Is moving away from family and friends a huge deal? What are your deal breakers

posted 10 months ago in Beehive
  • poll: Is there a deal breaker for moving away with SO to another city, state, or country?
    Yes, family is everything. Wouldn't move. : (5 votes)
    6 %
    It's okay if it is within a reasonable driving distance to see on weekends if we wanted to. : (19 votes)
    25 %
    No, I will live my life where and how I want. WIll see fam when I make time. : (49 votes)
    64 %
    other :) : (4 votes)
    5 %
  • Post # 2
    Member
    47258 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    For my friends, moving out of town was a rite of passage. In my first marriage, my ex-husband was transferred to a new location every year. You soon learn that there are nice people living everywhere.

    Post # 3
    Hostess
    9740 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: March 2014 - Chicago, IL

    I moved across the country for my current job, no regrets. I flew home last month to surprise my grandparents on their 90 and 91st birthdays, and packed in as much family and friends as I could in my short 4 day trip. There’s no way I would shackle my career to the Midwest, USA. If my career so happens to take me back there, then it would be nice to be closer to my mom, Mother-In-Law and brother. I love my friends, but we’re busy people and didn’t see each other that often anyways. In fact, my best friend that was a 2 hour drive is now a 2 hour flight, and we see each other the same amount. She’s actually flying in this Thursday 🙂

    Childcare wouldn’t change anything becacuse both of our moms work full time and both of our dads are deceased.

    Post # 4
    Member
    410 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: May 2019

    My FH and I grew up in the same metropolitan area, which is also where we are currently living. Most of our family and friends are here. Even if we move away, I think we will eventually find our way back here, because it will always be home for us.

    But at the same time, we are adventurous people and would love the opportunity to change scenery and spend some time living in another city or country. It might be a little more difficult without our current support network, especially if we have children at that point, but I’m sure we would make new friends wherever we end up and figure it out. I definitely wouldn’t rule it out!

    Post # 5
    Member
    2823 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: August 2018

    I moved to another state (it was not my home state that I moved from) with a boyfriend because he got a job transfer. It was a good experience and made me realize how much I disliked him since we really only had each other to spend time with. I ended it and moved closer to home and met my husband.

    I wouldn’t move away from where we are since were considering having a child, I 100% need to be close to my mom and sister for that!

    My husband has been offered positions in other locations but has always turned them down.

    Post # 6
    Member
    135 posts
    Blushing bee

    I moved to different states five times for school and work. My sister’s done it seven times, my brother “only” twice. (And we grew up in California, so moving states means something. It’s not like we’re talking Newark to NYC.) In my social circle no one lives where they grew up.

    Would I move again, for my SO? In practice no, but that’s because we both have jobs tied to this area and have put down roots here, so neither one of us want to move. In theory? Sure, if we could make the jobs work (very tricky in my case) and it were to a good area.

    I can imagine the calculus is very different for those who have all their family and friends in one place, and where it’s rare to leave. That’s tough.

    Post # 7
    Member
    1512 posts
    Bumble bee

    I moved 5300 kms across the country to be with my fh. From one coast to the other. 

    I would not do it for just anybody, nor for just any reason. 

    I did  it to be with him and support him while working a lucrative  job, while we follow a timeline n path for our future. It’s a short term sacrifice for long term stability. 

    And only when we were 100 percent committed to a lifetime together.  

    My kids are grown and family is spread out, plus my sister moved a day’s drive away. I am sad, she has cancer now and is moving back to be closer to family back on the other coast. 

    If my children were young or I had big family responsibility  I would not. But I am in my 40s and now life is for  me to live.

    I never regret my choice. Where we live, on the other hand, is not fun. Lol. 

    Post # 8
    Member
    3757 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: November 2014

    I wouldn’t move for the sake of moving. I’m incredibly close to my family, and my husband knows that. There are potentially job opportunities in other countries for my husband, and we have discussed the possibilities but I’m not thrilled about it. I’m a teacher and can likely find a job if we moved. My husband knows that if we were to move far away it would have to be because he got offered a job that he would never be able to obtain locally. Even then there’d be huge compromises being made.

    Post # 10
    Member
    714 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: December 2017

    bctoquebec :  Me too! Vancouver Island to PEI, the farthest you can go without setting foot on Newfoundland!

    Personally, my husband and I couldn’t wait to get away from our hometown, hence the cross-country move. We both have extremely complicated family lives though which is part of the reason we left. We had to get out or we were going to get sucked into their black holes, and physical space was the easiest way to do that. Neither of us have ever considered going back.

    Post # 11
    Member
    21 posts
    Newbee

    My fiancé and I moved away for his school/work, it’s a 22 hour drive back to our hometown where both of our families live. At first it was hard, but with time it gets easier. I wasn’t as close with my family as we are with his. We call his parents almost every night and have a group text we all chat in some days. His family visits us, and we visit them a couple times a year each. We miss them a lot but we know it’s better for us to be out here, we’re hoping when his parents retire they will visit more often. We don’t have any kids yet, but in a few years we are planning to and know that will bring family out here more. It is hard to make friends in a new town, I’ve been here for a little over a year now and still don’t have many close friends besides one coworker, but we don’t hang out outside of work. I don’t think moving far away from your hometown is for everyone, but it’s definitely nice to have a change of scenery. We moved away from humidity and the beach to the dry dessert, a big change but an awesome one. All our time that is not spent working is spent outdoors exploring our new beautiful home. Moving is hard, but worth it for us. I think not having many friends out here has brought us closer together than we would be living in our home town. 🙂

    Post # 12
    Member
    1512 posts
    Bumble bee

    evilqueenkarly :  that is super awesome! I was born in Victora. It is my hometown.

    But I too had a complicated family. I am so happy to have visited PEI last summer. From one island to the other!!! 

    Post # 13
    Member
    9867 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: August 2016

    I haven’t lived near my family since I was 18. While we were dating we lived in the same city as my in-laws but we moved to a different state right after the wedding for his PhD program. Personally, I prefer having a bit of distance from our families. They are fine but can both be overbearing at times and it’s just easier to deal with them when they aren’t down the road. We are planning on starting TTC next summer and have no intention of moving closer to family when that happens.

    Post # 14
    Member
    1907 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: October 2019

    I’m all for living where and how you want, but I’d never leave a good job ( much less two good jobs) without a heck of a serious savings account and preferably having found a job. 

    I’d travel and find a nice place, then look for a job there. Then move. 

    Post # 15
    Member
    729 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: London, UK

    I’m in the UK and moved 2 counties away from my family for my partner’s work nearly 2 years ago. It’s an hour and 15 mins drive which is honestly the furthest I could ever be. My condition was our place had to have a spare bedroom so that family and friends can stay whenever they want. Also it had to be a journey I could do on a weeknight, for us to spend just an evening together.

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