personal opinion, the minute you put money towards that ring it no longer becomes an engagement ring.

I swear I’m not some 50’a housewife. But I do believe it is definitely up to the guy to pay for the ring. The girl puts up with what she gets. If she is that fussy about the size then she must accept it isn’t an engagement ring if she has to contribute to it. 

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