(Closed) Is living together the kiss of death for getting married in a short time?

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 62
Member
4304 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Don’t you find it to be a red flag that a 10 year old knows more about your own proposal than you do?

Post # 64
Member
1293 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

I have a question.. so there was this event at the jewelry store… he bought a ring put it on your finger you cried, all is happy and well..

WHAT HAPPENED NEXT? Did you go tell people, did you talk about how exciting it was? Did you get extra snuggly and talk about who to tell? Did a wedding come up?

Or did you walk out like it never happened??

Assuming that since he JUST put a ring on your finger that you both acted like you were engaged for an amount of time (minutes, hours days?)    the “engagement” fell apart somewhere.. where?

Post # 65
Member
2440 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

We lived together for a year and a half to get engaged, but where we were academically and in our careers had more to do with the wait than our apartment sdid. 🙂 Good luck!

Post # 66
Member
206 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

My fiance/husband (we just made it legal…weddingy wedding soon) proposed to me two weeks after I moved in. I don’t think there’s a way to say definitely that moving in delays the engagement, although I always believed it would. 

Post # 67
Member
9955 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

View original reply
@Seashells7:  Good question!   OP, what happened in the interim between when he put a ring on your finger and then backtracked and told people you aren’t engaged?

Do his friends and family have some kind of issue with you, and that’s why he doesn’t want to tell them you’re engaged? 

Do you think he has some kind of proposal surprise in store?  (In that case, though, wanting you to wear the ring now doesn’t make sense.)

I agree with whoever suggested couples counseling, have you considered that?

Post # 70
Member
1293 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

View original reply
@PunkinBride:  okay, based on your answer… it sounds like an engagement happened and it just fell apart for him. you NEED to communicate with him. If what you are saying actually happened the way it did, he has some explaining to do!

I agree with others, get off here and figure this out with him. What he has done with his family is not fair to you  ….And be kind and nurturing, not angry… that is the ONLY way he will open up.

 

Good luck!

Post # 71
Member
9955 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

View original reply
@Seashells7:  +1.

Post # 73
Member
2440 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Wait… I only jsut now read the rest of this thread. Good Lord.

 

Put your ring back in its box, shove it under his nose, and tell him it’s his ring, he bought it, and he needs to take it. Obviously, you’re not engaged, he didn’t propose, and says your’re only his girlfriend so it’s not your ring. And if he starts whining and wanting you to wear it, tell him that’s fking ridiculous and he needs to man the fk up or shut the fk up.

 

This is such a stupid predicament I can’t shake my head enough…

 

Don’t put up with this bull. And don’t participate in it either. Sit him down, and get through the entiiiiiiire conversation. Don’t let him off with a shrug. You might be avoiding following through with this because you may not like what you hear, but you need to do this.

Post # 74
Member
1293 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

i think councelling is a great idea.. but not the first move here. Guys HATE councelling.. they dont like the idea that they need help ..we all know this.

You need to talk to him before councelling is brought up anymore. you will just agitate him and he will shut down

NOTE: my statement about guys dont like councelling is general.. i know many do, and I know how wonderful it is. But based on OPs posts, it is evident that her Fiance is like mine… A lot of guys just dont feel like a first resort is seeing someone else.. or admitting they have a problem   NOTHING AGAINST COUNCELLING HERE!! 🙂

Post # 76
Member
9955 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

View original reply
@PunkinBride:   Well, in that case you need to regroup and back off about the wedding plans.  It sounds as though you started planning your wedding (as you should have) when he gave you the ring but something freaked him out or upset him.  Were you overwhelming him?  Did the two of you have a fight about it?  Communication seems to be lacking here. 

Since his family and friends love you very much, and all is well with the children, I have another question:

Your thread title is about living together and how it affects a pending wedding, essentially (in my case we lived together, got engaged, got married, smooth sailing all the way with no drama and all within a year and a half). 

So, the “living together” might be an issue for him.  You said all talk of wedding planning stopped after you moved in.  Any clue as to why that might be?  How has living together been going?  Because for most couples I don’t think it’s the case that living together slows down the relationship or becomes “the kiss of death;” I feel it usually moves forward if it’s a healthy relationship and both people are happy with it.  Obviously it can go the other way, though.

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