(Closed) Is it wrong to send an STD but not an invite to a person? (advice needed)

posted 7 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
1843 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I just replied to your other thread.  Did you have a falling out of any sort with the couple?  Could it be an oversight?

We mailed our invites 3 weeks ago and FI’s mother just received her’s 2 days ago (and she lives in the same town as where they were mailed from).  Maybe your invite got lost?

Post # 4
Member
1090 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

rude. Def. But- I guess it happens more often, because I see girls post on here sometimes that they have to cut the guest list. This is the sole reason we did not send save the dates (along with saving money and trees)…we just finalized our guest list as we were mailing out our invites.

Post # 5
Member
7311 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast

The rule is that a STD= you are on the guest list and will be invited. Maybe your invite got lost in the mail?

Post # 6
Member
4803 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Very rude, I can’t believe she has the nerve to post on FB about RSVPs, especially when she didn’t invite everyone who got a STD! I would totally comment on it next time she says something.

Post # 8
Member
907 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

@siimplycraziie: I would call her or email and say, hey, I noticed you’ve been asking for RSVPs, and I blocked off your wedding day on my calendar after receiving the STD, but I haven’t received an invite. I just wanted to let you know in case it got lost in the mail or something, I didn’t want you to think I was being irresponsible by not responding!

Give her the benefit of the doubt that it was either overlooked or lost in the mail. I got a couple returned Save-The-Date Cards almost a month after I sent them! I would feel awful if that happened with an invitation.

Post # 9
Member
95 posts
Worker bee

Could have just been a gift grab or her changing her mind.  Yes, it’s definitely rude, but there’s not much worth doing in this case.

Post # 10
Member
2657 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Theres no harm in asking her.Since u arent that close anyway I dont think it would make that much of a difference in the relationship.If it was misplaced then she will be happy that u asked. And if she did end up not sending one at least u will know and now will not have to worry about giving a gift, etc.

Hope it works out.Let us know how it turns out.

Post # 11
Member
1046 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

I think if someone takes the plunge to send the STD’s you are basically constricted to invite those people when the time comes.  If something unthinkable happens and you have to uninvite someone you really should call and explain…versus just leave them in the dark wondering what they did wrong >.<

Post # 12
Member
3148 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

The reason for a Save the Date is so you can “save it” to come to the wedding!  So yes, it is very rude (and odd?!). Perhaps something happened to the invite?!  I would probably ask her, because it’s just weird.

Post # 12
Member
18 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I would just ask her – it is very likely that it could have gotten lost in the mail or she thought she already sent it. My fiancé’s mom received a STD for a wedding and didn’t get her invitation until 3 weeks prior to the wedding.  

I wouldn’t take it personally because it could have been overlooked.  There were some STD that I sent out and people called and said they never got it, and I never got it returned back to me! 

Post # 13
Member
271 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

ASK!

 

I had my guest list saved in an excel spread sheet on a flash drive.  I broke the flash drive and lost everything.  I had to start my list all over AFTER I had already sent out STD’s.  I hope with all my heart I didnt forget anyone!

Post # 14
Member
5110 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 2011

I agree that this is rude. But there is the chance that something happned to it.

Post # 14
Member
4887 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

It sounds like you’re not that close – do you even really want to go?

I’m a huge supporter of not sending an invite after Save-The-Date Cards if something happened that affected the relationship, but in cases where it’s just simply wanting to cut down the guest list or not having the budget, that’s SUPER lame.

I also think it’s totally rude that she’s blasting FB with this kind of stuff.  That certainly isn’t the proper venue.

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