(Closed) Is making the guest list the worst part of wedding planning or what?

posted 4 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Which stage of wedding planning was/is MOST stressful for you?
    Raising/saving enough money : (13 votes)
    15 %
    Picking a dress : (1 votes)
    1 %
    Picking a bridal party : (2 votes)
    2 %
    Picking the bridesmaids dresses : (0 votes)
    Avoiding family/bridesmaids drama : (13 votes)
    15 %
    Getting your groom/bridesmaids to help more : (2 votes)
    2 %
    Choosing guests : (30 votes)
    36 %
    Picking a venue : (12 votes)
    14 %
    Deciding on a menu : (1 votes)
    1 %
  • Post # 3
    1927 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: March 2014

    @Asichka:  Our venue has enough space that 100% invites could show up and we’d be fine (financially, another story, but we knew 100% wasn’t going to happen).  So the guest list was really easy other than getting FMIL to help FI with his side.  

    IMO,  the hardest part is nailing down the logistics— how are xyz getting to location abc because then we’ll all be on the shuttle back and where do i send this bag or this box and what time should the makeup artist arrive, etc etc.  Basically timeline and transportation are my biggest stressers. I was in a wedding last year where teh timeline was totally off and so it was a giant clusterf*ck and rush up to the first look.  I just want to be relaxed on my wedding day!

    Post # 4
    4194 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry

    Sounds like you need a “B” list. Send the family invites out early with an earlier RSVP date, then have other invites ready to go if/when you get declines.

    Or if you’re not comfortable with that, call you friends directly. “We had so many family members that we HAD to invite that we couldn’t invite all of our friends. Not all of them can make it, so we would love it if you could share in our special day.”

    Post # 6
    16 posts
    • Wedding: August 2014

    Oh my, that certainly is a stressful situation!

    I would recommend firstly confirming whether or not your parents are coming (make sure you set it in stone!). That will give you a good idea of who to invite beyond that. 

    I’ll tell you our unconventional plan for our guest list. Our venue can only accommodate 88 people for a sit down dinner and we have a few more we would LIKE to have, but are not the absolute top priority (ie parents’ friends who my fiance and I do not really know). We are sending out two waves of invites. The first wave (88 invites) will go out in mid April, with an RSVP by late May. We are expecting a 10-15% rate of decline. The second wave (if people do decline… if not, no second wave!) will go out at the end of May with a reply by early July. It is certainly not ideal, but with our tight venue constraints, we want to make it work!

    Hope that helps 🙂  good luck with the planning!

    Post # 7
    184 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: June 2014

    Picking a venue for us.

    Oh and waiting for the fucking Army to decide to let him know when he can take leave. “June” is all we have at this point. I’m shooting for the 21st mentally, just so that I have something to lock on to for now.

    Post # 10
    298 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    The seating chart is the worst! We’re both children of divroce so there’s a lot of people who can’t (refuse to) be seated next to each other! 🙁

    Post # 11
    2271 posts
    Buzzing bee

    @Asichka:  “I’ve always had a “guest list” at the back of my mind ever since the day I knew FI and I would be getting married some day, and over a period of two years some people have fallen off the list and others have been added.

    This is where I’m at. We’re not engaged yet, but I have a guest list in my mind and I fear it will be the most stressful part of wedding planning for my SO and me.

    Having to invite people we dislike, dealing with the fall out of not inviting children, people expecting plus ones etc.


    I’m dreading it already.

    Post # 12
    1870 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: March 2014

    I voted “other” because while choosing a guest list was stressful, I’d say the most stressful part of the wedding planning is staying in budget! I don’t think it’s going to happen and that really annoys me. I’m constantly mulling numbers in my head every time I want to make a purchase. 


    Post # 14
    2271 posts
    Buzzing bee

    @Asichka:  “Gate-crashers are a constant threat though!

    Oh, I wouldn’t put it past some people I know. Luckily one of the reception venues I love is on an island and the other has security.


    Post # 15
    727 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    @Asichka:  The most stressful aspect for me was family drama.  I’m good at organizing and planning, so that part didn’t really stress me out at all.  It was dealing with all the unsolicited opinions, and STRONG ones at that.  I was taken aback that people seemed to think it was about them and not us.

    Post # 16
    785 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    @Asichka:  Oh God, the guest list!  Just getting anything from my future in laws was like pulling teeth, and then they gave us a list with like 170 people on it  – our venue holds 200 if it’s stuffed to the gills.  I’ve been flip flopping between feeling guilty that  I can’t invite everyone, and feeling relieved that I have an excuse not to pay for a hundred extra people who I couldn’t identify off the street.  This is compounded by the fact that the future in laws used their portion of the guest list to invite 2nd and 3rd cousins, so their friends are being excluded and so there’s constantly a guilt trip waiting for me.

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