(Closed) "Is Marriage for White People?"

posted 5 years ago in African-American
Post # 3
Member
529 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

I have never heard of that book.

Post # 4
Member
650 posts
Busy bee

That’s quiote interesting , never heard of that book either. Will have to look for it

Post # 5
Member
466 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

Interesting. I never would’ve considered race to be a factor. 

Post # 6
Member
1269 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

What I have noticed on the bee is a lot of interracial couples, black woman/white man. Just saying.

Post # 7
Member
543 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

It sounds very interesting! Does it touch on the theorized effect that slavery had on the “singledom” of black women? I’ve read some studies that basically read that because of black men being sold from their wives, their families, black women had to stand up and be the head of household, often mother and father. These women internalized that they could do everything themselves, they were strong enough to bear the whole burden themselves, while black men internalized the “rolling stone” mentality, most likely to have a degree of “control” over their lives,and ease the pain of leaving their loved ones. They adopted the mentality of “it’s ok, i didn’t want to be there”. The way that both the women and men thought were passed down from generation to generation, and still effects their sons and daughters today. Another things the slave women passed down was a sense of pride of being black, being strong.. I think thats why alot of black women try to hold out for black men, to continue on that lineage, but like a PP stated, the tides are definetly changing!

Post # 8
Member
173 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

Intresting. I’m a black woman in my mid 20’s and when I think about my own situation as well as most of the women I know, I wouldn’t agree with that.

Post # 9
Member
543 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

@Jaxxmom:  my situation as different as well, as I am childless, in my early 20’s and marrying a man of a different race who’s also childless and in his early 20’s; but then I think about my mother’s (black american) side of the family, my aunts, my cousins, my grandmother, even my great grandmother, are all united in being single black women well into their 30’s and past, some with children, some without. Even my own mother didn’t marry until she was nearly 30! (but high-fives to her and my dad, they’ve stayed married for 28 years so far!) This is a distinctly black american trend, while with women of all races and background the rates of being single or divorced are rising, its a disparately high rate in the black american community. For example, most of my fathers side of the family, all Nigerian, married no older than 25 (and the ones that were that old had just finished medical school).I want to get my hands on this book!

Post # 10
Member
1466 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

hello Sistas,

First I wanted to comment on the book, no I have not heard of it but I will be making a trip to Barnes & Nobles. My parents were married, so werent my grandparents, I had a child when I was 21 and adopted one they are both grown women now and one married, one in college to become a doctor. I have a college degree and graduated Cum Laude. I raised them by myself not mad but played the hand I was dealt. I have been proposed to a total of 6 times over the years before I met my FI. I wanted a God fearing man, progressive, and I wanted to feel the love oppose to giving it and still feel empty because they were not capable of giving me what I felt I deserved. My FI is in the military and he is white/Italian and I am AA/American Indian. Color was never the issue he has everything I always wanted in a mate it just so happened he wasnt black.

Post # 13
Member
197 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

I would have to disagree as well. I’m a little bit more inclined to think its more the envirornment in which you’re from. I am educated and, although recent, I am 30. My fiance is white and has the same education level as I do. I could never seriously be with someone that would be considered as dating “down”. Black, white, or other. I did it once and he was reeeaaally stupid so I had no respect for him. I felt terrible about it afterwards but I will admit that I treated him very poorly. However, I do think older women in my family fall into that category of not wanting to date out but I was raised in a totally different setting than they were.

And who are they interviewing for these studies anyway???

Post # 14
Member
1466 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2016

@Nixie0213:  I shall have to read this book. I am a black woman and just turned 30. My FI is actually Dominican…more blood from Spain than Africa. But he also has less education (Bachelor’s degree while I am getting an MBA) and makes less money than me. However I dated “accomplished” black men before and no one ever treated me better than FI.                                                                    

The affects of slavery are REAL and it’s unfortunate that so many years later we are still affected. It’s hard to break the sterotypes, but as a black woman, I can say that dating hasn’t been easy.                                                      

I applaud those for dating outside of the race. It’s funny I had a convo with a male friend recently (he’s a Black Latino) and he was telling me how Black American women are different from black women from other cultures (ie. West Indian, African, South American, etc.). And not in a good way. Apparently we (Black American women) are more materialistic, superfiical, have our priorities screwed up, and are not as family oriented. I didn’t get mad…I wanted to hear his opinion. There may be others who feel this way and I like to be aware of these perceptions. Interesting topic.

Post # 15
Member
48 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I am an african-american, educated women in my early 30’s and am marrying outside of my race (FI is white). I too dated many successful black men, but living in So. Cali, there seemed to be a “next best thing” mentality. And yes, alot of the black women here can be very superficial, and seem to have a “Real Housewife of…” mentality. I married up, but he’s down to earth, easy going and treats me like a queen. I didn’t think twice about race…just how I wanted my marriage to be…

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