(Closed) Is my FH being ridiculous? VENT

posted 7 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
715 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Yes! I think you both were being ridiculous. I would compromise, tell him you want to surprise him but ask him to start looking at dresses and letting you know what you like. Tell him to pick a dozen or so and then if you both agree on a style, you can then go pick out your dress in that style or similar style and still surprise him, but he will be happy that he was able to help 🙂

Post # 4
Member
10 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: July 2011

@NatAndTy: As a guy I’m somewhat surprised he has even heard of “boning”, your post was literally the first I’ve ever heard the time and I just got married haha! (admittedly I was a pretty hands off groom / fiancee)

My thought is that although your second last paragraph pretty much answers your own question chances are it will be something your fiance will keep thinking about (depending on his personality but your post makes him seem somewhat detail orientated) and as such I’d try and avoid this become a resituation next time he thinks of it.

To do that I’d get him to point out some of the things he does like so he feels included and then show him things you like etc. It will be important for you to go into this with an open mind and be constructive with any feedback you give him otherwise I guarantee he will get defensive again. Make it something collaborative and then surprise him from there, it isn’t like he is going to be able to truly visualise any alterations etc you put on it. (Again in my experience as a guy I can’t visualise clothes on girls unless they are right infront of me)

This may seem like pandering to him, but he is your Fiance for a reason, show him the love!

Post # 6
Member
10 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: July 2011

@NatAndTy: HAHAHA (And I mean that in the nicest way) you could pick a dress he hates and I guarantee he will still think you are the most beautiful girl he has ever seen when the day comes.

That is all that matters, I’ve been to a bunch of weddings now, and the one thing you never see is a disappointed groom!

Post # 7
Member
113 posts
Blushing bee

Stuff like this simply isn’t worth getting worked up over — whether it’s from your perspective or his.

A take away point from this, perhaps, is that you can’t force your opinion on someone. So, so often couples fight because each is focusing on getting their point across, making sure the other gets it, and that they’re understood/heard/etc. Sounds he was especially doing that; not a big deal, YOU have the opportunity to influence his actions based upon how you respond. 

If he wants to be involved and OK with stuff, awesome, that can be arranged, right? Not a big issue at all.

 

Best wishes.

Post # 8
Member
518 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

Continue to show him pictures so he feels included and you can get a sense of what he likes. It’d probably be good to know he think ruffles are ridiculous if you were thinking about a ruffled dress, for example. Ultimately it’s your dress and you should be happy, but you also want him to be pleased with what he sees on your wedding day. But I wouldn’t worry about things he says about how boning makes a dress look and blah blah blah. He has no idea what he’s talking about because boning is designed to do exactly the opposite of what he said. On the day of all he’s going to care about is how good you look in the dress, not whether or not there’s boning.

Post # 9
Member
4755 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

You’re both being riduclous but you both have valid feelings on the matter.

Show him shapes of dresses and things you particularly like/ dislike and get his opinion. Then go from there.

Post # 10
Member
3798 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Ask him what type and style of dress he likes, and then surprise him on your wedding day with your own interpretation of what he likes. I would be sad if Fiance said he didn’t like the type of dress that I did, but I think we sometimes forget, as females, that certain parts of fashion are just plain strange to males. My Fiance would probably have no idea what ‘boning’ is and would probably make a face if I said my dress had it, b/c it sounds so weird.

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