Is my BIL sexually harassing me?

posted 7 months ago in Relationships
Post # 2
Member
1213 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this but I’m very happy that your husband is standing up for you. You are definitely doing the right thing. Your Mother-In-Law will try to guilt you but just ignore her. 

Post # 3
Member
1213 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Does Brother-In-Law have a job? Does he make comments like that to coworkers and get away with it? Probably not, actions have consequences.

Post # 4
Member
9540 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2016

You are absolutely in the right. His behavior is 100% unacceptable and just brushing it off as nutty drunk behavior is total bullshit on your MIL’s part. 

Post # 5
Member
565 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2017

His behavior is unacceptable and I think you are right to not have him around your child. Clearly he and his mother do not see a problem with his behavior and he is not remorseful in the least. Sorry you’re facing this but I’m glad your husband is on your side. 

Post # 6
Member
6323 posts
Bee Keeper

In this day and age it’s remarkable that anyone could think this behavior is in any way excusable. Your Mother-In-Law isn’t doing her son any favors by defending him. 

Post # 7
Member
2917 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2018

MsTrulove22 :  You’re not over reacting, and if everyone is just blaming it on “getting nutty when he drinks” then the brother absolutely needs to stop drinking. Obviously seems like a cop out, but IF you two decide to aloow him back into your lives I would make it very clear that he needs to be sober, espcially if you have a baby around. 

Glad that your husband is having your back on this one! Sounds like Mother-In-Law is in a bit of denial.

Post # 8
Member
1532 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

You know it pisses me off that you even need to question your request for respect when all an asshat needs to do is stop being an asshat for the 5 minutes he’s in your presence and he’s incapable of doing so. 

You are 100% in the right to demand respect and 100% right to enforce consequences if those boundaries are violated.  You should feel no guilt in doing so and I applaud your D H for having your back.

1. Brother-In-Law doesn’t respect you or your husband. Brother-In-Law was sending a clear message to his brother “I can do what I want and you won’t stop me” ” I’ll disrespect your wife in your own home if I want and you STILL won’t stop me!” 

2. Your inlaws, by not discouraging such sexist, bullying behavior are encouraging it.  (blowing it off and encouraging are the same thing to me in this case)

3. Darling Husband is less important to inlaws than Brother-In-Law.

I get Darling Husband being sad because its his family but I’d pissed as hell at them as well.  They’re making the statement that they’re team Brother-In-Law and his sexist, bullying behavior is pretty acceptable to them.  This may turn into setting boundaries against the family if they continue to support BIL’s behavior.  You need to be ready for that.

The good thing about asshats is that sooner or later they come across even bigger asshats and have their asses handed to them.

 

 

 

Post # 9
Member
2203 posts
Buzzing bee

Your Brother-In-Law is a fucking creep and a total loser. Your Mother-In-Law is just as bad defending him. I’m so glad that your husband is standing his ground on this for you…

 

I wouldn’t want my child around him either. Screw him and his “excitement”. There’s a reason no woman has ever wanted to reproduce with him!

Post # 10
Member
2720 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

I am so, so happy your Darling Husband is backing you up with this bee. His behaviour is disgusting and I would also be cutting him out of my life in your situation. 

Post # 11
Member
1331 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

MsTrulove22 :  You are not overreacting, you’re 100% in the right and you’re lucky your husband is backing you up! However it’s not fair or realistic to refuse a relationship with Brother-In-Law indefinitely, without at least giving him a chance to redeem himself. Instead of a black & white “we no longer speak to you”, I would set expectations through which he could rebuild a relationship.

What those expectations are, are up to you. Does he only ever behave this way drunk? If so then maybe the solution would be for him to never drink around you guys. Or maybe you could find an online sexual harassment course for him to complete? Whatever your requirements, you need something that throws the ball back to his court, so that the next action is *his* to take instead of you guys simply ending the relationship.

Don’t get hung up on the title of his behaviour. Wether it’s a joke or sexual harassment doesn’t matter, all that matters is that it makes you uncomfortable — that alone should be enough for him to apologise and take steps to regain your trust/position in your lives.

Post # 12
Member
656 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

MsTrulove22 :  well, if this was a stranger harassing you, I assume you’d have called the police long ago. So if all you’re doing is cutting Brother-In-Law out of your life, Brother-In-Law is getting off easy.

Post # 13
Member
1206 posts
Bumble bee

Totally harassing you. And making you feel icky n threatened . 

 

Maybe he sees it as picking on you but totally out of line and I would tell him to stay  the fack away from you if he can’t treat you with respect and act like a dignified adult.

Loser. if he does it again after fair warning, swift kick to the nuts. 

Post # 15
Member
4 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: January 2019

MsTrulove22 :  your “darling husband” needs to step up and put an end to this harassment immeditly

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