- 10 years ago
Sorry, this is kind of lengthy but I’ve been quite upset and need to get it all out.
I’ve been with my boyfriend for several years – we have been through a lot together and I have been taking care of him extensively while he has been job searching for several months. Just as a side note, my bf is known for having a bad temper and a short fuse. We had been talking increasingly over the past year about marriage and engagement, and then he had an unfortunate issue that needed urgent attention a few months ago; I used all the money I had available to take care of it and make sure he would be cleared of the issue before it would be a long time that I would see him again. It also caused a huge issue in the family and was very stressful, but I stayed by his side. After we resolved what happened, we went that weekend to go ring shopping as he wanted to show me he was serious. I picked out a beautiful, yet surprisingly inexpensive ring, and he put a deposit on it – seriously, one of the happiest moments of my life. He said he would find a way to pay it off and has worked odd jobs off an on (but unfortunately, nothing permanent has come his way). So I was very excited when our anniversary was coming around as I did not know what was going to happen, but was very much looking forward to it especially with what had recently happened in the prior months. I spent hours making him a card and standing in line to get a new book he really wanted to make it really special.
Then, my mom’s beloved pet passed away on the day of our anniversary. I was devastated, and really needed to see him. He said I needed to spend time with my mother to help her (which I of course, understood), but when I begged him to see me because I needed him, he made no effort. And no effort the next day either. Seriously, I was very upset and crushed: I needed him to be there for me (I was devastated about losing the pet and about our special day being ruined) and he wasn’t, he just kept saying it’s not the end of the world and we’ll do something later in like a nasty way (not very nicely to me), but at that moment I needed his support and his presence (we live in NYC in different boroughs so its not like he couldn’t have gotten to me or seen me at work, he’s home all day everyday). Needless to say, I was upset the entire week and was not shy about letting him know that. I see him at the end of that week to take him out to dinner…and no flowers, no apology, no card, nothing. Just quickly glances over the card I put a lot of thought into making and acts weird the whole night. Wow, am I really mad now (a handwritten note at this point would have been appreciated). When I ask him about why no card or anything, he just says stop making me feel bad, I got you something better than a card. Still that night, nothing. I’m now really miffed and feeling unappreciated.
So the next morning, I’m a little upset because I’m still running on nothing and now the anniversary really feels ruined. Rather than give me a hug and a kiss when he sees me solemn in the kitchen about to make breakfast (I would think he would understand?), he flips out at me…cursing at me, saying our relationship is over. To make a long story short, he yells at me that he was going to propose to me that weekend, but now I have ruined it, and throws the box with the ring at me and knocks me square in the arm. He threw it so hard, it still hurts a few days later. I stayed in the room crying and it just was more cursing and yelling at me and blaming everything on me. I tried apologizing and telling him I love him and don’t want us to break up (but that he shouldn’t have gone so far), because I felt terrible. I spent time with him that day/next day, but in the back of my mind I didn’t feel it was my fault because he didn’t have to blow up at me like that and it really bothered me he still refused to apologize.
The next day, I go to work and think about what happened, and I felt increasingly hurt and angry. We continued to fight, and he kept saying how he’d rather be alone and how it’s all my fault, I ruined the proposal and he doesn’t have a reason to apologize. I held my ground and said I don’t think its my fault, I was upset and rather than comfort me, you exploded on me: it was him who ruined the engagement and all of the dreams I had of him proposing to me. He also accused me of wanting out of the relationship for awhile now so now I am free and he’s sure I have someone else (which appalls me because thats just nonsense, I’m nothing but dedicated to him and would never want anyone else. I wouldn’t waste my time going broke taking care of him if that wasn’t the case). So now I do not know what is going to happen, but I am devastated. And I do not think I could ever accept that ring I loved so dearly if we do reconcile as I feel he tarnished it by throwing it at me and on the floor like a piece of garbage.
I don’t know if we will recover from this, especially since he won’t realize how much he hurt me and how he should not have blown up by me just being upset for feeling our day was not special and feeling unappreciated after all I do for him (how was I to know he was going to propose when he couldn’t even buy me a card?) I love him with all my heart, but I honestly feel like he forgot about me and us and now I am a bit scared of him and heartbroken. Not sure if anyone else has been in this situation but guidance would be appreciated. Thanks!