Lol. OK. So Mommy-zilla has given some “feedback”. So, she immediately shot down the only available venue in a 20-mile radius that is not outside in Texas August heat and humidity, and not tied to a church (I am not a member, and don’t know if anyone else in our group IS a member of a church that has an open Fellowship Hall or something). She did not offer up any new venues, but mentioned that “some bars are open for events in the afternoon”. She also said, “I’m concerned about ISILMES VENUE SUGGESTION because it won’t be able to hold all our guests. This is a co-ed shower (because men just LOVE baby showers) so we are looking at about 50 or more people! Also, we can move this to July if August 5th isn’t going to work.”
So, silly me, knowing that people have other things going on in July, and that the solution to finding an open venue is NOT to move the date even closer, I called the local tearoom again to ask about their event capacity. They can hold 155 people. So the potential 50-60 guests Mommy-zilla is expecting is not a problem. So, on the group Facebook page she started, I shared this, plus the bonuses of using a place that already caters, has tables, AC, bathrooms, and is smoke free versus all other venues (available or not) where you are expected to do the set up and breakdown yourself, as well as cook. I pointed out that come 8 months of pregnancy, cooking for 60 is not something she should be doing, no matter how much she “loves cooking”. That her guests should not be expected to have to set up tables and break them down, and that it will actually cost MORE to DIY it than to simply pay the tearoom.
I asked her to PLEASE state WHERE she wants this if she does not like this venue for whatever reason. And while I know this I got her goat, I said, “It is not customary or proper for the mommy-guest-of-honor to plan, cook for, and decorate their own shower.” It’s not the nicest way to say it, but I am tired of the fakeness about it all. I told her that usually the mommy is supposed to just find a cute dress to wear and show up.
Other ladies liked the idea and stated so, and offered to go in for paying for the food items (which is the only cost for the venue – buy their food and some drinks. No hourly rate, no setup fee, nothing – and their trays are within reason, save us all some time, and I am willing to spend a little for convenience and a professional to do the work). Some have helped her with events before, and been frustrated and spent far more money than should have been needed due to the poor planning. Most also told her to sit back and let us do this
She came to the post last and saw that she was trapped because no one else had shot it down and they all liked the idea of a simple set up, and gracelessly stated, “I guess we can have it at the tea room. Thank you Isilme for looking into this. As for what is “customary or proper”, I don’t care about etiquette I want to be a part of some of this. I love parties and events– I love creating things– I want to be part of what I consider fun.”
I feel a need to later (or have someone else later) post that it’s not about etiquette – you have a BABY coming. You are not supposed to be spending your limited money (she works at a grocery store, her H is unemployed and might be disabled) on a party when your friends want to do it for you. You have doctor bills, a hospital stay, and all manner of things a shower cannot provide for you coming. Vaccinations. Car seats. We can help provide some onesies and bibs and bottles. If the aprty is less expensive than she wants it, some people might be able to pool together for a stroller or a big item. But as the parent, you are now taking on responsibility for a new person. Don’t break your bank on a party and make it all about you!
But, it will not be said like that. Sorry, I am just venting a bit to strangers. If she is going to be pissy, I am now against helping provide a venue, let alone making little paper mache squirrels or whatever she is envisioning as her “magical forrest shower”.