(Closed) Is life to short to be monogamous?

posted 6 years ago in Intimacy
  • poll: Is life too short to be monogamous?
    Yes, it's too much fun to have the excitement of a new partner once in awhile to limit things : (9 votes)
    3 %
    Yes, but I can be monogamous and expect it from my partner anyway : (29 votes)
    11 %
    No, monogamy is the way to go for true satisfaction : (144 votes)
    54 %
    No, multiple partners can be fun but is mostly overrated : (71 votes)
    27 %
    You can be monogamous but eventually one of you will need a "hall pass" : (5 votes)
    2 %
    Other - please explain : (7 votes)
    3 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    4327 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: January 1992

    That’s an individual issue per relationship. It would be tough to make a blanket statement. Personally, I have a difficult time not ascribing emotion to physicality, even if I’m thinking about a man’s psyche. I’d have difficulty letting go of that boundary in my relationship, but if I did, it would have to be par for the course and work both ways.

    Post # 4
    Member
    973 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2012

    I think it would be GREAT if we could both go have some random fun with strangers or people we knew (together or separately… whatever we wanted) now and then 100% SAFELY… sure every relationship I know who’s done this has ended badly… but for the sake of arguement let’s assume both people are really fine with it and it doesn’t ever effect the realationship in a negative way.

    The 100% SAFELY is the kicker for me.  I’m promising to be with him til one of us dies, and think about and do what is best for both of us.  There is NO way to have sex without risking catching something you can’t cure (risk varies on locale… but always there), sucks but it’s true.  I knew this when I was single, but when it was just me at risk it was honestly an acceptable but judged risk.  I can’t imaging putting Fiance at risk for something he’d have forever that he had no part in getting other than being with me.  And honestly I’d be pissed beyond belief if I got something from what he did sexually.

    For the record in our relationship (and probably all our lives) he’s the girl and I’m the guy for emotional/stereo typical relationship stuff.

    Post # 5
    Member
    3314 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2010

    I need that emotional tie.  If I don’t have that then I don’t relax or enjoy.  So for me, it’s monogamous all the way!  Thankfully my husband is the same way.  🙂

    Post # 6
    Member
    5011 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: April 2012

    I did my fair share of casual sex, but honestly I’m perfectly happy to be settled down and monogamous. I still flirt with other men (and women) with DH’s full knowledge and that’s more than enough rush (and usually leads to much better sex than I’d have with a one night stand).

    Post # 7
    Member
    11356 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: May 2009

    Although I have only ever had sex with one person, my husband, and that was after our wedding, I have “fallen in love” — what I should probably refer to as infatuation, a number of times in my life, so I understand the excitement, chemical reaction, and rush that people experience from a new dating relationship. It’s an intoxicating feeling, and I understand why people would desire to experience it throughout their lifetimes. Unfortunately, there is no way to truly recapture that exact same feeling in a relationship after it finally wears off. (Research indicates it can only last approximately six months to two years, because it would be physically impossible for the human body to sustain that intense, initial chemical reaction in the brain indefinitely). Sometimes the temptation exists for married people to want to seek out that intoxicating feeling again through affairs or through ending the marriage in favor of a new relationship. I am one who believes that marriage is designed to be for a lifetime and that any decision to stray or pursue something or someone more exciting and will only lead to disappointment, heartache, and, often, destruction. It represents an elusive search for an ever-increasing thrill that eventually will lead to an ever-diminishing return.

    Post # 8
    Member
    4352 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    I can’t imagine doing it with a stranger and honestly I think Fiance feels the same way. No hall passes for us.

    ETA: @MrsTangerine:  +1 about safety. I don’t think its possible to have safe casual sex. How do you really know that person is STD free?

    Post # 9
    Member
    11356 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: May 2009

    By The Way, Sorry for the single, giant paragraph, above. I am posting from my Android phone, a laborious and error-riddled process that will not seem to allow me to insert paragraph breaks.)

    Post # 10
    Member
    9483 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: October 2012

    I don’t need an emotional attachment, but I think Fiance does.  I just couldn’t handle knowing he was with other women and they were satisfying his needs.  My thought is: well, what if he got bored with me?  I’m sure he would feel the same if I were with other men.

    Post # 11
    Member
    4755 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    I think everyone needs to sow some oats… After that is done then monogamy is peice of cake.

    Post # 12
    Member
    3220 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: February 2012

    None of those poll results really work for me– I’m choosing monogamy but everyone finds happiness differently!

    Post # 13
    Member
    2425 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    I choose monogamy, because I think the sex gets better the more you know your partner. You care more about making the other one feel good, versus I don’t think you get a chance to do that with casual sex.

    Post # 14
    Member
    11752 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    I answered other because my opinion isn’t really on the poll.  Monogamy is what I chose because I want to be married and be with one person – and life is too short to not have that connection with someone. But, if you aren’t the monogamy type that’s fine by me – I just don’t personally think you should be married then.  Be as polyamorous as you want – just not within a marriage.

    Post # 15
    Member
    10714 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2012

    I had a lot of boyfriends and one night stands before I met my Darling Husband so I guess I got over it. On the flip side to what you said I’m the one that doesn’t get attached and I feel nothing for randoms in the past but my Darling Husband has always gotten attached and felt something for them. Lol

    Post # 16
    Member
    1335 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: May 2013 - Kempinski San Lawrenz, Gozo

    I don’t think life being short has anything to do with choosing whether or not to be monogamous. Life is the longest thing you ever do. I choose to be monogamous because I want to respect my Fiance for life. I don’t feel I’m missing out when I’m happily in love and sexually satisfied, and he feels the same way. Neither of us are into sex without the emotional attachment. 

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