(Closed) Is kissing someone when you’re in a relationship, when you’re drunk, cheating?

posted 9 years ago in Waiting
Post # 32
Member
2491 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

My Fiance and I believe that cheating is doing something with another person that your SO would be upset about. Seeing my Fiance kiss another girl would EASILY fall into that category.

There is nothing you can do except move on and bury it deep down inside, knowing you will cut off contact with this person and never cheat again, or, to make yourself feel better, tell your SO what you did and take a chance he will leave.

That being said, when I was in university I kissed a guy I had a crush on after my BF at the time ignored me for a month (that’s another story in itself). Anyways, I hid it for about a month and it drove me insane. I was crying for no reason, seeing him made me feel sick, it was bad. I ended up telling him what I did and we broke up for a few days, then he decided it was just a kiss and we got back together. (I later learned he took me back because he was sleeping with his ex gf, but as I said, another story).

Good luck.

Post # 33
Member
550 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Sorry, yes!

Post # 35
Member
18 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: November 2013

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@Peachcream:  

Its like your boyfriend coming home to you and saying, today I looked at some girls ass and started fantasising about how I wanted to do her…please forgive me… it wouldnt be an issue if he didnt tell you about it…”

 

ahaha !! Thank god men are not that stupid.   I’d have to beat my Fiance before we are even married !  :p      hmm … Before any one calls the cops , I’m joking .. I don’t condone violence.  

Post # 36
Member
444 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

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@Peachcream:  Why’d you bother to ask if you had made your mind up?  You can of course do as you wish but don’t disguise it as doing him a favor by not telling him.  Honesty is the cornerstone of any relationship and especially of marriage.  I read an article the other day about an 80 year old couple who have been married for over 50 years, recently he found out that she cheated on him in her 20s while they were together and never felt like telling him.  He felt as though he had been lied to every day for his whole life, because she kept such a big thing that involved him a secret.  If she had kept that secret for so long, without telling him, what else was she hiding, did he even know her anymore?  So he divorced her.

Its having very little respect for him to assume he will never find out on his own.  It’s having no respect for him by doing it in the first place, but what’s done is done.  How you own up to a mistake does matter.  It’s not doing him any sort of favor, it’s making your mind up to not be completely honest with him. Don’t sugarcoat it or justify it, I’m not saying you have to tell him but own up to what you are doing and don’t pretend it’s for a good reason.

Post # 37
Member
720 posts
Busy bee

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@Peachcream:  Actually, no, it’s not like that at all.  “I had thoughts about a girl but didn’t act on it” is very different from “I thought to kiss a guy and then I acted on it.”  You’re going to do what you want to do, but you better pray he doesn’t find out from someone else.  You’re much better off telling him yourself than rolling the dice like that (no matter how much your friend promises not to tell, these things have a way of getting out).

 I’m also a little more concerned with the “I have a crush on him” part than the “we kissed” part.  I haven’t been able to even look at another guy like that since my SO (EDIT: in full disclosure, I do ogle my hairstylist every two months when I get my hair cut, who is absolutely gorg.  Then again, his boyfriend thinks so too, so I’m pretty sure that’s safe :P.)  You’ve got some stuff to think about.  

Post # 38
Member
395 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

I just wanted to jump in and say there is NOTHING WRONG with crushing on other people when you are in a relationship!! This is totally normal, and people who say otherwise are most likely repressed, lying, or just never around other attractive people.

It is harmful craziness to think you should never have crushes on other men when you’re in love with your BF/husband.

I am crazy in love with my husband, but I still check out other guys. I didn’t become a eunuch just because I committed myself to one person! There was one hot guy at work I even flirted with, because this is what humans do. It is normal. 

Difference is, when I have a crush I tell my husband about it. We laugh about it and he even encourages it (and I point out sexy ladies to him, too), because this is normal and healthy. We are secure enough to acknowledge it. OP, you don’t have to tell your bf about this one incident, you aren’t a bad person for keeping it to yourself. But you might want to use the experience to open communications with your man in the future, when you have other crushes.

Post # 39
Member
444 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

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@Jade33:  Or, you know, unless your super loyal and stop seeing even attractive people as BEING attractive since you only have eyes for your SO :3  Not saying everyone has to be like that, but, not everyone is repressed, lying or never around attractive people either lol

Post # 40
Member
9873 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2019

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@Peachcream:  if you didn’t want to know whether we thought it was cheating, why did you ask?

but if you don’t think of it as cheating, then why not tell your SO? because you don’t want to ‘hurt’ him. well you already have because you broke faith with him, you kissed another guy, now if both of you are ok with that, that’s great. but breaking his trust and pretending it never happened is not good for any relationship, it will eventually come out.

and these things do get out, your friend will probably have the secret eating away at him/her and they will either tell your SO themselves, or tell someone at least, and it will eventually get back to your SO, i think there is more chance of him forgiving you and you guys working through it if you tell him yourself.

Post # 41
Member
18 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: November 2013

This post was “Snarky”  so  I had to edit.   sorry ladies.

Post # 42
Member
2649 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

” i’m not going to f8ck up my relationship and break my boyfriends heart because I did ” –

too late,  if you really  honestly  truelt felt like this then you would not feel the need to justify yourself to stangers on the internet.

You asked for our opinions and we gave them. Yes, having feelings for another person is “emotionally cheating”, Kissing someone that is A. not related to you or B. not your SO. is also cheating.

In an age where men go to strippers and probably screw other chics on their bucks nights,-  also cheating, and i would not be with an individual that did so. They will find out, they allways do. I found out 3 years after the fact that the guy I left the LDR for… cheated on me.  it ALLWAYS comes out. 

of flagging an issue which was never an issue – and never will be.

again, you posted this “ISSUE” for our advice so apparently it is, and  it will be, unless you intend on cutting all male friends out of your life when you drink.

whats it going to do for him??

it’s gonna hurt him. Damn skippy is it gonna hurt him, but it would show him that you respect him enough  to come clean and make his own desision of whather or not he wants to trust you and continue a realtionship with you.

 

ts like your boyfriend coming home to you and saying, today I looked at some girls ass and started fantasising about how I wanted to do her…please forgive me… it wouldnt be an issue if he didnt tell you about it.

Kinda really not the same thing.  If he acted on it, YES, it is cheating.  Random girl on the street,  same thing as porn.  Someone he knew personally, I would ask he not see her any more, because while it is not exactly crossing a line it is close enough to be uncomfortable

 

Edit: YOU CHEATED ON YOUR S.O – YOU ARE EVIL — please –

No one said this…..

Post # 43
Member
9873 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2019

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@Steampunk Angel:  i agree, i know it may be strange to many, but i honestly can’t find other men aside from my Fiance attractive at all! i just don’t feel it, and he is the same with other women

Post # 44
Member
395 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

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@Steampunk Angel:  Ha yes, ok maybe you’re right, this might happen for some people, but I think that expectation is really unrealistic and unnatural. Women put all kinds of pressure on themselves/others about this, and it’s just so unnecessary. The implication is that there must be something wrong with your relationship (or you’re not really in love) if you check out other people, and I think that is so wrong! Humans are supposed to be attracted to each other!

That said, I would never kiss another man. But I’ll certainly check them out, and maybe even fantasise about them. And both my DH and I think this is normal and healthy.

Btw, your user name is awesome. (:

Post # 45
Member
2649 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

@Steampunk Angel: Same here, I mean I totally have a Crush on David Guetta ( the Dj guy) and David Bowie, but normal people?  I got nuthin.  Even my friends that I had crushes on while with my ex/ single… there is ZERO attraction now… like someone hit an off switch lol

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