(Closed) Is my boyfriend stalling an engagement?

posted 6 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
1715 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

Darling Husband and I talked about getting married within 2 months of dating and yes he did buy a snowboard worth almost as much as my ring between the time but within 11 months of meeting we were engaged anyways. I would say give it a little time and he wants to probably prove himself buy buying you a very nice ring as this can be considered a status symbol in many social groups and hand-me-down from mom is just not cool at all for his manlyhood.

Post # 4
Member
140 posts
Blushing bee

If you’ve been dating for 11 months, that’s well before the time when most men are ready to propose. And you have to remember that the higher salary is something he earned, and it’s okay for him to spend some of that money on himself. Say you got a raise of 20,000 a year or something like that. You’d be thrilled, and want to treat yourself, not immediately go out and buy your SO a 2,000 grill, necessarily. And his raise doesn’t necessarily mean he could have saved enough already, even if he didn’t buy anything else.

I think that him going ring shopping with you and wanting to save up a lot to get you something you’ll love and be able to show off and be proud of is pretty sweet. Eleven months isn’t that long, and I know you’re anxious… but I would give it at least a few more months, maybe even a year. A year is a long time, but if he’s been talking about getting you a ring for that long and it hasn’t happened yet, then maybe he is dragging his feet.

Maybe he is stalling, but guys need longer than girls do in a relationship before they are ready to get married. It’s a rare girl that the guy has to wait for to be ready.

Post # 5
Member
3265 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

I was really happy with a very simple ring but my SO wanted nothing to do with it. He has expanded the original budget (brought up by me) 3x what I had. He also didn’t want anything from his mom or anyone else in the family because he wanted it to be something he got for me, not a “hand-me-down” as he called it.

As you said, he is in that honeymoon phase of getting a raise. Things are great, he’s got extra cash. But you two have only been together for 11 months. It honestly may be putting him off more so now that you wanted a break for a week.

Have you sat down and had a serious conversation about how this is making you feel? I know you said you initiated the break, but that doesn’t always mean a serious mature conversation has been implemented.

Post # 6
Member
1448 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

When making life decisions, plan as if you were single.  If he wants you to move out of the state for him, and your condition for moving is that you need to be engaged, he needs to know this.  The next time he brings up leaving Texas after you graduate, you can say, “Oh, we’re going to be engaged by then right?  Because I’m not moving out of the state for you unless we are”.

Post # 7
Member
2086 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2012 - Pippin Hill Farm & Vineyards

I started dating my husband when he was 35. We didn’t get engaged for many years, but he says that he was pretty much a confirmed bachelor. He didn’t anticipate getting married at all. A few months into our relationship, he talked about marriage. I didn’t latch onto that…I just knew that the confirmed bachelor was realizing that he wanted to get married and he saw a future with me.

I think the one week break is a mistake, but I obviously don’t know you or your entire situation. Under a year into the relationship, you are still learning about each other. Did you just show him that your response to not getting what you want, when you want it is to leave? I would worry that this would give him some reservations. I imagine your intention is to have him be sad and realize what he wants.

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