Thanks girls. I wish I could reply individually, but it’s hard because of so many responses so I’ll reply generally…
First off, I notice such a variety of responses that it makes me really see and understand why this has been such a conflicting issue in my head. Everyone has made some very good points and I’m really taking it all into consideration. Someone even made the statement that there doesn’t seem to be a problem at all. Sometimes I wonder if I am/ we are making a big thing out of nothing, but I understand it’s a problem if it keeps coming up.
About the whole drunken argument thing, I agree we need to stop doing that. We actaully used to be really bad at that but it has gotten a lot better espcially since I don’t drink as much as I used to anymore. This drunken argument we had was the first in a long time, but yes it’s true, it definitely intensifies our words and the issue.
And in reply to if I admit I am too intense/emotional, that’s kind of something i think about too. Yes I agree I am too much sometimes and I need to chill, but then other times I think “why should I change? what about him?!” Although, I do think, sunfire, you are right about some of what you said. I was remembering my previous long term relationship. My ex boyfriend was a little more “romantic” I guess, and I still remember always complaining and needing more. It makes me wonder if this is my problem. Maybe I am insecure and need to work on myself. I just don’t know, but maybe i’ll find out in counseling.
And also, I agree that maybe being so different sometimes works for us too. I used to have a boyfriend that was the opposite of my current boyfriend. He was VERY passionate and said all the right things, but oh my gosh, did it annoy the hell out of me because he would cry over everything. It was kind of emotionally exhausting. I wonder if that’s how my SO feels… Anyway, this ex boyfriend I had seemed very passionate and loving, but in the end I found out he was lying about a lot of things and everything he said was BS. I think that’s what made me really like my current boyfriend in the beginning. I saw it as “okay this guy is not BSing me with lines and fake passion and love.” My current SO can be very loving at times, but when he is, it is very genuine and real and does not feel like a dramatic scene out of a movie. I do actually love that about him. I guess I just sometimes… want more of it??? I don’t know.
The more I read these comments and think about it, the more I start to think and realize my boyfriend isn’t COMPLETELY emotionless. He cuddles with me even though I do have to ask him to most of the time. He tells me he loves me and compliments me every day. He kisses me hello and good bye. He sometimes calls me on his lunch break or IMs me during the day. He checks on me when I’m sick or in pain. I mean he is a really good guy. Maybe this IS MY problem. He was actually telling me last night that he doesn’t think it feels like a huge problem to him on his side because in his words “you ARE actually pretty chill.” But what he said is a problem for him is that he constantly feels like he isn’t good enough or the one for me because I complain I want more affection or romance etc. Maybe I don’t always give him the credit he deserves and when I start craving the affection or romance I haven’t gotten in a few days, I start feeling like he doesn’t love me as much as I love him or something. I don’t know. Something to think about.
Thanks for all the hugs and support. And again thanks for those of you who have posted similar stories and who suggested five languages of love. I am actually reading the singles version of the book right now because a friend gave it to me. It seems pretty good and still aims at dating, but maybe I should buy the one for couples and we can read it together.