- 2 years ago
- Wedding: July 2017
Comment deleted for violation of TOS
Comment deleted for violation of TOS
Someone is taking a break now, resume normal discussion
I think you need to talk to your boss. Does he know that you are not comfortable doing this sort of thing? People need to realize that social anxiety is a real thing and is more than just being nervous and uncomfortable. I have gone through periods of severe anxiety myself and there were times when just leaving my house seemed too overwhelming. You need to let him know that while you are not ready for this type of thing, you are open to other things.
I don’t think your coworker should be giving you work that she requested either. Why request something and then ask someone else to do it? That doesn’t make any sense.
OP may not be after a promotion, she might like admin work, hence why she is not in the coordinator position, because she is not suited to doing presentations etc. THat is 100% fine! Sometimes you can’t just ‘get over’ social anxiety jeez. I think you’re perfectly in your rights to turn it down, I wouldn’t give a presentation either. Plus you were not given all the info when you were offered the dinner invite, just say that if your boss asks.
I think you need to talk to your boss. At this point, you accepted and so you need to follow through and pretend to be happy about it. However, it does sound like perhaps this coworker is taking advantage of a situation.
I think it is fair to mention in passing or directly, something along the lines: “I didn’t realize the role of my acceptance, and I would love some additional training in order to succeed at this event. Further, I’m worried about getting my core duties completed. Should this take precedence? In the future, having a clearer understanding of who I report to will help me prioritize tasks.”
I agree you don’t want to seem rude for rejecting an opportunity to advance. However, I think the fact that this employee is trying to climb the ladder and doesn’t get her work done is a bit sketchy.
Personally, I think it is inappropriate for her to approach you with this. If she needed someone to cover her from your department then she should have asked your manager to select someone from among his/her employees. How is the manager supposed to keep work loads evenly distributed if big tasks like this are bypassing his/her desk. I would schedule a meeting with my boss to discuss the situation, explain that you didn’t realize that you would be presenting when you accepted, and ask if you can have the overtime to attend. If you do not feel like you would be able to speak then you are going to need to bow out with the understanding that you will likely have fewer opportunities like this in the future. It’s fine to take these opportunities for growth, but it needs to come with the understanding that compensation and title should be commensurate with the functions you are performing down the road. That is a conversation you will need to have with your boss.
I try not to do things that I don’t get paid to do, but I’m salaried and my company doesn’t seem to have a problem overloading people.
To me it’s a bit deceptive to ask someone in an administrative role to attend a dinner then to come back later and say “oh yeah, you’re attending alone and you need to do a presentation”. Regardless, if I were you I would accept the opportunity, knock their socks off and then approach your boss to discuss this after the dinner. If you try to resolve this prior, they are likely to either have someone else attend or it will just dilute their view of your performance if you do take it on.
Emailing is definitely just one possible next step, though! I have a colleague who sounds similar to the OP’s, and she is a big pain to work with, so I might be reading my own experiences into this situation. 🙂
I think the boat on “fix it with the colleague directly” sailed when the colleague tattled to the boss.
With the order of events as they are, I’d definitely not be going to speak at a dinner – the OP maybe expected some professional mingling, being a positive representation of the organisation, professional chat (ie not a free dinner and getting drunk) but hosting a talk is a huge world away from that. The colleague clearly misrepresented what they wanted to get her agreement. No thanks.
Yes, just because it doesn’t sit well with me doesn’t mean it is not the right step for OP. With email there is transparency, and if OP has had previous experiences with her colleague that she was not able to resolve in person, attempting the same method would do nothing to help, worse it could exacerbate the situation.
I would personally speak directly with your boss in private,
Explain that you misunderstood the request, and you decline as you have anxiety with public speaking. Tell her/him that you are working on this and when you are more comfortable with the program you wouldnt mind assisting with this kind of event alongside someone next time.
^ decling the activity respectfully, confirming you have a “weakness” that you are working on, showing interest in progressing.