(Closed) Is living together more likely to delay a proposal?

posted 3 years ago in Waiting
Post # 91
Member
395 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

 

southerncharm :  I’ve seen statistics that living together decreases chances of proposal. I also know a lot of people want to live together before they’re married. In addition, I’ve seen statistics that say if you date over 2.5 years, you’ll be less likely to get married to that person.

My experience is that Fiance waited 4.5 years to propose to me. It happened out of the blue because he won a 1 carat loose diamond at a gala we were at. He said he had been seeing so many signs and the winning the diamond was what really slapped him in the face saying, “Stop letting your family dictate your life and marry the girl you love”.

I know he got super comfortable in us living together. At one point not super long before the proposal, I said that if he doesn’t see us getting married, there is no point in staying together because I want to be married at some point. When I started looking for other places and slightly distancing myself, that was when he started going, “Whoa. She’s serious. I want to be with her. What the heck am I doing?”

I guess it really depends on the personalities of people living together. I haven’t personally witnessed one end of the spectrum more than another.

Post # 92
Member
1012 posts
Bumble bee

My guy and I are on the path to getting engaged, and I know there’s absolutely no way that’d be happening if we hadn’t moved in together. I think it really depends on the couple. 

Post # 93
Member
1709 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2016 - Garden

mimivac :  the quality of the man does make a difference for sure. I definitely agree with that 🙂

Post # 94
Member
2508 posts
Sugar bee

Just to update my situation (I commented on pg 5), I moved in with SO at 9 months a few weeks ago, and we are planning to have our “specifics talk” in January. That will give us 4-5 months living together, alone, before deciding next steps. I think my SO very much needs to take things in steps – he couldn’t see himself being engaged before living together, finds it difficult to discuss the marriage or honeymoon in any detail before we get engaged, etc. 

HE brought up babies the other day and when I replied with a casual joke, he said, “let’s just worry about getting married first.” lol He really is a step by step thinker and I think trying to visualize two steps beyond current reality is stressful for him. 

So in my case, I think living together is the perfect condition for moving things forward. Because we chose to move in together deliberately as a “step toward marriage,” not out of convenience.

Post # 95
Member
365 posts
Helper bee

I lived w my ex husband before he proposed, but he’d told me he wanted to marry me and we’d discussed and agreed on a general timeline for proposal. I told him that before the 1st year of us living together was up wasn’t soon enough bc I wasn’t going to let it get to the month or week or day before then w things at all in the air. He said 6mos into living together (for financial/job reasons, not bc he was at all unsure or test driving). I’d never thought that I would live w a guy before proposal or marriage, but he really talked me into it. He later asked to change the timeline by a tiny bit (it ended up being for better weather in the area where he planned to propose on a trip) and he proposed by when he said. That’s marriage was super short and didn’t work out (#myhusbandcantlivenodoublelife).

I divorced him and I’m now dating a great guy. We won’t live together before we’re married. It’s what we both prefer and it’ll make things much easier w his family culture-wise. We stay together for weeks at a time, but have our own separate spots and in no way have moved in. We pack a bag every time w some minimal stuff left in a drawer. I don’t need to live w him first to know and vice versa, but I don’t hate on ppl who want to. I’d guess that my guy will propose faster than my exH, but the difference is less living together first or not and more the stage were at in our lives, that we’ve known each other for 15yrs already, how great the relationship is, and how ready we are to get going with married life. 

Post # 96
Member
66 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: November 2016

I believe yes is does delay an proposal , but some people prefer to live together and delay the engagement so the know the person better than to have a quick engagement and dont know what to expect .

Post # 97
Member
1892 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

southerncharm :  I dont think anything delays the engagement but your SO. I think it is very important to live together before you get married. My Fiance and I have lived together for 3 years, and just bought a house. I am so glad I have gotten used to his habits, learned how he lives, and modified certain habits so that we can live together in harmony for the rest of our lives.

Post # 98
Member
78 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: November 2016

I think living together delays a break up not a proposal.  If you are on the same page about wanting to get married, talk expectations, etc. then living together or not just depends on the preference of the couple.  If it is not going to work out living together can become so comfortable and breaking up look so hard that someone sttays around longer than they should out of conveinence.

Post # 99
Member
365 posts
Helper bee

ahe87 :  you have this right. Living together definitely delays a breakup and it can push some marriages to happen that otherwise wouldn’t and shouldn’t be. For my 2nd and forever marriage, I want to actively make a decision the whole way to change my life on that day by getting married. Him too. I don’t want it to be that, if I ever start hesitating or thinking he’s not right for me, I’d need to go to drastic measures of finding a place to live and unmerging our stuff, etc. (This time) I don’t want my marriage to be a decision to maintain the status quo. 

Post # 100
Member
901 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2017

I don’t think it’s so much living together as it is a coincidence that in these times, guys are just more likely in general to delay proposals than any other time in history. 

Post # 101
Member
212 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2017

I also dont think it is the living together per se. I think what delays is the different expectation from society. The busier lives. It is all just very different. 

Post # 102
Member
349 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2017 - Combermere Abbey

If men really think that marriage is just about living in the same house together and therefore they don’t need to propose…they are not ready to get married or simply don’t want to. Because they are missing the whole damn point of marriage. 

If he really wants to get married, living together won’t delay it. 

 

Post # 103
Member
2279 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

It didnt delay things for us but maybe that is because we were older when we moved in together and got engaged. 

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