(Closed) Is kissing someone when you’re in a relationship, when you’re drunk, cheating?

posted 9 years ago in Waiting
Post # 92
Member
2392 posts
Buzzing bee

If my DH did this it would really bother me! If it’s a one time, impulsive, spur of the moment, drunken episode, and it was only kissing, I don’t know if I would classify it as cheating per se. I would classify it more as inappropriate behavior. Cheating to me is asking someone on a date, sleeping with someone, texting or calling them repeatedly with the intention of hooking up. But the whole kissing thing is not something that would fly with me.

Post # 93
Member
2194 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

I don’t think it’s unreasonable to be attracted to another man when you’re in a relationship. I’ve had little crushes on guys since being with my SO, but the difference is that I’ve never EVER acted on it.

To answer your question, YES this is cheating. I think it’s unfair to assume alcohol would be any excuse. Additionally, you’re asking this question on a wedding website…so obviously we’re all pretty sensitive to fidelity…as we’re all getting or already are married.

That said, you’re not a bad person for it. I don’t think you necessary need to tell your boyfriend, but I do think you need to decide if you’re happy in your relationship. If you’re stepping outside of your boyfriend’s trust, it would concern me that you’re not happy with him. I would recommend some serious soul searching before making any rash decisions.

Post # 94
Member
10844 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

Hey all! Could I just give you a gentle reminder about that link right above the text box to the TOS that says “Please avoid personal attacks and snarkiness.” Let’s tone it down please.

Post # 95
Member
368 posts
Helper bee

Yes it is cheating. How would you feel if your boyfriend did this to you? I would come clean to him, and see what happens. While you may want to stay in the relationship your actions with your study partner seem to show otherwise. Long distance relationships are hard, and not for everyone. Personally I haven’t been able to make one work because I need a boyfriend who is in my life in person everyday.

EDIT:

Wow I did not notice the drama on this thread, sorry for mods for responding.

Post # 96
Member
7605 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

View original reply
@Rouquine:  Sure is.

ETA: Didn’t even realize the drama going on in the thread.  Only wanted to answer OP’s original question.  Clearly she knows the answer, but is now baiting.  Have a good day.


You rock.

Post # 97
Member
2721 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

You cheated and need to fess up to your BF. 

ETA: just responding to OP didn’t see the dramz!

Post # 98
Member
3967 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

Yes.

ETA: Sorry, didnt’ see the drama either!

Post # 99
Member
5145 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 2010

Comparing checking out another’s girls ass to making out with someone else is not the same thing. My husband and I are both honest about what we are attracted to in others, as well as about our fantasies. We do not find this threatening, nor do we feel finding other people attractive in any way takes away from our relationship. We are very close, very attracted to one another and this honesty is a shared intimacy that brings us closer. It is not for everyone but I have had the other way and I find this way a lot more intimate and honest. It works.

However, actually being physical with someone else or having an emotional affair is a boundary for us both. That includes kissing, or sleeping with others on buck nights!

If you do something you know is a boundary, and that you could not do in front of your partner, then I think that is a great litmus test. 

Every relationship has its own boundaries and couples need to define them for themselves togeher.

I know many encourage people not to say anything in such a case, but I believe in complete honesty and allowing your partner the opportunity to decide what HE wants ina relationship. Otherwise, he is going forward based on a false belief and I think that is terribly unfair to doto someone you say you love.

ETA: also missed all the drama, sorry Mods!
 

Post # 100
Member
1237 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@Peachcream:  Sorry but whether you’re drunk or not kissing someone else while you’re in a relationship is cheating. 

EDIT: Sorry, in the same boat as the others, didn’t see the drama just wanted to respond to the OP!

Post # 101
Member
10354 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

View original reply
@Peachcream:  “In an age where men go to strippers and probably screw other chics on their bucks nights, i dont think its nessasary for absolute transaprency to the point of flagging an issue which was never an issue – and never will be”

Um, my husband sleeping with someone at his bachelor party WOULD be a HUGE issue. I never would have married someone who would have done that.

Yes, kissing someone else is cheating. One of my good friends actually just finalized his divorce over his wife getting drunk and fooling around with a couple of guys.

Sorry you didn’t get the answer you wanted, but i’m not sure what you possibly could have expected?

Post # 102
Member
1595 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

Agree with elisa, don’t tell your SO. If you know it wont happen ever again… Some things are just better left unsaid.

Post # 103
Member
647 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

Yes it is cheating, being drunk is not an excuse. 

Post # 104
Member
2849 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I say that it is cheating. If my fiance did that, I would be extremely mad and would feel betrayed. It’s bad enough to have feelings for someone, let alone to act on them.

Post # 105
Member
2432 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

To answer your question, yes. I would take your boyfriend’s perspective – if he got drunk and kissed a girl who he knew had a crush on him, would you interpret that as cheating?

Post # 106
Member
792 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

Yep, it’s cheating. I have been on the other side of this situation and the fact that my ex didn’t have the decency to admit it was the worst part – it was absolutely gutting for me. I don’t know your situation but I’m sure your boyfriend deserves a say in whether or not it is cheating, so tell him.

The topic ‘Is kissing someone when you’re in a relationship, when you’re drunk, cheating?’ is closed to new replies.

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