(Closed) Is kissing someone when you’re in a relationship, when you’re drunk, cheating?

posted 9 years ago in Waiting
Post # 138
Member
747 posts
Busy bee

Yes it is. You should know it without asking. If you can live with the guilt, don’t tell him. It’s better for your relationship. It’s a pain and guilt you have to live with, but hey you made the mistake, so I’d say rather than ruining his view on you you should just keep it in and zip it for ever.

Unless there’s any way he might ever find out – then tell him and pray pray pray he will forgive you.

I used to be prone to such “accidents”, and stopped drinking around friends I found attractive or just going out to drink with friends without him at all. I’ll have a beer, and that’s all. You gotta know your limit and respect your man. I’m sorry you felt the need for affection, but that’s no way to fulfill it.

Post # 139
Member
367 posts
Helper bee

I’m also not sure if you need to tell him. You’re not engaged or married to him, and you didn’t sleep with anyone. It was wrong, but you know that, and you feel horrible already, which I think is punishment enough. Telling him would make you feel better, but it would hurt him a LOT more. He’s not the one who made the mistake, so I don’t think he deserves that pain. If you can keep it a secret (from everyone, including friends), then I don’t think that’s wrong.

Two friends of mine went through something like this. The kisser confessed, and the other person was heartbroken. They broke up and now they barely speak. We all counseled her to tell the truth, but now I don’t think that was a good idea, because it caused so much pain.

I suggest talking to someone in real life – like a therapist or counselor, if you have access to one. I think they could make you feel a lot better about your decision. They also would help you figure out whether this is a one-time mistake, or a sign of bigger problems in your relationship.

Post # 140
Member
213 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

I’m sorry to say this, but I think that’s cheating and that you have to tell him…

Post # 141
Member
25 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2014

you need to tell him. i read your other posts. He’s off fighting in a WAR and you’re kissing guys… that’s cheating. If he stays if the military for a career, what’s going to prevent you from getting “lonely and needing attention” every deployment???

 

Post # 142
Member
1713 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2016

In my eyes, yes. It is cheating, hands down. 

Post # 144
Member
995 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

View original reply
@vegempanada:  so it’s not cheating as long as you’re not engaged or married? Umm  it’s not ok unless they have some sort of an open relationship or agreement about this…otherwise it’s just cowardly to not tell him by assuring yourself that it’s not REALLY cheating if no one had an orgasm

Post # 145
Member
72 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Yes you’re a cheater and im going to be one of the few that says yes you’re a horrible person. Imagine if you went away for 6 months and your boyfriend left a comment in a forum saying the same thing!!? You clearly do not need to be in a relationship nor do you deserve a decent unknowing guys affection. Sorry.

Post # 146
Member
595 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2015

Cheating = anything you wouldn’t do in front of the other person, or anything you wouldn’t gladly (worry free) tell them about.

Post # 147
Member
296 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

To answer the initial question in the title: yes. Cheating is cheating, no excuses. sorry 🙁

Post # 148
Member
662 posts
Busy bee

I would consider the “getting drunk with a guy you have a crush on and he has a crush on you” part cheating.  You didn’t even have to kiss him to cross the line with him. 

I think that if you do not tell your boyfriend you should at least re evaluate what situations you get yourself into.  I know I wouldn’t want to date someone who thought drunken make out sessions with other girls was okay. 

 

Good luck though! 

Post # 149
Member
1 posts
Wannabee

I want to tell people that I didnt have a crush on anybody but i was pretty drunk, and I was on a dance floor and I ended up kissing a girl.  My friend and his wife found out because they saw me do it, and the wife told my girlfriend like a year and some months later.  I’m here to tell you that I dont think it was cheating, no I honestly dont.  The reason, well cheating to me is full blown sex.  I was with this girl for years and did I feel bad about the situation?  Yes I did, but look if you cant go out and have some fun once in awhile, then why live?  To me it was fun, and I honestly could say that I totally loved this girl, and it wasnt anything important what I did.  If I would have taken this other girl home and banged her, I could expect some reprocussions, I could risk my relationship.  But to me, this was just a fun time and I didnt expect anything of it, or to even see this other girl again.  To me people need to lighten up and let people live a little bit.  Yes you need to tell your partner, if they find out from someone else that is, and I said to her that I didnt even remember what had happened.  I dont know how she really took it in the end because she ended up finding someone and had sex with him.  And guess what?  I took her back for that, but she recently found someone else and had the guy sleep in her bed with him while we were going out, so tell me isnt that worse then a drunken kiss??  Sex to me is a whole different story, thats castostrofic.   If you can learn from your mistake and it all depends on how commited you are in this situation, then the other person will work it out with you and realize that it was a dumb mistake and trust you. 

Post # 150
Member
14 posts
Newbee

Oh my, i’ve been asking myself the same question for a while.. I have a boyfriend for 4 years now but we’ve been away from each other for almost a year since i moved here in LA. And we’re not having enough communication because he’s busy at work and all. So I have this guy friend who I’m usually with, and we talked about us being attracted to each other, and he’s a nice guy actually he told me we should just be friends because he knows I have a boyfriend but, he’s actions are still questionable. He’s so sweet to me and he’s visiting me everyday at our house. My mom is actually starting to notice that there is something goin on between us. So.. last night I was drunk, but he isn’t. And I admit, I was really drunk and next thing I know we were kissing in his car!! And then I remembered I cried I told him I don’t want to be a bad girlfriend and all, and he hugged me, kissed me in my forehead and said this is not gonna happen again. Anyway! I’m really feeling guilty now, and i don’t like this feeling.. *sigh I really love my boyfriend but I miss the love and attention and now i’m getting this from my guy friend.. I don’t want to lose him as a friend, so what should I do?

Post # 151
Member
1577 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013 - Country Club

Cheating is cheating is cheating. Drunk or sober.

Post # 152
Member
423 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I’d tell your boyfriend.  If you don’t, it makes it looks like a bigger deal than you thought it was.

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