Post # 1
Hoping to get some perspective from the bees. I’ve been with my husband for 5.5 years, he has a brother that is 20 months older than him whose never been married and has no kids. They are extremely close. My Brother-In-Law has a quaky sense Of humor that I don’t find funny and he has a known drinking problem. Shortly after My Darling Husband and I got married my Brother-In-Law would make subtle comments…about us cuddling together, taking naps together, going swimming without bathing suits, ect. He would laugh about it immediately and would do it in front of my Darling Husband so everyone just brushed it off at first. Then it started to turn into throwing a pencil on the ground and asking me to pick it up (to see my boobs) to actually coming and laying down on top of me one day when I was laying on the couch. these events happened when he was black out drunk and he does not recall them, but I have felt utterly uncomfortable around him since the couch incident. My Darling Husband told him multiple times to stop as it was inappropriate, disrespectful, and made me feel uncomfortable. He didn’t stop. I then told him to stop as it made me feel uncomfortable. He didn’t stop and the comments continued. Last weekend he came into town (he lives about 4 hours away) and stayed with us. My Darling Husband warned him before he came that he better not make any comments towards me. I told my Darling Husband that if he said anything to me he would have to leave and would not be welcome in our home. My Darling Husband agreed. Welp, he got drunk and made a comment about going to bed and cuddling with me. I lost it. My Darling Husband and him got in a big fight and my Darling Husband told him off. Pretty much told him he wouldn’t be welcomed into our lives anymore if he couldn’t respect me. My Brother-In-Law told him I was over acting and it was all jokes and that’s just his personality and it not a big deal. Pretty much that its just his sense of humor. Everyone went to bed as it was late at night and my Darling Husband asked my Brother-In-Law to leave the next day. He went to stay with an aunt. At this point, my Brother-In-Law is not welcome into our home and I don’t want to have a relationship with him. I feel like we have told him multiple times to stop this behavior and he has chosen not to. My Brother-In-Law is standing his ground that it’s just jokes and that’s iIt’s just who is he and he makes funny comments to everyone. The problem is that there is now a family rift. My Darling Husband is sad that we have a rift with his brother (although he is backing me) as they are very close. My Mother-In-Law is upset that her sons are not speaking. I told my Mother-In-Law what happened as I had never told her about these comments/gestures before and her response was ‘oh he just gets nutty when he drinks’ which is not an acceptable response to me! I think he acts this way because everyone let’s him get away with it and doesn’t hold him accountable for his actions. We are expecting our first child very soon and honestly, I don’t want my Brother-In-Law around at this point, but I know it’s going to cause major issues in the family with a baby on the way as my Brother-In-Law has expressed major excitement over the baby. Am I overreacting or I am right to stand my ground and refuse a relationship with my Brother-In-Law at this point? I feel very bad for my Darling Husband as he is the one stuck in the middle and he is such a loving, caring, amazing person.
Post # 2
I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this but I’m very happy that your husband is standing up for you. You are definitely doing the right thing. Your Mother-In-Law will try to guilt you but just ignore her.
Post # 3
Does Brother-In-Law have a job? Does he make comments like that to coworkers and get away with it? Probably not, actions have consequences.
Post # 4
You are absolutely in the right. His behavior is 100% unacceptable and just brushing it off as nutty drunk behavior is total bullshit on your MIL’s part.
Post # 5
His behavior is unacceptable and I think you are right to not have him around your child. Clearly he and his mother do not see a problem with his behavior and he is not remorseful in the least. Sorry you’re facing this but I’m glad your husband is on your side.
Post # 6
In this day and age it’s remarkable that anyone could think this behavior is in any way excusable. Your Mother-In-Law isn’t doing her son any favors by defending him.
Post # 7
MsTrulove22 : You’re not over reacting, and if everyone is just blaming it on “getting nutty when he drinks” then the brother absolutely needs to stop drinking. Obviously seems like a cop out, but IF you two decide to aloow him back into your lives I would make it very clear that he needs to be sober, espcially if you have a baby around.
Glad that your husband is having your back on this one! Sounds like Mother-In-Law is in a bit of denial.
Post # 8
You know it pisses me off that you even need to question your request for respect when all an asshat needs to do is stop being an asshat for the 5 minutes he’s in your presence and he’s incapable of doing so.
You are 100% in the right to demand respect and 100% right to enforce consequences if those boundaries are violated. You should feel no guilt in doing so and I applaud your D H for having your back.
1. Brother-In-Law doesn’t respect you or your husband. Brother-In-Law was sending a clear message to his brother “I can do what I want and you won’t stop me” ” I’ll disrespect your wife in your own home if I want and you STILL won’t stop me!”
2. Your inlaws, by not discouraging such sexist, bullying behavior are encouraging it. (blowing it off and encouraging are the same thing to me in this case)
3. Darling Husband is less important to inlaws than Brother-In-Law.
I get Darling Husband being sad because its his family but I’d pissed as hell at them as well. They’re making the statement that they’re team Brother-In-Law and his sexist, bullying behavior is pretty acceptable to them. This may turn into setting boundaries against the family if they continue to support BIL’s behavior. You need to be ready for that.
The good thing about asshats is that sooner or later they come across even bigger asshats and have their asses handed to them.
Post # 9
Your Brother-In-Law is a fucking creep and a total loser. Your Mother-In-Law is just as bad defending him. I’m so glad that your husband is standing his ground on this for you…
I wouldn’t want my child around him either. Screw him and his “excitement”. There’s a reason no woman has ever wanted to reproduce with him!
Post # 10
I am so, so happy your Darling Husband is backing you up with this bee. His behaviour is disgusting and I would also be cutting him out of my life in your situation.
Post # 11
MsTrulove22 : You are not overreacting, you’re 100% in the right and you’re lucky your husband is backing you up! However it’s not fair or realistic to refuse a relationship with Brother-In-Law indefinitely, without at least giving him a chance to redeem himself. Instead of a black & white “we no longer speak to you”, I would set expectations through which he could rebuild a relationship.
What those expectations are, are up to you. Does he only ever behave this way drunk? If so then maybe the solution would be for him to never drink around you guys. Or maybe you could find an online sexual harassment course for him to complete? Whatever your requirements, you need something that throws the ball back to his court, so that the next action is *his* to take instead of you guys simply ending the relationship.
Don’t get hung up on the title of his behaviour. Wether it’s a joke or sexual harassment doesn’t matter, all that matters is that it makes you uncomfortable — that alone should be enough for him to apologise and take steps to regain your trust/position in your lives.
Post # 12
MsTrulove22 : well, if this was a stranger harassing you, I assume you’d have called the police long ago. So if all you’re doing is cutting Brother-In-Law out of your life, Brother-In-Law is getting off easy.
Post # 13
Totally harassing you. And making you feel icky n threatened .
Maybe he sees it as picking on you but totally out of line and I would tell him to stay the fack away from you if he can’t treat you with respect and act like a dignified adult.
Loser. if he does it again after fair warning, swift kick to the nuts.
Post # 14
fiver : yes he has a job, but it appears he has a hard time keeping a job and is usually having financial issues. He claims he does this to others, but no idea how he treats his coworkers.
Post # 15
MsTrulove22 : your “darling husband” needs to step up and put an end to this harassment immeditly