(Closed) Is kissing someone when you’re in a relationship, when you’re drunk, cheating?

posted 9 years ago in Waiting
Post # 122
Member
341 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

What happened was not the end of the world. Horrible, yes but it doesn’t make you a bad person. It will be hard but you need to tell you boyfriend what happened and say everything you’ve said here expressing all the remorse you feel.

Who knows whether or not he’ll forgive you but I hope for your sake that he does.

As far as whether or not its technically cheating, that’s irrelevant. What you need is support. We know you love your man, if you didn’t you wouldn’t feel like crap.

Post # 123
Member
9 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Honnestly, if your SO doesn’t personally know the person or is in that guys circle of friends I’d say don’t tell him. Clearing the air so to speak will only make you feel slightly better and him way worse!!! Now I would obviously reevaluate your relationship with your SO and think of why you may have felt the need to look for someone else. Telling him with the intension of staying together in my opinion is no going to be productive for your relationship. I kissed a guy while away at a wedding (drunk) within the first few months of dating my now husband. I felt aweful and “icky” for doing it, and it would have ended our relationship. People make mistakes, it sucks and it shouldn’t have happened but if you plan on staying with him (and there is no connection between the guy and you SO) then keep it to your self and deal with it. My only question for you is is that “crush” you had still there? If the guy means nothing to you and you wouldn’t care of you ever saw him again then put it behind you. But… If you still feel the need to see him and miss being around the crush then you need to tell your SO and reevaluate the relationship. Hope that helps!

Post # 124
Member
192 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

would you think it was cheating if he did it? yes.

yes. its cheating. blaming it on the alcohol isnt right.

Post # 125
Member
2977 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

We all make mistakes, yes, but what you did was still cheating. Sorry, sweetie. How would you feel if the tables were turned? You’d probably say “yes, he cheated”. I hope you can learn from this. Yeah, crushes are tempting and alcohol impairs thinking but deep down it’s not an excuse to cheat on the man who loves you and you love back. I can’t tell you whether or not you should tell your man, cos it’s none of my business and may wreck your relationship all together.

Post # 126
Member
716 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

You need to fess up. Yes, it is cheating but if you get it out on the table right away it will be less bad than if it comes out later.

 

Post # 127
Member
320 posts
Helper bee

yup, definitely cheating..

Post # 128
Member
2377 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: January 2012

View original reply
@Eva Peron:  I agree completely with you it seems like she’s more interested in proving to herself it’s not cheating rather than owning up to her mistakes.

Post # 129
Member
1572 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

Honestly, it depends on your relationship. I have friends for whom this would not be cheating, and friends for whom it would be. For my relationship, there is no kissing or other intimate contact with anyone else. That’s just our rules for us, and we fully unerstand that they may not work for everyone. How would you feel if your boyfriend kissed another girl? Personally, I would tell my partner, but I tell him pretty much everything.

Post # 130
Member
1723 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Are you a bad person? No

 

Is it cheating? To me – it is!

 

Post # 131
Member
145 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I do think it’s cheating. If he did the same, the would you feel cheated on? Yes, we do all make mistakes. However, I do not know of many people in happy relationships who have crushes on people other than their SO. (Celebrity cruses aside, I mean real people you KNOW)  More importantly than whether this kiss is cheating or not /what you call it — if you are happy with your BF, why do you have a crush on someone else? Sounds like the crush exists even while sober. Could this happen again? If both members of the relationship are happy, neither is looking outside for affection, love or other things… just my thoughts. Im sure you are NOT a terrible person, and Im sure you feel terrible, but maybe you should look at why you did it, and your relationship….

Post # 132
Member
1468 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

You are really asking if this is cheating?? What if he did this to you, would you still be asking the question?  … being drunk is no excuse, you should not have put yourself in that situation, you have got to talk to your BF, having feelings for another man is a problem too.

– after reading your responces it sounds like you are being really selfish and want people to tell you that its ok, not a big deal and its not cheating, when really it is a big deal and it is cheating, something you will have to come to tearms with…..how sad and unfair for your BF, by not telling him you are being selfish

could you really one day walk down the aisle, face him and say “I DO’ with that big of a secret??  Cheating is one thing, hiding it is another… 

Post # 133
Member
6244 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 1900

Yes, this is cheating in my book.  Fiance and I don’t keep things from each other, and I’d have a guilty conscience so I’d have to say something.  But that’s just me, in my relationship.  That might not be the best for you in yours.

Post # 134
Member
1715 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@Peachcream:  Dearie, I think that you have to take the advice with a grain of salt and keep in mind that you’re on weddingbee.  //  Yes, it is cheating.  I really think you need to take a step back and reevaluate yourself and the relationship.  If you’re in so much need of attention/love, maybe your beau isn’t giving it to you?  Or maybe you’ve grown apart?  I think you know best whether or not to tell your bf or if this is something you must ‘fess up.  Good luck!

Post # 135
Member
2656 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Yes its cheating. Id be furious if I found out my Fiance did that.

Post # 137
Member
241 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Just as others have said. It is cheating.  I know it’s hard when they are deployed, but really.. Its not going to be easier. Deployments have been a tear in many marriages, its hard, i won’t throw stones. I’ve been through it more than once. But if you can’t handle it, and i don’t think drinking is an excuse. Then you can’t, and its okay.  I’m really sorry, i know it’s hard, but he has to trust you, he can’t worry about that stuff.

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