Post # 1
so I’ve been sick for the last three days. I’m not so bad but I am sick. Today me and my bf were gonna go to his father’s for his brother’s birthday but I couldn’t because I’m sick and he went. I felt really bad for not going because these kind of events with his dad make him nervous. And tonight, right now(it’s night here in Austria) there is the birthday of a friend of ours. It’s definitely not a close friend therefore not so important to “to be there” for her birthday, but I would have liked to go since there will be our friends and I like her.
Okay so like an hour ago my bf came home from his dad’s and I was so happy to see him because I had been alone all day and I get really emotional when I’m sick. Also I have intrusive obsessional thoughts and I was stuck in my head the whole day. When he came I said, omg I’m so happy you’re here but you’re gonna go soon right? He said yeah in a sad voice. I said don’t go I don’t feel good and he said really? And I said okay go if you want to and then out of nowhere I started crying. He asked what was wrong and I told him I was hurt because he sees I’m sad and he still wants to go. And if he were in the situation and told me he wanted me home, I would definitely stay. He said he would stay if I needed him and I said I don’t need you in the sense that I’m sick and I need a caretaker I just want you to be here tonight. But I didn’t say I so want you to stay please stay etc because I didn’t wanna guilt him into staying. The crying was something I couldn’t stop because I just can’t stop once I start. Now he left and before he left he kissed me and he told me he loved me etc but I feel sooo hurt and sad.
It’s really unlike him to do something like this and I(in the state of mind I am right now) can’t tell if I’m overreacting or if this is actually something I can be mad about. I’m just so hurt I feel like I can’t let it go. What do you think?
Post # 2
Sadly, men do not do subtle. in trying not to guilt him, you tried to guilt him by not being direct about what you wanted.
you need to tell him exactly what you want in the future. Yes, it does suck that he took off when you don’t feel good, but you’re not super sick, and what fun would it be for him to sit there all night? hopefully he shows you that he cares about you and would stay if you asked him to. If he never stays when you ask him directly, then you might have a problem.
I hope you feel better soon.
Post # 3
Tinatiny1: thank you. I feel like I was direct because at first I asked him to stay I just didn’t insist. I mean to me if a person says something once than I wouldn’t want them to insist. I guess I’m more upset that he could just leave me when I was obviously sad and wanted him to stay.
Post # 4
The way you described it it sounded to me like he wanted to stay.
You: you’re going to leave soon right?
Him: yes (sad voice)
You: I want you to stay
You: well go if you want. And you start crying…
Anyway, I think you should get some rest and forget about everything. Feel better soon!
Post # 5
MrsCallalily: haha no. he was sad because I was sad but he didn’t want to stay. and also I told him I was kinda mad and sad because I asked him to stay and he said he would still go, to which he said okay. This looks ridiculous to me right now like how the fuck does he not stay? the whole thing is becoming a blur now though.
Post # 6
You are hugely overreacting and feeling wayyyy overemotional, probably because you’re sick. *hugs* Feel better.
Post # 7
Mrs. Honeybee: thank you so much, maybe you’re right. I’m just worried now that I won’t be able to let it go and create a fight between me and bf when he gets back. I want him to apologize I guess.
Post # 8
He has nothing to apologise for. If you had wanted him to stay so bad, you could have said so plainly. Instead you indicated he should go if he wanted to.
Post # 9
I think you were super out of line, using crying as a manipulation tactic, and being unfair to your boyfriend in general. You’re definitely overreacting and owe him an apology.
Post # 10
Olivepepper: I did say so plainly I just did not insist. I would not want to keep a person with me if he just wants to be somewhere else. My problem is now that I am hurt he chose to go after I said I wanted him to stay. I don’t know, it doesn’t even have to my boyfriend. If someone is feeling bad and can’t come to the thing I’m going to, I would just stay because I would feel bad for them. But maybe that’s just me, thank you for answering.
Post # 11
imnotgettinmarried: I’ve definitely had this happen before.. I think that I used to think I was more important then everyone all the time.. And im not. There were things my Darling Husband wanted to do and I couldnt stop him
Post # 12
Willowtree2222: I don’t think so even though he tells me that I am more important than everyone else. That’s the thing, I wouldn’t wanna stop him per se, I want him to want to stay and that is probably unreasonable, I just don’t think it is.
Post # 13
- Wedding: November 2009 - New York, NY
Men are not complicated, for the most part. One thing with most is that they don’t read between the lines and don’t understand why we don’t say what we want, yet get pissed if we don’t get it. I think you are way overreacting and if you know you’re uber sensitive because you’re sick, why would you choose to start a fight? Next time, say what you want exactly, and if you say you don’t want to guilt him into doing something, mean it.
Post # 14
imnotgettinmarried: No, your boyfriend was not being an asshole. Yes, you are overreacting. Overreacting is an understatement. He has nothing to apologise for, you wanting him to apologise makes you sound like a psycho chick. Hopefully you’re not actually psycho, just sick-addled and not thinking clearly. But, if being sick for 3 days turns you into this needy monster you might want to consider seeking professional help. Maybe you’re depressed? It’s not normal to freak out on your boyfriend and start crying because he’s going to a birthday party when you’ve been home with a cold for just 3 days — that’s really manipulative of you. In fact if anyone needs to apologise it sounds like it is you. Unless he is generally uncaring and unresponsive to you? Has he been looking after you (making you tea, etc.,) when he is home? I hope you treat your bf kindly, and vice versa, and feel better soon.
Post # 15
carolinabelle: okay I knew I was gonna get this reply eventually but here’s the thing, I cry for the smallest things and I told my boyfriend many times, that this is not a manipulation tool I use, and he shouldn’t take it so because I can’t help it. And for this reason, I always try to hide it when I cry, just like I tried to do earlier tonight. But he caught me. If I was a manipulative person I could have said I am so sick I need someone to take care of me etc, and he would have stayed. I do not owe him an apology because I cried, because that’s just how I felt.