(Closed) Why is FI acting like this…

posted 9 years ago in Relationships
Post # 16
Member
1175 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

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@chesseplease: Ignoring does literally nothing for you. If you want things to change, go and do it. I’ve briefly looked through your old posts, and it seems like you both have a lot of growing up to do.

You’re engaged, right? Act like a grown woman and don’t let him think he can tell you what to do.  If he persists? Leave.

Like I said. You should never think of your SO as “strict.” He’s not someone who can lay down rules for you. Hell to the no.

Post # 17
Member
3182 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

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@Mrs. Puffin: Exactly. 

I just read this to my Fiance and he also gave me the WTF as soon as I got to the word strict in the title.  This is not normal.  

Post # 18
Member
1235 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

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@chesseplease: If he doesnt see any problems in his behavior then I think you need to re-evaluate your relationship. Would you really be happy living with a man who flips his lid when you smile at someone in a grocery store? Probably not. Would you want to raise children in a household where you are walking on eggshells waiting for him to explode? No, and it would be really irresponsible for you to.

Post # 19
Member
1369 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

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@Mrs Grape:I agree. This type of behavior will continue to get worse and may progress into emotionally or abusive behavior. Be careful.

I was with an emotionally abusive guy and the more serious the relationship got, the worse he became. He didn’t start out acting that way, but the longer we were together his behavior slowly started to change.

Post # 21
Member
3521 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

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@misskoala: Same here. And it’s hellish, because when you get far enough into that shit, you start to feel like there is no way out. 

Post # 22
Member
3521 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

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@chesseplease: Please. By being this controlling and jealous, he is treating you VERY poorly.

Post # 23
Member
2495 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: January 1991

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@chesseplease: Have you voiced these concerns to him?  You need to start by telling him that his behavior is unacceptable.  If it’s come on suddenly, I would suspect something else is going on that you don’t know about.  Maybe it’s cheating, but it may be something at work, something health related… who knows.  The only one who does is him and you need to talk to him.

Post # 24
Member
400 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2011

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@chesseplease: Dictating who you can smile at isn’t healthy and it IS treating you badly…

Post # 25
Member
1235 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

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@chesseplease: This would qualify as being treated badly. You need to either talk to him about it, seek therapy so he changes his ways, or leave. You are obviously uncomfortable in this situation and need to address it more seriously then sugarcoating it in the internet. I find it hard to believe that he never acted this controlling while you were dating. Is there a history of infidelity in your relationship?

Post # 26
Member
2695 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

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@chesseplease: Nope, no, no, no. Not normal. Not at all. Its not normal for someone to dictate facebook friends. Going out alone with a guy one on one as a friend? Ok, I can see lots of guys haing a problem with that. But interacting with a close family friend online??? No….

I’m sorry. I would run from this guy. He’s only going to get more controlling after you are married. And oftentimes, not always, physical abuse follows emotional abuse. Protect yourself, you emotional well being, and your future… and leave.

Post # 27
Member
576 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

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@chesseplease: Even if this is the first time he has truly acted like this, you need to confront it ASAP and let him not he is 100% in the wrong for acting like this.

He might be a great guy in general, but if he has those jealous/controlling tendencies, then you need to put your foot down about not putting up with unacceptable behaviour. Seriously, its abusive controlling behaviour and you MUST have a no tolerance polocy. I had an abusive/controlling father and would never have anything to do with a man who acted like that.

When I first started dating my husband, he mentioned not wanting me to go to the bar without him. I put my foot down immediately and told him I would dump him if he hasn’t dropped the jealous act (he dropped it immediately and we’ve had no related issues since)

Post # 28
Member
201 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I agree with PP on here that this is a serious warning sign that he might not be the kind of person you can build a stable, happy marriage with. 

I know someone who is with a very controlling man, and he always says crap like, ” It’s not that I don’t trust you, I don’t trust the other guys…” This is a lame excuse for that kind of behavior. He needs to trust you as a person, and trust your intelligence to not put yourself in an inappropriate situation. 

You should be able to look at, talk to, hang out with, and be friends with anyone you choose, as long as it’s within appropriate boundaries. No one should be telling you who you can and can’t have as friends on FB or anywhere else. No boyfriend, fiance, or husband should be “strict” with his SO, or “let” her do things. You are a grown woman and you can make your own decisions. A relationship is of course about compromising with another person, but when that person is being unreasonable and irrational, it’s no longer a compromise- it’s fullfilling a demand. 

Have you asked him if he feels differently since you got engaged? Have you let him know how his behavior makes you feel? Sometimes you explicitly need to let them know- when he says he trusts you, but not the other guys, maybe try telling him something along the lines of, ” I’m sorry you feel that way, but I wouldn’t put myself in an inappropriate situation, and it makes me feel controlled when you get angry about my friendships with other people.” ? Maybe that would help get through to him?

If talking to him isn’t working, maybe try some couples counseling. If nothing is changing, then I would consider rethinking the relationship. I’m sorry you’re going through this and I hope it works out for the best. 

Post # 29
Member
1919 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

I’m at a loss for words honestly. You’re not allowed to have male friends on facebook. There is something extremely wrong with that. You should be able to have male friends and smile at a person working in a ticket booth. This sounds extremely unhealthy and a situation I would get out of quickly. Sorry but things can only get worse and this definitely sounds like its heading towards an abusive relationship.

Post # 30
Member
540 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Don’t let the idea of being engaged and having a ring on your finger overshadow his negative behavior.  I think you know in your heart this type of behavior is not normal in a loving relationship.  

Every previous poster on here has said exactly what I’m thinking.  Please be careful and know what you’re getting into.

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